Messageboard Joke Marathon
Sunday, January 19, 2003 by Mr_Ph00ey2u | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
Ok...bring on your best or worst but leave everyone laughing 
Joke Rulez
1. Let's keep them PG. WC is a Family Place.
2. Links to Funny Pics or Flash files are welcome.
3. Throwing fruit and veggies at bad jokes is encouraged!
Joke Rulez
1. Let's keep them PG. WC is a Family Place.
2. Links to Funny Pics or Flash files are welcome.
3. Throwing fruit and veggies at bad jokes is encouraged!
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Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #722 Wednesday, March 12, 2003 12:14 PM
Reply #722 Wednesday, March 12, 2003 12:14 PM
Phooey's French Fries
http://www.solarnight.com/frenchfries/
http://www.solarnight.com/frenchfries/
Kimbabe
Reply #723 Thursday, March 13, 2003 11:22 AM
Reply #723 Thursday, March 13, 2003 11:22 AM
Crunchy Bird
"Hey, bartender," says a customer, sitting at the bar. "What kind of
bird is that sitting on the perch?"
"Oh," says Bob the bartender, "that's a Crunchy Bird!"
"I never heard of a Crunchy Bird," says the patron.
"Just watch," says Bob. He takes a newspaper off the bar and throws it down on the floor, then he turns to the bird and says, "Crunchy Bird, my paper!" The bird swoops down and attacks the newspaper. He rips it to shreds until there's nothing left but tiny pieces of confetti.
"Wow," says the customer, "can I try?"
"Be my guest," the bartender replies.
The customer takes off his shoe and puts it on the bar and says,
"Crunchy Bird, my shoe!" The bird flies down off the perch and picks the shoe up with his beak. He slams the shoe down on the bar and starts attacking it. In no time, the shoe is reduced to nothing but a few pieces of leather and a shoelace. Then the bird flies back to his perch behind the bar.
Suddenly a tough looking guy walks into the bar. He yells, "Gimme a
drink NOW!"
He looks around the bar snarling and yells at the patrons, "What the
Hell are you clowns looking at?" The bar is completely silent.
Then the bully notices the bird and says, "What the Heck kind of stupid looking bird is that?"
"That's a Crunchy Bird," says bartender Bob.
The tough guy laughs and yells, "Crunchy Bird, my butt!"
*Kim*
"Hey, bartender," says a customer, sitting at the bar. "What kind of
bird is that sitting on the perch?"
"Oh," says Bob the bartender, "that's a Crunchy Bird!"
"I never heard of a Crunchy Bird," says the patron.
"Just watch," says Bob. He takes a newspaper off the bar and throws it down on the floor, then he turns to the bird and says, "Crunchy Bird, my paper!" The bird swoops down and attacks the newspaper. He rips it to shreds until there's nothing left but tiny pieces of confetti.
"Wow," says the customer, "can I try?"
"Be my guest," the bartender replies.
The customer takes off his shoe and puts it on the bar and says,
"Crunchy Bird, my shoe!" The bird flies down off the perch and picks the shoe up with his beak. He slams the shoe down on the bar and starts attacking it. In no time, the shoe is reduced to nothing but a few pieces of leather and a shoelace. Then the bird flies back to his perch behind the bar.
Suddenly a tough looking guy walks into the bar. He yells, "Gimme a
drink NOW!"
He looks around the bar snarling and yells at the patrons, "What the
Hell are you clowns looking at?" The bar is completely silent.
Then the bully notices the bird and says, "What the Heck kind of stupid looking bird is that?"
"That's a Crunchy Bird," says bartender Bob.
The tough guy laughs and yells, "Crunchy Bird, my butt!"
*Kim*
spinal
Reply #724 Thursday, March 13, 2003 3:32 PM
Reply #724 Thursday, March 13, 2003 3:32 PM
You may have to read this out loud to get it.
A piece of string was sitting at a bar, minding his own business, when a huge length of rope came over and picked a fight with him. The string tried his best to avoid the confrontation, but in the end had to fight the rope.
The bar tender broke up the fight, and threw them both out, telling them in no uncertain terms never to return.
A few hours later, the string returned to the bar to try to get a drink, the bartender again threw him out…”but it wasn’t my fault, surely you can see that…” said the piece of string. But the bartender wouldn’t listen.
