Blonde Joke
Thursday, August 9, 2007 by Cheryl1952 | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
- A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.
She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help, and I've always been a good servant to you. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...."Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."
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Disturbedcomputer
Reply #42 Thursday, August 23, 2007 2:57 PM
Reply #42 Thursday, August 23, 2007 2:57 PM
Dr. Seuss Lost Tongue Twister
See if you can do this.. Read this out Loud..
Dr. Seuss Lost Tongue Twister
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to Cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is retard cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the start
See if you can do this.. Read this out Loud..
Dr. Seuss Lost Tongue Twister
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to Cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is retard cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the start
Philly0381
Reply #43 Thursday, August 23, 2007 3:05 PM
Reply #43 Thursday, August 23, 2007 3:05 PM
For some reason I don't believe that Dr. Seuss would have used retard in a tongue twister, blonde, yes. 
Disturbedcomputer
Reply #44 Sunday, August 26, 2007 11:08 PM
Reply #44 Sunday, August 26, 2007 11:08 PM
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity,
Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
1 }On Sears hairdryer:
“ Do not use while sleeping.”
( Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair )
2} On a bag of Frito's:
“ You could be a winner ! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”
( Evidently , the shoplifter special )
3} On a bar of Dial soap:
“ Directions: Use like regular soap. “
( And that would be how . . . ? )
4}On some Swanson frozen dinners :
“ Serving suggestions : Defrost.”
( But it’s *just* a suggestion )
5} On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert : ( printed on the bottom of the box ):
“ Do not turn upside down.”
( Oops, too late ! )
6} On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding :
“ Product will be hot after heating .”
( As night follows the day ….)
7} On the packaging for a Rowenta Iron :
“ Do not iron clothes on body.”
( But wouldn’t this save even more time ? )
8} On Boot’s Children’s Cough Medicine :
“ Do not drive a car or operate Machinery after taking this Medication.”
( We could do a lot to reduce the rate of accidents if we could just get
Those 5-year-olds with head colds out from behind the wheel ..)
9} On Nytol Sleep Aid : The Pharmacist love this one…
“ Warning : May cause drowsiness .”
( One would hope )
10} On most brands of Christmas Lights :
“ For indoor or outdoor use ONLY .”
( As opposed to what ? )
11} On a Japanese food Processor :
“ Not to be used for the other use .”
( I gotta admit , I’m curious. )
12} On Simsbury’s Peanuts :
“ Warning : Contains nuts.”
( NEWS FLASH )
13} On an American Airlines packet of Nuts :
“ Instructions : open packet, eat nuts.”
( Step 3 : Fly Delta . )
14} On a child’s Superman Costume :
“ Wearing of this garment dose not enable you to fly.”
( I don’t blame the company, I blame the parents for this one )
15] On a Swedish Chain Saw :
“ Do not attempt to stop the chain with your hands or genitals.”
( Was there a chance of this happening somewhere ? .. Good grief )
16} On a bottle of Palmolive Dish washing Liquid :
“ Do not use on food .”
( Hey, Mom, we’re out of syrup, It’s ok honey, just grab the Palmolive ! )
17} On a Bottle of ALL Laundry Detergent :
“ Remove clothing before distributing in the Washing machine .”
( Hey kids , no more swimming in the washing machine )
Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
1 }On Sears hairdryer:
“ Do not use while sleeping.”
( Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair )
2} On a bag of Frito's:
“ You could be a winner ! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”
( Evidently , the shoplifter special )
3} On a bar of Dial soap:
“ Directions: Use like regular soap. “
( And that would be how . . . ? )
4}On some Swanson frozen dinners :
“ Serving suggestions : Defrost.”
( But it’s *just* a suggestion )
5} On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert : ( printed on the bottom of the box ):
“ Do not turn upside down.”
( Oops, too late ! )
6} On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding :
“ Product will be hot after heating .”
( As night follows the day ….)
7} On the packaging for a Rowenta Iron :
“ Do not iron clothes on body.”
( But wouldn’t this save even more time ? )
8} On Boot’s Children’s Cough Medicine :
“ Do not drive a car or operate Machinery after taking this Medication.”
( We could do a lot to reduce the rate of accidents if we could just get
Those 5-year-olds with head colds out from behind the wheel ..)
9} On Nytol Sleep Aid : The Pharmacist love this one…
“ Warning : May cause drowsiness .”
( One would hope )
10} On most brands of Christmas Lights :
“ For indoor or outdoor use ONLY .”
( As opposed to what ? )
11} On a Japanese food Processor :
“ Not to be used for the other use .”
( I gotta admit , I’m curious. )
12} On Simsbury’s Peanuts :
“ Warning : Contains nuts.”
