Got a Funny?
I need a laugh.....
Sunday, November 27, 2011 by RedneckDude | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
 |
|
Page 3 of 7 | |
|
|---|
Reply #42 Sunday, December 4, 2011 11:02 AM
Getting Bank of America By The Balls
A little old lady walks into Bank of America and asks to open a savings account. The new accounts receptionist first thinks this is strange, probably because everyone is leaving them for credit unions now. At any rate, the accounts person asks her how much she wanted to deposit to open the account, and the little old lady replies, "Three million dollars." The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it right here in this bag..."
The accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff with big denominations. In light of this highly unusual event, the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank involved. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money. She says, "Gambling."
"Gambling?", he says. "What sort of gambling?"
"Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For example, I've got $100,000 right here that says that by noon tomorrow your balls will be square, and I'll even give you 10:1 odds. You got $10,000 you'd be willing to wager on that?" The bank president is shocked at this sort of thing coming from a sweet little old lady, but he didn't get to be the president of Bank of America without knowing a thing or two about money. "I suppose I could come up with enough to cover that wager, but I wouldn't feel right taking it from you... there's just no way you could win that bet!" The little old lady just shook the bag and said, "I know what I'm doing... and I can afford to lose! Is it a bet?"
"OK, have it your way", said the president, and they shook hands on it." See you at 11:55 tomorrow morning", said the little old lady, and with that she left.
Next morning at 11:55 the little old lady arrives with a younger man in a three-piece suit, and is escorted to the bank president's office. The president is a nervous wreck, though a happy one. He'd gotten almost no sleep the night before, waking every few minutes to feel his balls to check for impending squareness, but nothing happened all night. He had checked hundreds of times that morning, but still nothing; perfectly normal. When the little old lady arrived he started to relax, knowing he had won. "Come in, please have a seat! Who might this gentleman be?" said the president. "He's my lawyer. For a bet of this size I want to have a witness. Any objections?"
"No, perfectly understandable", said the president. "Well, it's now noon, and I'm still unchanged, so I guess I win!" he said happily.
"Not so fast!" said the little old lady. "For a hundred grand I want to verify things personally! Please, drop your pants!"
The bank president is a bit flustered, but agrees that in her position he'd want proof as well, so he drops his pants. The little old lady goes over to him and reaches out to feel the organs in question. "OK, you win, here's your $100,000," says the little old lady, handing over a bag of bills. As she does so, her lawyer starts banging his head against the wall and moaning.
"What's wrong with him?" asks the bank president.
"Oh, he's just upset... sore loser if you ask me. You see, I had a bet for $1,000,000 with him that I would have the President of Bank of America by the balls by noon today!"
Reply #43 Sunday, December 4, 2011 11:08 AM
try here http://www.funnyandjokes.com/
Reply #48 Tuesday, December 6, 2011 12:41 PM
Husband and wife are at a county fair, and are walking through the antique farm equipment exhibit when they come across a strange horse drawn contraption labeled 'manure spreader'. The wife asks, "What on earth is that thing?" The husband, having been raised in the South explains, "Back in the day they didn't have fertilizer like they do now, so they would load up manure on this wagon and the horses would pull it across the field." The wife asks, "Do they still have manure spreaders?" The husband responds, "Yes, but today we call them politicians."
Reply #49 Tuesday, December 6, 2011 5:52 PM
With the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus's sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve.
The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and it is also okay. Then he says, "Santa, lets take it up for a check ride and if everything looks good I'll certify you to fly."
Santa hitches the reindeer up and taxis onto the runway and just as he's starting his takeoff roll he looks over and notices the inspector has a pump shotgun on his lap. "Hey! Whats the shotgun for!?" Santa yells.
The inspector says, "Well, Santa, I'm really not supposed to tell you this, but there is going to be an engine failure on takeoff."
Reply #51 Sunday, December 11, 2011 1:24 AM
The Talking Centipede
A single guy decided life would be more fun
if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store
and told the owner
that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion,
he finally bought a talking centipede,
(100-legged bug),
which came in a little white box
to use for his house.
He took the box back home,
found a good spot for the box,
and decided he would start off
by taking his new pet
to church with him.
So he asked the centipede
in the box,
"Would you like to go
to church with me today?
We will have a good time."
But there was no answer
from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit,
but he waited a few minutes
and then asked again,
"How about going
to church with me
and receive blessings?"
But again,
there was no answer
from his new friend and pet.
So he waited
a few minutes more,
thinking about the situation.
The guy decided
to invite the centipede
one last time.
This timehe
put his face up against
the centipede's house and shouted,
"Hey, in there!
Would you like to go
to
church with me
and learn about God?"
.....
YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS ......
This time,
a little voice
came out of the box,
"I heard you the first time!
I'm putting my shoes on!"
Reply #52 Sunday, December 11, 2011 1:28 AM
We've all talked to this guy ... At Last....A Picture of Him .
When Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar,
you have passed all the tests, except one.
Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'
Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'
The manager said,
'Make a sentence using the words
Yellow, Pink, and Green .'
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said,
'Mister manager, I am ready.'
The manager said, 'Go ahead.'
Mujibar said,
'The telephone goes green, green ,
and I pink it up, and say,
Yellow , this is Mujibar..'
Mujibar now works at a call center.
No doubt you have spoken to him.
I know I have.
Reply #53 Sunday, December 11, 2011 1:33 AM
God Bless little old ladies!
|
If you don't laugh at this one you need to lighten up! |
It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds..
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a usedcar..
He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car or were they trying to steal it?
'Heavens no, we bought it.'
'Then why don't you drive it away.'
We can't drive.'
Then why did you buy it?'
'We were told that if we bought a Used car here
we'd get screwed ...so we're just waiting.
Reply #58 Sunday, December 11, 2011 12:28 PM
Vulcans are well known for their sense of humor. Just look at his face.
Reply #59 Sunday, December 11, 2011 8:48 PM
These two guys walk into a bar
and the third one ducks.
Please login to comment and/or vote for this skin.
Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:
- Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums and downloading skins.
- Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
- Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
- It's simple, and FREE!
|
|
Page 3 of 7 | |
|
|---|
Reply #41 Sunday, December 4, 2011 10:41 AM
Where do you get this stuff? I'm over here trying not to have an accident because I'm LMAO!