Saturday funnies

Saturday, November 15, 2008 by teddybearcholla | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk

I hope these bring a smile, I myself was laughing very hard!!!  No disrespect meant to anyone, and no one killed in the making of, either!!!

 

The first one...

 A dog is truly a man's best friend.

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you????????

 

The second...

A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch went to apply to be a pirate.

Interviewer: How did you get that pegleg?

Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the first world war.

Interviewer: How did you get that hook?

Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife.

Interviewer: What about your eyepatch?

Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird crapped in me eye.

Interviewer: And that put your eye out?

Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hook.

 

And last, but not least....

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand. He says to the Italian guy, 'You're in charge of sweeping.'

To the Scotsman he says, 'You're in charge of shoveling.'

And to the Chinese guy, 'You're in charge of supplies.'

He then says, 'Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile of sand.'

So when the foreman returns, after being away for a couple of hours, the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, 'Why didn't you sweep any of it?'

The Italian replies, ' I no hava no broom You saida to the Chinese-a-fella that he was in charge of supplies, but he has a disappeared and I no could finda him nowhere.'

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, 'And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.'

The Scotsman replies, 'Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left that Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him neither.'

The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells....................'SUPPLIES!!!!'

766 Reply 45 Referrals
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teddybearcholla
Reply #761 Sunday, January 20, 2013 6:42 AM
 
EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM:
 
'I have problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'
 
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears. ''How much do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor. I'll sleep on it,' I said.
 
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked. 'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'
 
'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
 
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!'

Uvah
Reply #762 Sunday, January 20, 2013 8:42 AM


mrs_starkers
Reply #763 Sunday, January 20, 2013 8:18 PM

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies " Yes i do " and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies " Oh I have a personal genie" The first man asks "Can i make a wish? " Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing" "Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says " I want a Million Bucks " The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other " Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt He?" The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC"


**********************************************************************************


Girl : "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest : "What have you done my child?"

Girl : "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest : "Why did you call him a son of a
bitch?"

Girl : "Because he touched my hand."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl : "Yes father."

Priest : "That's no reason to call a man a son
of a bitch."

Girl : "Then he touched my breast."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl : "Yes father."

Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a
bitch."

Girl : "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he takes off her
clothes)

Girl : "Yes father."

Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a
bitch."

Girl : "Then he stuck his you know what into
my you know where."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know
what into her you know where)
Girl : "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES
FATHER!!!"

(after a few minutes)

Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a
bitch."

Girl : "But father,he had AIDS!"

Priest : "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"


Uvah
Reply #764 Monday, January 21, 2013 6:51 AM

I think perhaps they should take the word aid out of help. It has somewhat of a nasty reputation. EWWW!


teddybearcholla
Reply #765 Wednesday, February 13, 2013 6:58 AM


Uvah
Reply #766 Wednesday, February 13, 2013 1:15 PM

Healthy. Adds more 'iron'.


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