Messageboard Joke Marathon
Sunday, January 19, 2003 by Mr_Ph00ey2u | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
Ok...bring on your best or worst but leave everyone laughing 
Joke Rulez
1. Let's keep them PG. WC is a Family Place.
2. Links to Funny Pics or Flash files are welcome.
3. Throwing fruit and veggies at bad jokes is encouraged!
Joke Rulez
1. Let's keep them PG. WC is a Family Place.
2. Links to Funny Pics or Flash files are welcome.
3. Throwing fruit and veggies at bad jokes is encouraged!
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Weaksid
Reply #42 Monday, January 20, 2003 3:12 PM
Reply #42 Monday, January 20, 2003 3:12 PM
Ok, I found one that was in my archive.. Probably 1 of 3 that are less than R.. You've maybe heard it but this goes with the Redneck issue. If your offended by the Redneck jokes, dont' be because I live in the middle of Hicksville, PA.
You're A Redneck Jedi When
Rated PG
1. You use the force to cheat at fishing, bowling, and long-distance spitting.
2. More than half the droids you own don't function.
3. The number of blasters you own exceeds your I. Q.
4. You wonder why Luke and Leia never got married.
5. You used a carbon-freezing chamber to store the 78 Wampas you shot while vacationing on Hoth.
6. Your moonshine is made on the moon.
7. You don't like wearing a Jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket.
8. Sandpeople back down from your mama.
9. You've used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a DUI.
10. You've strangled people with the force because they laughed at your accent.
11. You built an outhouse over the Sarlaac.
12. You've argued with a Jawa over scavenging rights to a broken droid.
13. A Wookie has told you that you need to shave.
14. You've wrecked several landspeeders while lighting cigarettes with your lightsaber.
15. You don't think the Ewoks are primitive.
16. You've gone AT-AT tipping.
17. Jabba's pig guards think you have a hygiene problem.
18. You consider your lightsaber the ultimate bug zapper.
19. The Rancor monster refused to eat you.
20. You discovered that your greatest enemy is, in fact, your father, who also happens to be your brother.
You're A Redneck Jedi When
Rated PG
1. You use the force to cheat at fishing, bowling, and long-distance spitting.
2. More than half the droids you own don't function.
3. The number of blasters you own exceeds your I. Q.
4. You wonder why Luke and Leia never got married.
5. You used a carbon-freezing chamber to store the 78 Wampas you shot while vacationing on Hoth.
6. Your moonshine is made on the moon.
7. You don't like wearing a Jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket.
8. Sandpeople back down from your mama.
9. You've used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a DUI.
10. You've strangled people with the force because they laughed at your accent.
11. You built an outhouse over the Sarlaac.
12. You've argued with a Jawa over scavenging rights to a broken droid.
13. A Wookie has told you that you need to shave.
14. You've wrecked several landspeeders while lighting cigarettes with your lightsaber.
15. You don't think the Ewoks are primitive.
16. You've gone AT-AT tipping.
17. Jabba's pig guards think you have a hygiene problem.
18. You consider your lightsaber the ultimate bug zapper.
19. The Rancor monster refused to eat you.
20. You discovered that your greatest enemy is, in fact, your father, who also happens to be your brother.
werewolf
Reply #43 Monday, January 20, 2003 3:14 PM
Reply #43 Monday, January 20, 2003 3:14 PM
hmmm I'll try one...it's an oldie
A man goes into a house of ill repute, goes to his favorite girl on the top floor. He tells her to take of all her close and stand in front of the open window there. He runs at her...smacks into her and knocks the both of them out the window, going at it like crazy.
Shortly thereafter, a drunk walks into the lobby and says to the guy there "Misther...your sign fell down, but it's still working"
A man goes into a house of ill repute, goes to his favorite girl on the top floor. He tells her to take of all her close and stand in front of the open window there. He runs at her...smacks into her and knocks the both of them out the window, going at it like crazy.
