Journeys
Looking for feedback...
Wednesday, October 26, 2011 by Uvah | Discussion: Community
From time to time I mentioned the book I'm writing. I thought perhaps putting a bit of it up here would get me a little feedback and at the same time some inspiration. So... here goes. A newly formed family unit calling itself Kierelel is dealing with the presence of unwanted outsiders on their world. This is an excerpt from chapter 2 book 1.
Soldiers fell like bowling pins slammed by a perfect strike. Daniel alone accounted for several and the girls ... they were like screaming banshees as they fought side by side with the marines. Seely however concentrated on their leader. Before they attacked Seely ordered their cloaks disengaged, she wanted these soldiers of Dassiu to see who was killing them. Seely got to the leader quickly. she faced him unarmed, smiling daring him to come at her and come at her he did. He made all of ten feet before Seely nailed him with a left cross to his face, she wanted him alive. The others ... she didn't give a damn what happened to them. In the end only the leader survived, his command ... slaughtered.
"Present for you Daniel" Seely had the leader by his collar and tossed him at Daniel's feet. "This guy goes by the handle Trusted Lieutenant. Guys a freakin' wuss if ya ask me." Seely stepped aside to join her sisters. Daniel smiled down at the hapless officer, battered and bloody as he was. When someone as large as Daniel hauls you up by your throat clear off the ground to be at eye level with him you have reason to fear, the Trusted Lieutenant was terrified.
"Fear me you should little man." Daniel taunted him. "You are from Dassiu ... yes." When no answer was forthcoming Daniel shook him like a ragdoll. "ANSWER ME! You are from Dassiu ... yes?"
"Y...y...y...yes." the lieutenant managed to croak out an answer.
"Just making sure." Daniel said then let him go. "Jewel .. take this fool and hold him. I've got something special in mind."
On Dassiu Prime His Majesty was enjoying a cocktail before a sumptuous feast was laid out before him and his guests when a loud knock on the door to the Dining Hall drew his attention.
"Come." He shouted.
The door opened and a page walked in carrying a wooden box. He was shaking, sweating profusely as he approached his king.
"What is this?" He asked.
"Sire, this is ...... is ......"
"Speak up man!" The king ordered.
Sire, from Kierelel this is. A n ... n .... note, sire." He handed His Majesty a slip of parchment that came with the box. Then he ran for his life.
His Majesty read the note and all color drained from his face, his eyes bulged as he put the note down and opened the box. His Majesty almost lost it as he screamed. Inside the box was the Trusted Lieutenant's head and the note ... it read. YOU'RE NEXT!
So ...... what you think?
Reply #22 Saturday, October 29, 2011 3:57 PM
I'm entranced.
If this was a book in front of me, I wouldn't be able to put it down. Or a tv program, couldn't shut it off.
[e digicons]:')[/e] Sad about Raptor. She sounded Valiant.
Uvah, your book is so cool. Must say that Anna sounds delightful.
May I have some more, pleease?
Reply #23 Monday, October 31, 2011 1:53 PM
Found in Space .....
She was only onboard Raptor for three days before Captain J'Don got the call. Before that Raptor was involved in an ongoing search for the slaver ship when her sensors detected a life pod floating in space. He interrupted their search long enough to investigate and much to his surprise the capsule was occupied. That's how they found Anna, held in suspended animation and asccording to the data cubes found in her capsule Anna had been floating in space for three hundred years!
They knew she came from a world called Eesira, a world that had crossed over that many years ago. They also knew that the girls they had rescued all came from another world named Selene that had also crossed over and was a colony to Eesira.
The Orion slaver they were searching for had been found orbiting Shiata Six by a trader who frequents the area. The trader sent an emergency message to Sanctuary. He knew they were involved in a search and rescue operation and that this was the ship they wanted.
The Orion slaver had been taken, its crew executed on Captain J'Don's orders. They found a Travelers vessel locked down in its main cargo hold. Upon further investigation they were able to determine who these girls were, where they were taken from and their place of origin.
This is why Shiata Six had to be destroyed. Not only to eliminate that many more slavers but to eliminate any and all evidence of the girls existence. Too many entities in this part of the galaxy would give their right arm to possess these girls, control them, use them for their own ends. Fortunately J'Don got to them first.
