I got an old lady whose name is Big Mamma
She tells me she's gotta go somewhere warmer,
She leff me, jes plum took off,
An now my life its gone up on blocks,

I dont know what I'm gonna do,
Now that my babys given me the boot!
I've got the blooooooos
I've got the blooooooos
My babies gone and left me with nothing but a pair of tennis shoes!

I dunno how much longer I can take the strain,
I gettin a shoulder colder than drizzelin rain,
I hear the mournful whistle of the morning train,
My baby aint caused me nothing but pain!

I dont know what I'm gonna do,
Now that my babys given me the boot!
I've got the blooooooos
I've got the blooooooos
My babies gone and left me with nothing but a pair of tennis shoes!

I was busy drown my sorrows in whisky,
When my baby came in and said "Didja miss me?"
She began to come on toward me acting, kinda frisky,
Then she tackled me to floor and started to kiss me!

Now I know just exactly what I'm gonna do,
I'm gonna slap on a smile an shake off these blues!!

- Composed by a Teenaged Computer Freak, CerebroJD

That was EXCELLENT, BoBoMoe!! Cerebro! You got da Blues!!

..dragin' out my axe and changin' my name to...Blind Bananna Bush hmmm...I used the formula but somehow that don't quite sound bluesey

Just one wish.

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three...
You only get one wish!"

The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!!
No, think of another wish."

The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish".
Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times.
My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing," know how to make them truly happy."

The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"

I've got the blues,
yes I do!
I cant seem to keep my mind off you,
yes its true,
Cant you see,
What you mean to me?
To my heart I gave you the key!

Ok that was worse than the other one

cerebroJD, look what you did, who is going to clean your >?

Ph00ey is awesome with the flash stuff

You also gave me a the idea to create a interesting 404 error page for my new site when I learn PHP.

Check this site out: its my site, and I only have the design of it, no content or something yet:

http://www.styl-x.com

Pretty cool, you might want to optimize your graphics so they load faster. I'm on cable and it took a while for some odd reason. Might want to check that out and see how it goes. If it loads fast for you, you may already have it in your temp. So you would have to dump your temp files and reload the page again. It was just a idea

I've read a article, You have 8 seconds to catch a surfer's attention. Unless they were going directly for a purpose. I've read so many help articles and books on web designing. But I'm stuck on my creative side ..

The slownes of the page dasn't have anything to do with your cable, its my lame upload speed
I will put them online soon...

Stupid Laws:
NEW YORK -
* It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun.
* The penalty for jumping off a building is death.


NEW JERSEY -
* You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service only.

* In Ocean City, it is against the law to slurp your soup at a
restaurant.


CALIFORNIA -
* It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.
* Women may not drive in a house coat.


FLORIDA -
* It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
* Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.


OHIO -
* Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.
* It is illegal to get a fish drunk.


KANSAS -
* Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.
* No one may catch fish with his bare hands.


OKLAHOMA -
* Violators can be arrested and/or jailed for making ugly faces at a
dog.
* State law prohibits anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger.


ALABAMA -
* It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in
church.
* Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. Really.



WISCONSIN -
* In Racine, it is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.
* Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.


VIRGINIA -
* It is illegal to sell peanut brittle on Sundays.
* Flipping a coin in a restaurant to see who pays for coffee is
outlawed.


TEXAS -
* It is illegal have more than three sips of beer at a time while
standing.
* It is illegal for person to go barefoot without first obtaining a
permit.
* A few years ago they removed the "needed killing" plea for murder cases.

ILLINOIS -
* It is against the law to use a slingshot unless you are a police
officer.
* Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.

OREGON
* It is against the law to pump your own gas.

IOWA -
* Public kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five
minutes.
* One-armed piano players must perform for free.
* In Ottumwa, "It is unlawful for any male person, within the
corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom
he is unacquainted."

WASHINGTON -
* It is illegal to paint polka dots on the American flag.
* People may not buy a mattress on Sunday.


MASSACHUSETTS -
* Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
* It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.


ARIZONA -
It is illegal to hunt camels within the state borders.
In Tucson, women may not wear pants.


ALASKA -
* Public flatulence carries a $100 fine.

ARKANSAS -
* The law against voter intimidation is written so that, if
enforced, nobody would be allowed to vote: "No Person shall be
permitted under any pretext whatever, to come nearer than 50
feet of any door or window of any polling room, from the
opening of the polls until the completion of the count and
certification of the counted returns."

GEORGIA -
* In Ackworth, all households must own fishing poles.

LOUISIANA -
* It is illegal to bring a tiger over the state line without
having it dipped. (Gov. Huey P. Long made the Ringling Bros. unable
hold their show by enforcing this one)

WASHINGTON -
* In 1989, Senator Jim West proposed legislation to make it
illegal for couples under 18 to engage in "heavy petting". It
was killed the next year.


Cities:
In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the
same time.

In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to
dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.

In Carmel, N.Y., a man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and
pants that do not match.

In St. Louis, it's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and
drink beer from a bucket.

In Hartford, Conn., you aren't allowed to cross a street while walking
on your hands.

In Baltimore, it's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second story
window within the city limits. It's also illegal to take a lion to the
movies.

In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing
while standing in front of a man's picture.

In Carrizozo, N.M., it's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in
public (includes legs and face).

In Pennsylvania it is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house
together because that constitutes a brothel... however up to 120 men
can live together, without breaking the law.

In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her
husband's permission.

In Pennsylvania, "any motorist driving along a country road at night
must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for
the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue."

In Kentucky, "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway
within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or
unless she be armed with a club."

An amendment to the above legislation: "The provisions of this statute
shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding
200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses."

Finally got on here!

Interesting Facts

* It is impossible to lick your elbow.

* People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze,
your heart stops beating for a millisecond.

* The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest
tongue twister in the English language.

* If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress
a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.

* In every episode of Seinfeld there's a Superman somewhere.

* 35% of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

* A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

* In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, ingest 70
assorted insects and 10 spiders.

* Cat's urine glows under a black light.

* Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

*Kim*

Uhm... I did try to ilck my elbow

werewolf can lick his elbow

Oil Change instructions for Men:

Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.

Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.

Open a beer and drink it.

Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

Place drain pan under engine.

Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

Give up and use crescent wrench.

Unscrew drain plug.

Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

Have another beer while watching oil drain.

Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.

Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.

Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.

Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

Remember drain plug from step 11.

Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.

Drink beer.

Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug.
Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.

Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

Drink beer.

Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

Begin cussing fit.

Throw stupid crescent wrench.

Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.

Beer.

Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

Beer.

Beer.

Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

Beer.

Lower car from jack stands.

Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.

Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.

Beer.

Test drive car.

Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

Car gets impounded.

Call loving wife, make bail.

12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total-- $4165.00

-- But you know the job was done right.

Dang, I can't lick my elbow , That would be interesting if I could Then I could prove it wrong

Hmm, I should try sneezing with my eyes open

Danged if I could either Weaksid...I hear if ya sneeze with your eyes open your eyeballs pop out!

(o)(o)
____

ATCHOO!

(_)(_)
____

MURPHY'S OTHER LAWS

1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
8. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.
9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
10. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
11. He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.
12. She's always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the "June flower."
13. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
14. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
15. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
16. Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
17. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
18. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
19. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.
20. Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
21. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
22. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
23. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
24. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population.
25. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
26. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
27. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
28. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
29. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.
30. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
31. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
32. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
33. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
34. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
35. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
36. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Danged if I could either Weaksid...I hear if ya sneeze with your eyes open your eyeballs pop out!

And it aint a pretty sight!