A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."

The first one is very funny!  

A speeder was chased for several miles by the highway patrol before he stopped.

When asked why he didn't stop he replied:

"Last week my wife ran away with a cop and I thought he was bringing her back!"

One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?

"Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

These are all too funny!!!! 

Thanks very much one and all.  Brought a big smile to my face. 

An elderly couple were driving down the highway when the wife in the passenger seat said "Remember how close together we used to sit when we were young?"

Her husband replied"I haven't moved"

That line reminds of Wierd Al's movie "UHF". I giggle everytime I think of it....heeheehee....see!

Arizona COWBOY WHISPERER**

Cowboy: 'That your dog?'

Indian: 'Yep.'

Cowboy: 'Mind if I speak to him?'

Indian: 'Dog no talk.'

Cowboy: 'Hey dog, how's it going?'

Dog: 'Doin' all right.'

Indian: (Look of shock!)

Cowboy: 'Is this Indian your owner?' (Pointing at the Indian...)

Dog: 'Yep.'

Cowboy: 'How's he treating you?'

Dog: 'Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.'

Indian: (Look of total disbelief)

Cowboy: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

Indian: 'Horse no talk.'

Cowboy: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'

Horse: 'Cool.'

Indian: (Extreme look of shock!)

Cowboy: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing to the Indian...)

Horse: 'Yep.'

Cowboy: 'How's he treating you?'

Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather.'

Indian: (Look of total amazement)

Cowboy: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

Indian: 'Sheep lie.'

**no offense meant to anyone, but this is damn funny

When a Bill Gates met his untimely end, he was informed that he had a choice about where he would spend his eternity: Heaven or Hell. He was allowed to visit both places, and then make his decision afterwards.

"I'll see Heaven first," said the Gates, and an angel led through the gates on a private tour. Inside it was very peaceful and serene, and all the people there were playing harps and eating grapes. It looked very nice, but the salesman was not about to make a decision that could very well condemn him to a life of musical produce.

"Can I see Hell now?" he asked. The angel pointed him to the elevator, and he went down to the Basement where he was greeted by one of Satan's loyal followers. For the next half hour, Bill was led through a tour of what appeared to be the best night clubs he'd ever seen. People were partying loudly, and having a, if you'll pardon the expression, Hell of a time.

When the tour ended, he was sent back up where the angel asked him if he had reached a final decision.
"Yes, I have," he replied. "As great as Heaven looks and all, I have to admit that Hell was more of my kind of place. I've decided to spend my eternity down there."

Gates was sent to hell, where he was immediately thrown into a cave and was chained to a wall, and he was subjected to various tortures. "When I came down here for the tour," he yelled with anger and pain, "I was shown a whole bunch of bars and parties and other great stuff! What happened?!"

The devil replied, "Oh, that! That was just the Screen Saver."

Oh my , Immy!!!!  

Excellent, i dont know which one made me laugh more, and i am still laughing, sheep lie LOL, too funny, and the SUPPLIES i had heard that years ago but couldnt remember it,thanks for that

You every drive through Montana and see all those sheep with either the red tabs or yellow tabs or blue tabs in their ears?  Yea....jewelry.

angus, I've been nice to you, supported you, emailed you...but when you start making fun of my dates....

We have a town in Central Oregon that is a butt of many sheep jokes....such as ..."Are you my Daaaaaaaad?"

*note, that is only a joke, no one has yet have a paternaty test done on them from baby sheep mama*

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men -
'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

Hey! That  could be a Murpy's Law too!

The local game warden in a small town in Oregon had arrested a man for killing and eating an Egret. The man went before a judge to plead his case. After pleading guilty, but with an explanation, the judge asked him why he did it.

"I was just trying to feed my hungry family," he told the judge, "and I've never done anything like that before."

The judge, being a family man himself, had a soft heart and agreed to let the man go free, since he was only trying to feed his starving family and it was his first and only offense.

"Before you go, though, I want to ask you a question," the judge quipped, "What does Egret taste like?"

"Well your Honor," the man told him, "It's not as tender as Spotted Owl but its better than Bald Eagle!"

heh heh...take that, pc!

Doc thinks Immy got it. 

Immy gets it well.

Spotted owl tastes good smoked. Especially after all the old growth forest burn.....mmmmm....tasty!

 Fantastically evil laughter echoes in Doc's place.