Got a Funny?

I need a laugh.....

Sunday, November 27, 2011 by RedneckDude | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk

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Reply #1 Monday, November 28, 2011 1:03 AM

I can't see anything wrong with that advice.  Seems to me it was appropriate under the circumstances... and following it could offset her being late for work again.  More to the point, it would improve her fuel economy.

Reply #2 Monday, November 28, 2011 5:58 AM

Or it could simply be she ran out of gas. Does the gas gauge work?

Reply #3 Monday, November 28, 2011 7:00 AM

  Right thar RedneckDude.  LMAO          Wow  Amazing ain't it.

Reply #4 Monday, November 28, 2011 11:17 AM

Smart Student


The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late.

Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family.

A 'smart' student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?"

As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look.

"Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."

Reply #5 Monday, November 28, 2011 11:48 AM

Reply #6 Wednesday, November 30, 2011 6:12 AM

Extracts from letters sent to a council housing office - Part 2

"I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them away."

"My lavatory seat is cracked - where do I stand?"

"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared."

"Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."

"This is to let you know that our toilet seat is broken and we can't get BBC2 television programs."






Reply #7 Wednesday, November 30, 2011 10:22 AM

Reply #8 Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:38 AM

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"


Funny - Beer contains female hormones


Beer contains female hormones......

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released
the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of
female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain
phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a
1 Hour period.

It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
1) argued over nothing.
2) refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally
8 )Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.

Reply #9 Thursday, December 1, 2011 11:00 AM

Funny - Beer contains female hormones


Reply #10 Thursday, December 1, 2011 11:10 AM


Reply #11 Thursday, December 1, 2011 11:11 AM

Did they consider the possibility that women were peeing in their hubby's beer?


*doc is glad mrs starkers posted that... if it were a man, he'd never get any again. I don't mean beer.

Reply #12 Thursday, December 1, 2011 8:15 PM

*doc is glad mrs starkers posted that... if it were a man, he'd never get any again. I don't mean beer.


  I couldn't help myself  

Reply #13 Thursday, December 1, 2011 8:38 PM
John Paul Mitchell Systems
P.O. Box 10597
Beverly Hills, CA 90213-3597

Dear Paul Mitchell or Designated Agent of Same;

Our family is delighted with the products of the Paul Mitchell system. We would not entertain the thought of venturing outside our home until Paul Mitchell has washed, conditioned, rinsed, gelled, sculpted and sprayed our hair. Your products have repeatedly rescued us from the terror of a BAD HAIR DAY!

However, lately we have encountered several problems. It began one morning after a shower when my wife tried to use her 16 oz. Sculpting Spray pump. Just when she needed Paul Mitchell the most, it didn't come through, the pump that is. I tried to hold the bottle at different angles using different hands to depress the pump sprayer. I even held it upside down. I gently stroked the bottle and spoke softly to it. (In case the spray was fearful to come out). Then I shook the bottle and spoke not so softly. (In case the spray had an obedience problem) but it was to no avail.

Then my wife Vicki discovered that her Super Clean Extra Firm Holding Spray 10 oz. aerosol can had a problem. When she sprays it, half the spray hits her hair and the other half dribbles straight down. Now mind you, the Super Clean spray looks super good on Vicki's hair, but not too good on her new dress. Now if my son stands beside my wife, right up against her, sometimes he can get the dripping spray on his hair, but it is not very well distributed among his follicles.

Finally our 32 oz. Awapuhi Shampoo went on the fritz. One day recently while minding our own business, we pumped the pump to access the precious substance inside and the pump broke. Now when I say broke I mean broke! A big hole now sits in the center of our shampoo cap. Now I don't know how this happened. Maybe the pump grew weary of pumping or perhaps some consumer agency requires the use of breakaway pumps to avoid damage to the bottle just as breakaway rims are used in basketball to save the backboard. Whatever the reason for the misfortune, it is inconvenient to say the least.

Now when I want to wash my hair I must grab the bulky 32 Oz. bottle with wet hands and squeeze shampoo out the hole in the lid. Paul Mitchell Awapuhi comes out in big globs. So I attempt to put some back in the bottle, but it runs down my leg and straightway down the drain never stopping to lather anything enroute.

This experience has answered one question for me! Where did you get the name Awapuhi? Well, now I know because that's what I say after the frustration of the afore mentioned incident, Awh-Pooey.

I feel like the pauper who lived in a ramshackle shack over the richest oil well in Texas. He knew the precious substance was close by, he just couldn't get it out. It's like the U.S. Postal Service; the content of my mail is welcome but the delivery system leaves something to be desired, if you know what I mean.

In closing, I hope this problem can be remedied. I am saddened because the Figsby family put their faith in the Paul Mitchell System but alas the system failed us!


Mr. Terrence Figsby

Reply #14 Thursday, December 1, 2011 8:43 PM

Reply #15 Thursday, December 1, 2011 8:46 PM

if it were a man, he'd never get any again

This would imply that you're getting some.

Didn't we already have a talk about you playing doctor over at the nursing home.

Reply #16 Thursday, December 1, 2011 9:06 PM

Old Heads need a little TLC too at times, even if they must use  proxy. Proxy don't mind ...... she's blonde.

Reply #17 Thursday, December 1, 2011 9:11 PM

Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?

Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses' asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table.Hey, YOU wanted to know!


Reply #18 Thursday, December 1, 2011 9:22 PM

Reply #19 Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:24 PM

Hershey-squirt anyone?


Reply #20 Thursday, December 1, 2011 10:25 PM

Two blondes are walking through the woods.   They come upon some tracks.


First blond "I think these are deer tracks."

Second blond "No silly, those are moose tracks."

They were still arguing when the train hit them.






Two guys are walking down the street, they see a dog licking himself.


First guy "I wish i could do that."


Second guy "Maybe you should pet him first."



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