Outside, the piece of string ruffled his hair and tangled himself up a little, then went back into the bar.
The bartender looked at him, and asked – “Aren’t you that piece of string I threw out of here earlier?”
“No.” replied the string, “I’m a frayed knot.”
Couldn’t remember the greatest joke in the world, so this is just a tribute.
A piece of string was sitting at a bar, minding his own business, when a huge length of rope came over and picked a fight with him. The string tried his best to avoid the confrontation, but in the end had to fight the rope.
The bar tender broke up the fight, and threw them both out, telling them in no uncertain terms never to return.
A few hours later, the string returned to the bar to try to get a drink, the bartender again threw him out…”but it wasn’t my fault, surely you can see that…” said the piece of string. But the bartender wouldn’t listen.
Outside, the piece of string ruffled his hair and tangled himself up a little, then went back into the bar.
The bartender looked at him, and asked – “Aren’t you that piece of string I threw out of here earlier?”
“No.” replied the string, “I’m a frayed knot.”
Couldn’t remember the greatest joke in the world, so this is just a tribute.
spinal
Reply #725 Thursday, March 13, 2003 3:33 PM
Reply #725 Thursday, March 13, 2003 3:33 PM
You may have to read this out loud to get it.
A piece of string was sitting at a bar, minding his own business, when a huge length of rope came over and picked a fight with him. The string tried his best to avoid the confrontation, but in the end had to fight the rope.
The bar tender broke up the fight, and threw them both out, telling them in no uncertain terms never to return.
A few hours later, the string returned to the bar to try to get a drink, the bartender again threw him out…”but it wasn’t my fault, surely you can see that…” said the piece of string. But the bartender wouldn’t listen.
Outside, the piece of string ruffled his hair and tangled himself up a little, then went back into the bar.
The bartender looked at him, and asked – “Aren’t you that piece of string I threw out of here earlier?”
“No.” replied the string, “I’m a frayed knot.”
Couldn’t remember the greatest joke in the world, so this is just a tribute.
A piece of string was sitting at a bar, minding his own business, when a huge length of rope came over and picked a fight with him. The string tried his best to avoid the confrontation, but in the end had to fight the rope.
The bar tender broke up the fight, and threw them both out, telling them in no uncertain terms never to return.
A few hours later, the string returned to the bar to try to get a drink, the bartender again threw him out…”but it wasn’t my fault, surely you can see that…” said the piece of string. But the bartender wouldn’t listen.
Outside, the piece of string ruffled his hair and tangled himself up a little, then went back into the bar.
The bartender looked at him, and asked – “Aren’t you that piece of string I threw out of here earlier?”
“No.” replied the string, “I’m a frayed knot.”
Couldn’t remember the greatest joke in the world, so this is just a tribute.
mrtee
Reply #727 Thursday, March 13, 2003 10:55 PM
Reply #727 Thursday, March 13, 2003 10:55 PM
Spinal,
The greatest joke in the world (as voted on in England);
Two hunters out in the New Jersey wilds, one falls over, an apparant heart attack.
The other hunter dials 911 on his cell phone and starts screaming at the EMT on the other end that he thinks his buddy is dead.
The EMT says "take it slow, the first thing we have to do is make sure that he is dead."
Silence on the line. Then the EMT hears "BANG!"
The hunter gets back on the phone and says "ok, what's next?"
I may have changed it slightly but that is the basic joke. Went over pretty well where I work, a hospital.
The greatest joke in the world (as voted on in England);
Two hunters out in the New Jersey wilds, one falls over, an apparant heart attack.
The other hunter dials 911 on his cell phone and starts screaming at the EMT on the other end that he thinks his buddy is dead.
The EMT says "take it slow, the first thing we have to do is make sure that he is dead."
Silence on the line. Then the EMT hears "BANG!"
The hunter gets back on the phone and says "ok, what's next?"
I may have changed it slightly but that is the basic joke. Went over pretty well where I work, a hospital.
Kimbabe
Reply #728 Friday, March 14, 2003 3:52 PM
Reply #728 Friday, March 14, 2003 3:52 PM
mrtee!
New Inspectors
Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams
who are in Iraq? They're all men! How in the name of the
United Nations does anyone expect men to find Saddam's stash?