A brief history of who these girls are and why they are so important: Oldest first
Planet of Origin Adopted world
Elizabeth Montgomery 'Liz' age 26 Selene Earth
Elizabeth Nguyen 'Beth' 25 " "
Elizabeth Cummins 'Betty' 25 " "
Jessica Armstrong 24 " "
Jennifer Duquayne 'Jen Jen' 24 " "
Jewel Armee 23 " "
Kara Tovany 23 " "
Eleanna Tayla 22 " Rivanu
Kiras 21 " Ronosa
Holly Simmons 21 " Earth
April Summers 21 " "
Jamie Lee Scranton 21 " "
Riaal 20 " Aurelia
Angelica Morris 'Angel' 20 " Earth
Erica Jones 19 " "
Noki Tonega 19 " E'Tosha
Yoshi Tomitsu 18 " Earth
Sarah Whitefeather 18 " "
Mae'Ling Cheung 18 " "
Why they are so important: They are Indigo children, the next step in human evolution. You would think that this means they possess some kind of arcane abilities and you would be right, to a point. They are Elementals. They can manipulate the world around them. Earth, Wind, Fire and Air but ... these are not arcane by no means. Their abilities are a result of a form of technology developed on Eesira ... ready ... five million years ago! A technology that has evolved over that time until you have what is called ..... magic. Nah ... just kidding. There is nothing magical about it. They use the power of their minds.
If you're an UFO enthusiast you'll appreciate this part. There have been many unsubstantiated accounts of UFO abductions. In this case they're true. All nineteen of these girls were abducted from Earth by the Orion slavers. This is the part I like. They were taken at different times as in years. I mentioned a Travelers vessel. This Traveler came from the future circa 4992. In his time these girls are history in that they are partially responsible for many of the advances in peace that are a part of his time. He is an historian and it was his research that brought him back to the year 2886 to record the appearance of these girls on the galactic stage.
The Orions intercepted his vessel mistaking him for a trader. They managed to board his vessel, kill him and take his ship. They soon learned that what they had was a time ship. What's more they learned why he was there and who he was looking for. The Orions treat their females like property to be bought and sold and they figured these girls would fetch a mighty high price because of who they are. So they used his ship to go back in time to abduct them. Now ... Orions are not as smart as they'd like to think they are. They did manage to find the appropriate years where these girls were but on their return one of the values was off and deposited them in an alternate reality in which these girls are instrumental in bringing down their slave empire. They were held in captivity for five long years before being rescued by Raptor.
Next. Who is Anna Seelya R'Mae?
Reply #24 Monday, October 31, 2011 10:47 PM
Uvah, you write the way I like it.... sci-fi and aliens, I just love it. ![]()
Reply #26 Tuesday, November 1, 2011 1:29 PM
Anna Seelya R'Mae, born 1 June 2575 to Selaan and Idoloran R'Mae, Treanni Prefect, Northern Territories, Planet Eesira. At age 5 (keep in mind that the difference between Eesiran years and ours are 3 to 1. One year on Earth is three years on Eesira) Anna is taken under her father's wing and introduced to the Academy at Srebanca. There she is allowed to watch new recruits as their instructors put them through their paces.
"Dun Dun ... what them doin'?" Anna asked.
"Shhh Anna ... just watch."
Today's bouts were a no holds barred competition between masters vying for the opportunity to serve at their masters side during the upcoming re-dedication ceremony for the new hall. Anna watched intently paying close attention to how they moved, countered and strike back at their opponents. She mimicked some of those moves with her hands, noting the smooth almost graceful way in which they were executed. At the end of the bouts when the floor had been cleared and her father otherwise occupied Anna decided she wanted to try some of those moves herself. She didn't notice her father watching out of the corner of his eye.
Stripping down to her shorts and tank top Anna first performed the 'loosening up' exercises her father taught her. Satisfied that she was ready Anna launched into a complex maneuver designed to disable an opponent with as little contact as possible. During a well executed back flip Anna misjudged her proximity to the wall and hit it almost knocking her self out. As it was she saw stars for awhile. Seeing this Idoloran helped Anna to her feet, made sure she wasn't too badly banged up then proceeded to berate her for not paying attention. Anna was near tears, her father had never scolded her in front of anyone before. He then explained to her the reason.
"As my daughter you will one day inherit my title Anna." He said to her. "So you must understand that if I am hard on you it is because I love you and wish you out of harms way. If you are to be my heir then you will train as they do, sleep as they do with one eye open, eat as they do knowing that at any moment someone may try to take what you have."
Anna never forgot those words and in the coming months she trained harder, slept less and ate faster because there were those who did try and Anna was determined that none would succeed and they didn't. At age six, the youngest to do so, Anna won her first masters. It wasn't easy as she had to best three opponents at one time and success is rated by how many of them do not get up after being put down. As many opponents as Anna had to face over the years not one ever got up. They were too busy nursing the many bruises she gave them. At age ten Anna won her fourth and final masters. This was by far the most difficult and deadly because the opponents she would face were real. To earn her degree as a weapons master Anna must face body guards whose sole aim was to kill her, if they could.
