Blonde Joke
Thursday, August 9, 2007 by Cheryl1952 | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
- A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.
She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help, and I've always been a good servant to you. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...."Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."
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Cavan1
Reply #2 Thursday, August 9, 2007 12:23 PM 
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid.
Hey Lantec; Who, in their right mind would intentionally wish to see you nakid.
Reply #2 Thursday, August 9, 2007 12:23 PM
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid.
Hey Lantec; Who, in their right mind would intentionally wish to see you nakid.
2of3
Reply #3 Thursday, August 9, 2007 12:31 PM
Reply #3 Thursday, August 9, 2007 12:31 PM
A blond was driving down the highway towards Disneyland, when she saw a sign saying "Disneyland Left"..... so she turned around and went home!
Lantec
Reply #4 Thursday, August 9, 2007 12:34 PM
My Doctor!
guess I shoulda put that in quotes.........
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
Reply #4 Thursday, August 9, 2007 12:34 PM
Hey Lantec; Who, in their right mind would intentionally wish to see you nakid.
My Doctor!
guess I shoulda put that in quotes.........
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
Lantec
Reply #6 Thursday, August 9, 2007 12:49 PM
Reply #6 Thursday, August 9, 2007 12:49 PM
My wife's a blonde so I've got a million of them..........
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
2of3
Reply #7 Thursday, August 9, 2007 2:11 PM
a million blond wives.... that's a lot!
Reply #7 Thursday, August 9, 2007 2:11 PM
I've got a million of them..........
a million blond wives.... that's a lot!
2of3
Reply #8 Thursday, August 9, 2007 2:16 PM
Why can't blonds GET drivers licenses?
It's hard to drive while laying down in the backseat!
Reply #8 Thursday, August 9, 2007 2:16 PM
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Why can't blonds GET drivers licenses?
It's hard to drive while laying down in the backseat!
messiah1
Reply #9 Thursday, August 9, 2007 2:44 PM
Uh oh!
Reply #9 Thursday, August 9, 2007 2:44 PM
Why can't blonds GET drivers licenses?
It's hard to drive while laying down in the backseat!
It's hard to drive while laying down in the backseat!
Uh oh!
2of3
Reply #10 Thursday, August 9, 2007 2:52 PM
Reply #10 Thursday, August 9, 2007 2:52 PM
Is that a borg monkey you have as an avatar messiah1?
bobbyhundreds
Reply #11 Thursday, August 9, 2007 3:00 PM Please stop I'm supposed to be working here.
Reply #11 Thursday, August 9, 2007 3:00 PM
Please stop I'm supposed to be working here.
2of3
Reply #12 Thursday, August 9, 2007 3:05 PM
Reply #12 Thursday, August 9, 2007 3:05 PM
A seventy-year-old man was at the hospital and was asked to deliver a sperm sample asap. He was given a sample jar and sent home. The next week he showed up again with the jar, but it was empty! "What happened?" asked the doctor. "Well, when I got home, I tried with my right hand. Then I tried with my left hand. My wife then tried with both hands. We finally called Edith from next door, and she tried with both hands AND her mouth. None of us could get the damn lid off the jar!"
You might say "hey that's not a blond joke"
The old man could've been blond when he was young!
You might say "hey that's not a blond joke"
The old man could've been blond when he was young!
NightTrainthedark
Reply #13 Thursday, August 9, 2007 3:07 PM
Reply #13 Thursday, August 9, 2007 3:07 PM
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Snowman
Reply #14 Thursday, August 9, 2007 3:40 PM
Reply #14 Thursday, August 9, 2007 3:40 PM
Why did the blonde go arounde the same block 60 times?
Because her turnsignal got stuck...
What's the correct term for a 'smart blonde'?
Golden Retriever...
2of3
Reply #15 Thursday, August 9, 2007 3:59 PM
Reply #15 Thursday, August 9, 2007 3:59 PM
What do you call a blond who's dyed her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence!
Artificial intelligence!
jpkylegirl
Reply #16 Thursday, August 9, 2007 4:27 PM
Reply #16 Thursday, August 9, 2007 4:27 PM
These are hilarious... and I object!
~from a blonde.
~from a blonde.
2of3
Reply #17 Thursday, August 9, 2007 4:33 PM
Reply #17 Thursday, August 9, 2007 4:33 PM
How can you tell if a blond has been using your computer?
Whiteout all over the screen!
Whiteout all over the screen!
Nimbin
Reply #18 Thursday, August 9, 2007 5:03 PM
Reply #18 Thursday, August 9, 2007 5:03 PM
Q: what do you call 20 blondes lined up ear to ear?
A: a wind tunnel!
A: a wind tunnel!
2of3
Reply #19 Thursday, August 9, 2007 5:15 PM
Reply #19 Thursday, August 9, 2007 5:15 PM
Why don't blonds get lunch breaks?
It's to hard to retrain them!
It's to hard to retrain them!
NightTrainthedark
Reply #20 Thursday, August 9, 2007 5:19 PM
Reply #20 Thursday, August 9, 2007 5:19 PM
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
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Reply #1 Thursday, August 9, 2007 12:15 PM
Please heed this warning. It could happen to you.....
TICK WARNING!
I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I have even done it myself a couple times unintentionally.....but this one is real, and it's important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list.
If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! THIS IS A SCAM!! They only want to see you naked.
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid.
Blondie