We all know that men have a blind spot when it comes to
finding things. For crying' out loud! Men can't find the dirty
clothes hamper. Men can't find the jar of jelly until it falls out
of the cupboard and splatters on the floor ... and these are
the people we have sent into Iraq to search for hidden weapons
of mass destruction?
I keep wondering why groups of mothers weren't sent in.
Mothers can sniff out secrets quicker than a drug dog can
find a gram of dope. Mothers can find gin bottles that dads
have stashed in the attic beneath the rafters. They can sniff
out a diary two rooms and one floor away. They can tell when
the lid of a cookie jar has been disturbed and notice when a
quarter inch slice has been shaved off a chocolate cake. A mother
can smell alcohol on your breath before you get your key in
the front door and can smell cigarette smoke from a block away!
By examining laundry, a mother knows more about their kids than
Sherlock Holmes. And if a mother wants an answer to a question,
she can read an offender's eyes quicker than a homicide detective.
Considering the value a mother could bring to an inspection team,
why are we sending a bunch of old men who will rely on electronic
equipment to scout out hidden threats?
My mother would walk in with a wooden soup spoon in one hand,
grab Saddam by the ear, give it a good twist and snap, "Young man,
do you have any weapons of mass destruction?" And God help him
if he tried to lie to her. She'd march him down the street to
some secret bunker and shove his nose into a nuclear bomb
and say, "Uh, huh, and what do you call this, mister?" Whap!
Thump! Whap! Whap! Whap! And she'd lay some stripes
across his bare butt with that soup spoon, then march him home
in front of the whole of Baghdad. He'd not only come clean
and apologize for lying about it, he'd cut every lawn in Baghdad
for free for the whole damn summer.
Inspectors, my butt ... you want the job done?
Call my mother.
*Kim*
New Inspectors
Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams
who are in Iraq? They're all men! How in the name of the
United Nations does anyone expect men to find Saddam's stash?
We all know that men have a blind spot when it comes to
finding things. For crying' out loud! Men can't find the dirty
clothes hamper. Men can't find the jar of jelly until it falls out
of the cupboard and splatters on the floor ... and these are
the people we have sent into Iraq to search for hidden weapons
of mass destruction?
I keep wondering why groups of mothers weren't sent in.
Mothers can sniff out secrets quicker than a drug dog can
find a gram of dope. Mothers can find gin bottles that dads
have stashed in the attic beneath the rafters. They can sniff
out a diary two rooms and one floor away. They can tell when
the lid of a cookie jar has been disturbed and notice when a
quarter inch slice has been shaved off a chocolate cake. A mother
can smell alcohol on your breath before you get your key in
the front door and can smell cigarette smoke from a block away!
By examining laundry, a mother knows more about their kids than
Sherlock Holmes. And if a mother wants an answer to a question,
she can read an offender's eyes quicker than a homicide detective.
Considering the value a mother could bring to an inspection team,
why are we sending a bunch of old men who will rely on electronic
equipment to scout out hidden threats?
My mother would walk in with a wooden soup spoon in one hand,
grab Saddam by the ear, give it a good twist and snap, "Young man,
do you have any weapons of mass destruction?" And God help him
if he tried to lie to her. She'd march him down the street to
some secret bunker and shove his nose into a nuclear bomb
and say, "Uh, huh, and what do you call this, mister?" Whap!
Thump! Whap! Whap! Whap! And she'd lay some stripes
across his bare butt with that soup spoon, then march him home
in front of the whole of Baghdad. He'd not only come clean
and apologize for lying about it, he'd cut every lawn in Baghdad
for free for the whole damn summer.
Inspectors, my butt ... you want the job done?
Call my mother.
*Kim*
Green Armani
Reply #729 Saturday, March 15, 2003 12:02 AM
Reply #729 Saturday, March 15, 2003 12:02 AM
http://home.attbi.com/~manuel_luna/Gallery/Baby.mpg
Fuzzy Logic
Reply #730 Sunday, March 16, 2003 6:09 PM
Reply #730 Sunday, March 16, 2003 6:09 PM
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, " So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely,
this must be a sign from God!" The woman continues, "and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, " So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely,
this must be a sign from God!" The woman continues, "and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "
White_Moth
Reply #731 Sunday, March 16, 2003 9:52 PM
Reply #731 Sunday, March 16, 2003 9:52 PM
A man was complaining that his wife kept asking him for money.