Shortly thereafter, a drunk walks into the lobby and says to the guy there "Misther...your sign fell down, but it's still working"
Angel_Wings
Reply #44 Monday, January 20, 2003 3:21 PM
Reply #44 Monday, January 20, 2003 3:21 PM
Weaksid
Good ones!
Angel_Wings loves a good redneck-jedi joke!
Good ones!
Angel_Wings loves a good redneck-jedi joke!
werewolf
Reply #45 Monday, January 20, 2003 3:32 PM
Reply #45 Monday, January 20, 2003 3:32 PM
Q: How do you know that the word 'Toothbrush' originated in Arkansas?
A: Because if it didn't, it would have been called Teethbrush
A: Because if it didn't, it would have been called Teethbrush
Angel_Wings
Reply #46 Monday, January 20, 2003 3:41 PM
Reply #46 Monday, January 20, 2003 3:41 PM
Werewolf
Angel_Wings hopes the 'toofless' folk don't get angry!
Angel_Wings hopes the 'toofless' folk don't get angry!
elvee
Reply #50 Monday, January 20, 2003 3:50 PM
Reply #50 Monday, January 20, 2003 3:50 PM
Disco Duck is burning thr floor with Disco Inferno!!!
Angel_Wings
Reply #52 Monday, January 20, 2003 3:55 PM
Reply #52 Monday, January 20, 2003 3:55 PM
Angel_Wings wonders if elvee is watching Disney channel while chatting with WOM
Disco...
Rap...
Beethoven
The movie, that is. Charles Grodin cwacks me up...
Disco...
Rap...
Beethoven
The movie, that is. Charles Grodin cwacks me up...
Weaksid
Reply #53 Monday, January 20, 2003 3:58 PM
Reply #53 Monday, January 20, 2003 3:58 PM
I get it.. I just got up.. A little slow.. Even though it's around 4pm. 
Weaksid
Reply #55 Monday, January 20, 2003 4:01 PM
Reply #55 Monday, January 20, 2003 4:01 PM
Here is a good song to listen to that goes with this..
Ray Stevens - "The Streak"
Ray Stevens - "The Streak"
Angel_Wings
Reply #56 Monday, January 20, 2003 4:05 PM
Reply #56 Monday, January 20, 2003 4:05 PM
Angel_Wings still has to reprimand herself for her mental "knee-jerk" reflex of pronouncing Arkansas as "Ark-Kansas" rather than "Ark-AN-Saw" She catches herself and always feels silly for it. *Blush* Some words are just phonetically challenged...
Keila
Reply #57 Monday, January 20, 2003 4:09 PM
Reply #57 Monday, January 20, 2003 4:09 PM
All these have been so funny. My turn...
How to change your oil:
Women:
1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since The last
oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check for 25 dollars and leave with a
properly maintained vehicle.
Men:
1. Go to O’Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil,
filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back
to O’Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid’s pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench. Round off 4 of 6 points
on plug.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it
off. Oil drains down arm and collects in armpit. Oil is still hot.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil
to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil
drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
(1992) in the left boob.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh
oil spilled during step 23.
40. Drive car ½ quart low for 7000 miles when it’ll be time for another
oil change.
My turn... How to change your oil:
Women:
1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since The last
oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check for 25 dollars and leave with a
properly maintained vehicle.
Men:
1. Go to O’Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil,
filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back
to O’Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid’s pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench. Round off 4 of 6 points
on plug.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it
off. Oil drains down arm and collects in armpit. Oil is still hot.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil
to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil
drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
(1992) in the left boob.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh
oil spilled during step 23.
40. Drive car ½ quart low for 7000 miles when it’ll be time for another
oil change.
Weaksid
Reply #58 Monday, January 20, 2003 4:30 PM
Reply #58 Monday, January 20, 2003 4:30 PM
Even though it was a male basher, I still liked it.. two thumbs up.
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Reply #41 Monday, January 20, 2003 3:05 PM