( NEWS FLASH )
13} On an American Airlines packet of Nuts :
“ Instructions : open packet, eat nuts.”
( Step 3 : Fly Delta . )
14} On a child’s Superman Costume :
“ Wearing of this garment dose not enable you to fly.”
( I don’t blame the company, I blame the parents for this one )
15] On a Swedish Chain Saw :
“ Do not attempt to stop the chain with your hands or genitals.”
( Was there a chance of this happening somewhere ? .. Good grief )
16} On a bottle of Palmolive Dish washing Liquid :
“ Do not use on food .”
( Hey, Mom, we’re out of syrup, It’s ok honey, just grab the Palmolive ! )
17} On a Bottle of ALL Laundry Detergent :
“ Remove clothing before distributing in the Washing machine .”
( Hey kids , no more swimming in the washing machine )
Disturbedcomputer
Reply #46 Sunday, August 26, 2007 11:50 PM
OK all ready
Stop push the Link
The window is A Pop Under
Reply #46 Sunday, August 26, 2007 11:50 PM
OK all ready
Stop push the Link
The window is A Pop Under
bobbyhundreds
Reply #47 Thursday, October 4, 2007 6:54 AM
Reply #47 Thursday, October 4, 2007 6:54 AM
OK,not a joke but here is a video of a blonde beauty pageant contestant/robot talking absolute nonsense 
... My Brain Hurts
... My Brain Hurts
Lantec
Reply #48 Thursday, October 4, 2007 7:09 AM
Reply #48 Thursday, October 4, 2007 7:09 AM
Whoa.......... 
This is why my wife & I home-school.
This is why my wife & I home-school.
bobbyhundreds
Reply #49 Thursday, October 4, 2007 7:14 AM
Reply #49 Thursday, October 4, 2007 7:14 AM
If you lift up her hair at the back there is a built in card reader,unfortunately someone seems to have wedged a slice of toast in it.
eieio
Reply #50 Thursday, October 4, 2007 7:40 AM
The Iraq?
Reply #50 Thursday, October 4, 2007 7:40 AM
OK,not a joke but here is a video of a blonde beauty pageant contestant/robot talking absolute nonsense
The Iraq?
bobbyhundreds
Reply #51 Thursday, October 4, 2007 9:42 AM
hehe yeh I think she got it confused with Tie Rack,I was also puzzled as to how she managed to get South Africa into her answer ,talk about brainfart. 
Reply #51 Thursday, October 4, 2007 9:42 AM
The Iraq?
hehe yeh I think she got it confused with Tie Rack,I was also puzzled as to how she managed to get South Africa into her answer
,talk about brainfart. 
starkers
Reply #52 Thursday, October 4, 2007 10:38 AM
Just as well she wasn't wearing a hat to blow off
Next day the news headlines read: "Audience member hit by flying beret at beauty pageant!" (sh!tskids inside?)
Reply #52 Thursday, October 4, 2007 10:38 AM
,talk about brainfart.
Just as well she wasn't wearing a hat to blow off
Next day the news headlines read: "Audience member hit by flying beret at beauty pageant!" (sh!tskids inside?)
bobbyhundreds
Reply #53 Thursday, October 4, 2007 11:08 AM
Reply #53 Thursday, October 4, 2007 11:08 AM
Hehehe Starkers,it wouldn't have reached the front row.
starkers
Reply #54 Thursday, October 4, 2007 12:21 PM
Yeah, you're right....straight up (two inches) and down.
Like we say here down under....if brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow a wig off in a cyclone.
Reply #54 Thursday, October 4, 2007 12:21 PM
Hehehe Starkers,it wouldn't have reached the front row.
Yeah, you're right....straight up (two inches) and down.
Like we say here down under....if brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow a wig off in a cyclone.
mrs_starkers
Reply #55 Saturday, October 6, 2007 3:01 AM
Reply #55 Saturday, October 6, 2007 3:01 AM
The Test
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
mrs_starkers
Reply #56 Saturday, October 6, 2007 3:02 AM
Reply #56 Saturday, October 6, 2007 3:02 AM
Bet with blond
A redhead walks into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. She sits down next to this blond at the bar and stares up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The redhead turns to the blond and says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blond replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
The redhead placed $20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blond placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blond was very upset and handed her $20 dollars to the redhead and said, "All is fair. Here is your money."
The redhead replies, "Honey, I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blond replies, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again"
A redhead walks into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. She sits down next to this blond at the bar and stares up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The redhead turns to the blond and says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blond replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
The redhead placed $20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blond placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blond was very upset and handed her $20 dollars to the redhead and said, "All is fair. Here is your money."
The redhead replies, "Honey, I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blond replies, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again"
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Reply #41 Thursday, August 23, 2007 3:12 AM