"It's money, money, money, all the time," he said.
"What does she do with all the money?" asked the bystander.
"Dont know," was the reply; "havent given her none yet."
"It's money, money, money, all the time," he said.
"What does she do with all the money?" asked the bystander.
"Dont know," was the reply; "havent given her none yet."
White_Moth
Reply #732 Sunday, March 16, 2003 10:04 PM
Reply #732 Sunday, March 16, 2003 10:04 PM
A man walked into a dairy and asked, "How do you sell your milk?"
The dairyman replied, "By the yard."
The man said, "All right, measure me off a yard."
The dairyman dipped his fingers in a can of milk, ran it along the table and remarked triumphantly, "There you are."
The man answered, "You're all right, please wrap it up--I'll take it with me."
The dairyman replied, "By the yard."
The man said, "All right, measure me off a yard."
The dairyman dipped his fingers in a can of milk, ran it along the table and remarked triumphantly, "There you are."
The man answered, "You're all right, please wrap it up--I'll take it with me."
White_Moth
Reply #733 Sunday, March 16, 2003 10:33 PM
Reply #733 Sunday, March 16, 2003 10:33 PM
Arriving home one evening a man found the house locked up.
After many futile attempts at various windows on the first floor, he finally climbed onto the shed roof and with much difficulty entered through a second story window.
On the dining room table he found a note from his wife.
"I have gone out. You will find the key under the mat at the front door."
After many futile attempts at various windows on the first floor, he finally climbed onto the shed roof and with much difficulty entered through a second story window.
On the dining room table he found a note from his wife.
"I have gone out. You will find the key under the mat at the front door."
White_Moth
Reply #734 Sunday, March 16, 2003 10:56 PM
Reply #734 Sunday, March 16, 2003 10:56 PM
A man who was wanted by the police had been photographed previously in six different posistions, and the pictures were circulated among the police departments.
The Chief of Police in a rural county phoned headquarters a few days later after the pictures had been distributed and said:
"I have received the pictures of the six miscreants and have arrested five of them, and the sixth is now under observation and will be arrested shortly."
The Chief of Police in a rural county phoned headquarters a few days later after the pictures had been distributed and said:
"I have received the pictures of the six miscreants and have arrested five of them, and the sixth is now under observation and will be arrested shortly."
Fuzzy Logic
Reply #735 Monday, March 17, 2003 7:23 AM
Reply #735 Monday, March 17, 2003 7:23 AM
" ONLY IN AMERICA"
Signs...
On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."
**************************
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
**************************
At a Proctologist's door
"To expedite your visit, please back in."
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
**************************
Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
**************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************
On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
**************************
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************
In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire
and take appropriate action."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've
come to the right place."
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a
car payment."
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your
payment.
However, if you don't, YOU will be!!"
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and
get fed up."
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station,
"Tank heaven for little grills."
**************************
And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator
Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
Signs...
On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."
**************************
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
**************************
At a Proctologist's door
"To expedite your visit, please back in."
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
**************************
Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
**************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************
On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
**************************
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************
In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire
and take appropriate action."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've
come to the right place."
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a
car payment."
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your
payment.
However, if you don't, YOU will be!!"
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and
get fed up."
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station,
"Tank heaven for little grills."
**************************
And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator
Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
Jafo
Reply #736 Monday, March 17, 2003 7:53 AM
Reply #736 Monday, March 17, 2003 7:53 AM
Sign on rubbish truck...'Satisfaction guaranteed or twice your rubbish back'...
Title of picture framer's in Melbourne....'Artholes'...
Title of picture framer's in Melbourne....'Artholes'...
Kimbabe
Reply #737 Monday, March 17, 2003 12:11 PM
Reply #737 Monday, March 17, 2003 12:11 PM
Happy St. Patricks Day!
