Blonde Joke
Thursday, August 9, 2007 by Cheryl1952 | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
- A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.
She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help, and I've always been a good servant to you. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...."Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."
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messiah1
Reply #22 Thursday, August 9, 2007 5:33 PM
I guess it could be...join the Collective.
Reply #22 Thursday, August 9, 2007 5:33 PM
Is that a borg monkey you have as an avatar messiah1?
I guess it could be...join the Collective.
Cavan1
Reply #24 Thursday, August 9, 2007 6:09 PM
Reply #24 Thursday, August 9, 2007 6:09 PM
Q: What did the blond say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: I hope it's not mine.
A: I hope it's not mine.
messiah1
Reply #25 Thursday, August 9, 2007 6:45 PM
That sounds so...Borging.
Reply #25 Thursday, August 9, 2007 6:45 PM
We actually call monkeys species 86561
That sounds so...Borging.
starkers
Reply #26 Friday, August 10, 2007 7:58 AM
Reply #26 Friday, August 10, 2007 7:58 AM
Blonde skeleton in closet....
.....last years hide n' seek winner?
.....last years hide n' seek winner?
sydneysiders
Reply #27 Friday, August 10, 2007 8:25 AM
Reply #27 Friday, August 10, 2007 8:25 AM
blonde driving a VW beetle down the highway spots another blonde who’s broken down on the side of the road in her VW beetle. She stops to see if she can assist and they both stare mystified under the bonnet. “Seems my engine has been stolen” says the blonde....to which the other blonde replies.....”don’t worry, I have a spare one in the boot”.....!!!.....
WebGizmos
Reply #28 Friday, August 10, 2007 9:30 AM
Reply #28 Friday, August 10, 2007 9:30 AM
A blonde has just gotten a new sports car.
She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff.
The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does.
The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it.
Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats.
He turns around and sees she's smiling.
So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car.
He looks back to see that she's laughing.
He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires.
He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down.
He demands, "What's so funny?"
She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"
She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff.
The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does.
The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it.
Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats.
He turns around and sees she's smiling.
So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car.
He looks back to see that she's laughing.
He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires.
He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down.
He demands, "What's so funny?"
She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"
crunchieblonde
Reply #29 Sunday, August 12, 2007 11:51 PM
Reply #29 Sunday, August 12, 2007 11:51 PM
I havent got a blonde joke but I have plenty of blonde moments. The latest being in NZ on the snowfields asked to get ice for an injured friend, I asked where do I get the ice from. Just go outside and pick it up off the floor hhmmmmmmmm!! Take a look at some more of my blonde moments and send me yours through www.hadablondemoment.com
Crunchieblonde
Crunchieblonde
HG_Eliminator
Reply #30 Monday, August 13, 2007 12:01 AM
Reply #30 Monday, August 13, 2007 12:01 AM
gah .. took me a 1/2 hour to get past post #20....
ok heres mine..
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, "That's ! a thermos . . . it keeps some things hot and some things cold."
"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked.
"Why, that's a thermos . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,"
she replied.
Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"
The blond replied, "Two Popsicles, and some coffee".
ok heres mine..
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, "That's ! a thermos . . . it keeps some things hot and some things cold."
"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked.
"Why, that's a thermos . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,"
she replied.
Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"
The blond replied, "Two Popsicles, and some coffee".
HG_Eliminator
Reply #31 Monday, August 13, 2007 12:07 AM
Reply #31 Monday, August 13, 2007 12:07 AM
Q. Do you know the true reason for all of these blonde jokes?
A. Brunettes and redheads think they look smart making them all up!
Q. What do you call a brunette between two blondes???
A. LUCKY! (She finally gets some attention!)
Q. What's black and blue and lying in a ditch?
A. A Redhead who has told one too many dumb blonde jokes.
Q. What does a redhead miss the most at a party?
A. The Invitation !
Q. Why are there so many blonde jokes?
A. Because the blondes are out partying, the brunettes and redheads have nothing better to do on Friday and Saturday nights.
A. Brunettes and redheads think they look smart making them all up!
Q. What do you call a brunette between two blondes???
A. LUCKY! (She finally gets some attention!)
Q. What's black and blue and lying in a ditch?
A. A Redhead who has told one too many dumb blonde jokes.
Q. What does a redhead miss the most at a party?
A. The Invitation !
Q. Why are there so many blonde jokes?
A. Because the blondes are out partying, the brunettes and redheads have nothing better to do on Friday and Saturday nights.
HG_Eliminator
Reply #32 Monday, August 13, 2007 12:20 AM
Reply #32 Monday, August 13, 2007 12:20 AM
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q. Why'd the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A. She kept throwing out all the W's.
Q. Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A. They're too hard to peel.
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q. Why'd the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A. She kept throwing out all the W's.
Q. Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A. They're too hard to peel.
r7yea
Reply #34 Friday, August 17, 2007 11:44 AM
Reply #34 Friday, August 17, 2007 11:44 AM
Norman and his wife live in Calgary. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going have 8 to 10 centimetres of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 centimetres of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out an moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer
says "We are expecting 12 to 14 centimetres of snow today. You must par .........." then the electric power goes out.
Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice like all of us men who are married to Blondes exhibit, Norman says, "Sweetheart why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 centimetres of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out an moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer
says "We are expecting 12 to 14 centimetres of snow today. You must par .........." then the electric power goes out.
Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice like all of us men who are married to Blondes exhibit, Norman says, "Sweetheart why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?
Disturbedcomputer
Reply #35 Monday, August 20, 2007 11:46 PM
Reply #35 Monday, August 20, 2007 11:46 PM
Why Blones Don't Make Kool-aid
They can't figure out how to get the 2 Quarts of Water in that little Package Of Kool-aid.
They can't figure out how to get the 2 Quarts of Water in that little Package Of Kool-aid.
Disturbedcomputer
Reply #36 Tuesday, August 21, 2007 12:39 AM
Reply #36 Tuesday, August 21, 2007 12:39 AM
RESCUE ATTEMPT
A brunette, redhead, and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing To the roof.
The firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them To jump into.
The firemen yelled to the brunette, Jump! Jump! It's your only chance To survive!
the brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yanked the Blanket away & the brunette slams into the
sidewalk like a tomato..
c'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!
said the firemen to the redhead.
oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away! says the redhead.
No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redhead!
OK says the redhead, And she jumps. SWISH!
The firemen yank the blanket away, and she is Flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Finally, the blonde steps to the edge of the roof.
Again, the firemen yelled Jump! You have to Jump!
No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away! Look, the blonde says,
nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket
away!
So what I want you to do is put the blanket down on the
ground, and Back away from it!
A brunette, redhead, and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing To the roof.
The firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them To jump into.
The firemen yelled to the brunette, Jump! Jump! It's your only chance To survive!
the brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yanked the Blanket away & the brunette slams into the
sidewalk like a tomato..
c'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!
said the firemen to the redhead.
oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away! says the redhead.
No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redhead!
OK says the redhead, And she jumps. SWISH!
The firemen yank the blanket away, and she is Flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Finally, the blonde steps to the edge of the roof.
Again, the firemen yelled Jump! You have to Jump!
No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away! Look, the blonde says,
nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket
away!
So what I want you to do is put the blanket down on the
ground, and Back away from it!
mrs_starkers
Reply #37 Tuesday, August 21, 2007 3:43 AM
Reply #37 Tuesday, August 21, 2007 3:43 AM
Man Who Loved Baked Beans
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.
All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.
With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.
All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.
With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
mrs_starkers
Reply #38 Tuesday, August 21, 2007 3:46 AM
Reply #38 Tuesday, August 21, 2007 3:46 AM
and this one........
Even blonde guys can be dumb!!!!!!!!!!!
There was a mexican, italian, and a blonde guy and they were all electricians and they were on a 20 story high building. It was time for them to go to lunch. The mexican opened his lunchbox and found a burrito and says if I find another burrito in my lunch tomorrow im going to jump off this building to my death. The italian guy finds cabbage in his lunch box and says the same thing as the mexican said. The blonde finds a blongna sandwhich and says I’m going to jump off too if I find another bolongna sandwitch again.
It was the next day and it was time for lunch and the mexican opens his lunch and finds a burrito and jumps off the building. The italian finds cabbage in his lunch again and jumps off also. The blonde guy finds a blongna sandwitch and jumps off too.
At the funeral the mexicans wife is crying and she says if only I knew he didn’t like burritos I wouldn’t of made it. They all look at the italian guys wife and she is crying and says if only I knew he didn’t like cabbage I wouldn’t of made it. When they look at the blonde guys wife she is not crying and she says don’t look at me he makes his own lunch.
Even blonde guys can be dumb!!!!!!!!!!!
There was a mexican, italian, and a blonde guy and they were all electricians and they were on a 20 story high building. It was time for them to go to lunch. The mexican opened his lunchbox and found a burrito and says if I find another burrito in my lunch tomorrow im going to jump off this building to my death. The italian guy finds cabbage in his lunch box and says the same thing as the mexican said. The blonde finds a blongna sandwhich and says I’m going to jump off too if I find another bolongna sandwitch again.
It was the next day and it was time for lunch and the mexican opens his lunch and finds a burrito and jumps off the building. The italian finds cabbage in his lunch again and jumps off also. The blonde guy finds a blongna sandwitch and jumps off too.
At the funeral the mexicans wife is crying and she says if only I knew he didn’t like burritos I wouldn’t of made it. They all look at the italian guys wife and she is crying and says if only I knew he didn’t like cabbage I wouldn’t of made it. When they look at the blonde guys wife she is not crying and she says don’t look at me he makes his own lunch.
hairyhobbit
Reply #39 Tuesday, August 21, 2007 4:54 AM
Reply #39 Tuesday, August 21, 2007 4:54 AM
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
Assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax.
Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ....." he said with a deep sigh,
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
Assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax.
Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ....." he said with a deep sigh,
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
Jafo
Reply #40 Tuesday, August 21, 2007 7:53 AM
Reply #40 Tuesday, August 21, 2007 7:53 AM
sandwhich and says I’m going to jump off too if I find another bolongna sandwitch
Give 'sandwich' a go next time.... nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean? ....
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Reply #21 Thursday, August 9, 2007 5:23 PM