Messageboard Joke Marathon
Sunday, January 19, 2003 by Mr_Ph00ey2u | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
Ok...bring on your best or worst but leave everyone laughing 
Joke Rulez
1. Let's keep them PG. WC is a Family Place.
2. Links to Funny Pics or Flash files are welcome.
3. Throwing fruit and veggies at bad jokes is encouraged!
Joke Rulez
1. Let's keep them PG. WC is a Family Place.
2. Links to Funny Pics or Flash files are welcome.
3. Throwing fruit and veggies at bad jokes is encouraged!
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Mike Daniel
Reply #2 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:11 PM
Reply #2 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:11 PM
I may have posted this before... borderline or worse?
What does a puppy and a near sighted gynecologist have in common?
A wet nose.
What does a puppy and a near sighted gynecologist have in common?
A wet nose.
Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #4 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:13 PM
Reply #4 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:13 PM
Taxidermist
A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, expecting to see some pitiful yankee dandy.
The bartender looks up and says, "You ain't from around here, are ya???
Where ya from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from New York."
The bartender asks, "What the heck you do in New York?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"
The guy says nervously, "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's okay boys, he's one of us!"
A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, expecting to see some pitiful yankee dandy.
The bartender looks up and says, "You ain't from around here, are ya???
Where ya from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from New York."
The bartender asks, "What the heck you do in New York?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"
The guy says nervously, "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's okay boys, he's one of us!"
Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #7 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:20 PM
Reply #7 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:20 PM
Morals Story
The teacher gave her class an assignment: have their parents tell them a
story with a moral. The next day the kids returned with their stories.
Ashley said, "I live on a farm and we have a lot of hens. One time we
were taking our eggs to market when my little brother dropped the basket
and they all broke. So the moral of this story is, 'Don't put all your
eggs in one basket!'"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too, but we
raise chickens for meat. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they
hatched we only got five live chicks. The moral is, 'Don't count your
chickens before they hatch!'"
"Very good, Sarah. Now Little Johnny, do you have a story?"
"My daddy told me this story about Aunt Karen. She was a fighter pilot
in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy
territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a
machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break,
then she landed in the middle of 100 Iraqi troops. She killed 70 of them
with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed 20
more with the machete till the blade broke. Then she chased down and
strangled the last 10 with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your
daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking!"
The teacher gave her class an assignment: have their parents tell them a
story with a moral. The next day the kids returned with their stories.
Ashley said, "I live on a farm and we have a lot of hens. One time we
were taking our eggs to market when my little brother dropped the basket
and they all broke. So the moral of this story is, 'Don't put all your
eggs in one basket!'"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too, but we
raise chickens for meat. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they
hatched we only got five live chicks. The moral is, 'Don't count your
chickens before they hatch!'"
"Very good, Sarah. Now Little Johnny, do you have a story?"
"My daddy told me this story about Aunt Karen. She was a fighter pilot
in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy
territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a
machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break,
then she landed in the middle of 100 Iraqi troops. She killed 70 of them
with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed 20
more with the machete till the blade broke. Then she chased down and
strangled the last 10 with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your
daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking!"
Mike Daniel
Reply #10 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:26 PM
Reply #10 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:26 PM
HAHAHA.... You win! The whole room here is laughing...
Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #11 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:29 PM
Reply #11 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:29 PM
A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Polish sausage."
The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something.
"If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican?
Would ya, huh? Would ya?"
The clerk says, "Well, no."
With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says,
"Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?"
The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."
The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something.
"If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican?
Would ya, huh? Would ya?"
The clerk says, "Well, no."
With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says,
"Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?"
The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."
Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #12 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:34 PM
Reply #12 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:34 PM
You know what happens when you play country music backwards?
You quit drinking, you get your wife back, you're rehired and your lost dog comes home.
You quit drinking, you get your wife back, you're rehired and your lost dog comes home.
Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #16 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:37 PM
Reply #16 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:37 PM
Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Redneck Say No Matter How Drunk They Are:
10. I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.
9. I'd never date anyone under 21.
8. I don't have a favorite college football team.
7. "Hee Haw" was overrated.
6. Wrasslin's fake.
5. Who's Richard Petty?
4. I thought Graceland was tacky.
3. I couldn't find a thing at Target today.
2. Bartender! Bring us some Heinekens.
And the Number One thing you'll never hear a redneck say no matter how drunk
they are:
1. Checkmate.
10. I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.
9. I'd never date anyone under 21.
8. I don't have a favorite college football team.
7. "Hee Haw" was overrated.
6. Wrasslin's fake.
5. Who's Richard Petty?
4. I thought Graceland was tacky.
3. I couldn't find a thing at Target today.
2. Bartender! Bring us some Heinekens.
And the Number One thing you'll never hear a redneck say no matter how drunk
they are:
1. Checkmate.
Angel_Wings
Reply #18 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:40 PM
Reply #18 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:40 PM
On a person WC note (he-he)
This guy
<------needs SERIOUS dental work!
Poor lil' fella...now don't you worry, open up and say [said in high pitched horror], "AHHHHHHHHHHHHh!"
This guy
<------needs SERIOUS dental work! Poor lil' fella...now don't you worry, open up and say [said in high pitched horror], "AHHHHHHHHHHHHh!"
Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #20 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:42 PM
Reply #20 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:42 PM
Hmmm gotta find a dentist joke for him ...but in the meantime...
One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.
Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
...but in the meantime...One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.
Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
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Reply #1 Sunday, January 19, 2003 10:08 PM
The police arrived and found a woman dead on her living room floor with
a golf club next to her body. They asked the husband, "Is this your
wife?"
"Yes," he replied.
"Did you kill her?"
"Yes, he replied."
"It looks like you struck her eight times with this 3-iron. Is that
correct?"
"Yes," he replied, "...but put me down for a five."