Ferguson the blacksmith came in with a badly damaged foot. The doctor was surprised, for Ferguson was a careful man. "What happened to you, Paddy?" he asked. "Well, thirty-three years ago I was a young apprentice with Twomey of Ballinanaspickbuidhe ......" "But about your foot.....?" "This is about me foot. Twomey had a daughter and your eyes could gaze on her like the way a bullock would eat good grass. The first night I was there she came in when I was in bed and asked if I was comfortable and if I wanted anything and I said I didn't. The next night she came in when I was in bed and she wearing her nightdress and she asked me if there was any single thing she could get me or do for me and I told her I was as comfortable as a bug in a rug. The next night she came in and the girl hadn't a thing on her and she asked me if she could do anything for me and not wanting to keep her standing in the cold and she without a shift I said there was nothing." "What has that got to do with your foot, Ferguson?" asked the doctor impatiently. "Sure it was only this morning that I finally thought of what she meant and I was so annoyed with meself that I threw me ten-pound hammer against the wall and it rebounded and broke me ankle."
*Kim*
Ferguson the blacksmith came in with a badly damaged foot. The doctor was surprised, for Ferguson was a careful man. "What happened to you, Paddy?" he asked. "Well, thirty-three years ago I was a young apprentice with Twomey of Ballinanaspickbuidhe ......" "But about your foot.....?" "This is about me foot. Twomey had a daughter and your eyes could gaze on her like the way a bullock would eat good grass. The first night I was there she came in when I was in bed and asked if I was comfortable and if I wanted anything and I said I didn't. The next night she came in when I was in bed and she wearing her nightdress and she asked me if there was any single thing she could get me or do for me and I told her I was as comfortable as a bug in a rug. The next night she came in and the girl hadn't a thing on her and she asked me if she could do anything for me and not wanting to keep her standing in the cold and she without a shift I said there was nothing." "What has that got to do with your foot, Ferguson?" asked the doctor impatiently. "Sure it was only this morning that I finally thought of what she meant and I was so annoyed with meself that I threw me ten-pound hammer against the wall and it rebounded and broke me ankle."
*Kim*
mrtee
Reply #738 Monday, March 17, 2003 7:20 PM
Reply #738 Monday, March 17, 2003 7:20 PM
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He goes back into the saloon, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.
"WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MA HOSS?", he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered.
"ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER DRINK AND IF MA HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another drink, walked outside, and his horse is back! He saddles up and starts to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks,
"Say, partner, before you go...What happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
"WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MA HOSS?", he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered.
"ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER DRINK AND IF MA HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another drink, walked outside, and his horse is back! He saddles up and starts to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks,
"Say, partner, before you go...What happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
mrtee
Reply #739 Monday, March 17, 2003 7:25 PM
Reply #739 Monday, March 17, 2003 7:25 PM
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest:
"Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your dog`s death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there`s a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they`ll do something for the animal."
Muldoon said, "I`ll go right now. Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?"
Father Patrick: "Why didn`t you tell me the dog was Catholic?!"
"Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your dog`s death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there`s a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they`ll do something for the animal."
Muldoon said, "I`ll go right now. Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?"
Father Patrick: "Why didn`t you tell me the dog was Catholic?!"
mrtee
Reply #740 Monday, March 17, 2003 7:27 PM
Reply #740 Monday, March 17, 2003 7:27 PM
Fagan made a lot of money in his furniture store one year so he went to Paris for a holiday.
"Twas grand," he told his friends in Galway.
"How did you get on," asked Padraig McGiolla, "and with not a word of the language in you."
"Twas simple. Look at the girleen I met in the park. I drew a picture of a taxi and she knew what I meant so we went for a drive. I drew a lot of plates and cutlery and she knew I wanted her to go for dinner. I drew two people dancing and we went to a night club. At the end of the evening she took the pencil from me and drew a big double bed...."
"Would you believe it," said Padraig with awe. "She even knew you were in the furniture business."
"Twas grand," he told his friends in Galway.
"How did you get on," asked Padraig McGiolla, "and with not a word of the language in you."
"Twas simple. Look at the girleen I met in the park. I drew a picture of a taxi and she knew what I meant so we went for a drive. I drew a lot of plates and cutlery and she knew I wanted her to go for dinner. I drew two people dancing and we went to a night club. At the end of the evening she took the pencil from me and drew a big double bed...."
"Would you believe it," said Padraig with awe. "She even knew you were in the furniture business."
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Reply #721 Tuesday, March 11, 2003 8:48 PM