A brief note: Idoloran is Eesira's Grand Master and founder of the Assassins Guild. Anna was trained as an assassin by her father and by the time she was eleven had five kills under her belt. Here is where it gets most interesting, I think at least. Before Idoloran met Selaan he was known by quite a different name, synonymous with evil. Today you would liken him to the Devil or Hades or any other character associated with the dark side.
He was known as The Nexus, one the oldest known intelligences in the universe. He came into being some eighteen billion years ago when the universe itself was born. Wherever he went death and destruction followed until one day he came to planet Eesira to do his mischief. There he met Selaan, herself a power to reckon with. Selaan is a research scientist whose specialty is molecular engineering. Her birthright however is a bit more complex.
Everyone is familiar with the concept of Gaia, the Earth Mother or at least the principal. To the Eesir Gaia is a real person who lived on Eesira five million years ago. She too was a scientist and it was her breakthrough in the realm of nano-technology that enabled her to synthesize that technology and incorporate it into their very DNA. Thus the abilities she possessed and passed on down the line come to them naturally.
Selaan is a direct descendant of Gaia having been born under her sign. Anna too was born under that sign and therefore she possesses the same abilities as her mother. However Anna is also Idoloran's daughter or rather the Nexus' daughter and inherited his power as well.
The Nexus met and fell madly in love with Selaan on first sight. He was determined to have her but Selaan was having none of it. she told him flat out that if he wanted her that badly then he must turn around and undo all the harm he had done. At first he balked but when Selaan picked up an iron skillet and hit him over the head with it Nexus quickly backed down. No one had ever stood up to him before let alone hit him with something. He parted from Selaan for a year. During that time he visited all those places where he caused havoc and did his level best to reverse the harm. He rebuilt worlds, made resources freely available to all who needed them, improved the quality of life for countless billions and after all that, when he returned to Eesira and proposed to Selaan she took him so fast his head didn't have time to spin. After all in order to protect her investment she had him followed and knew what he had done.
Satisfied that Anna had mastered all he could teach her as an assassin Idoloran proceeded to teach her all he knew as the Nexus. When that phase of her learning was complete and with Anna comfortable with the power she possessed Idoloran then taught her how 'not' to use it. He instilled in his daughter a great respect for other cultures, to love life and to protect it come what may. Then the time came for Idoloran to take his daughter on the side and explain to her what was about to happen.
to be continued..........
Reply #29 Friday, November 11, 2011 7:04 PM
WooHoo
Will do.
Nexus and Selaan sound like cool parents.
Reply #30 Saturday, November 12, 2011 10:46 AM
I wonder if anyone else is reading this. Oh well ......
Think of Nexus as the personification of evil and his wife the exact opposite. Everyone knows that opposites attract. I took this from an event in my own life. My father was an alcoholic and my mother, while not exactly a prude, was dead set against his continuing. So one night after another futile argument she picked up an iron skillet and hit my father over the head with it. True story. He never picked up another bottle from then until the day he passed on. Kinda shows you the power of love ... I guess.
Selaan did the same thing with the Nexus, picked up an iron skillet and belted him with it. She made it as a condition that if he wants her as bad as he says he'll go out and undo all the harm he had wrought throughout the years. Idoloran or Nexus, same thing, parted from Selaan for one year. Within that time he did all he could to set right all those mistakes he made. He rebuilt worlds where once he had taken them away. Freed cultures that he put into the bonds of slavery and restored the quality of life to many more. Only after all this did Idoloran return to Eesira to claim his prize. When he proposed Selaan wasted no time in accepting him as her husband. She knew what he had been doing. After all ... she wanted to protect her investment and had him followed.
When the extreme left mates with the extreme right what you have is a balance of the two. Seely is that balance.
Reply #31 Saturday, November 12, 2011 2:21 PM
True love can move mountains they say. Or is that faith? They are powerful emotions. Not sure how much more powerful that a frying pan?
I'm glad that had a happy ending for you? I was wondering what they looked liked. Scaly, or furry or purple or diminutive?? haha
Right now I think of them as humanesque....? Do tell....
Reply #32 Monday, November 14, 2011 12:35 PM
There are many human species that exist in our galaxy IROKONESS. Earth is not exclusive in that respect. Selaan, indeed the Eesir are human as are the Arwhen who are their sponsors. Seely and her sisters are human obviously since most of them grew up on earth. A sister by the name of Riaal grew up on Aurelia, also a human world. El'Van, Shaana and Gathos are also human worlds. Some have long pointed ears while others do not. As the story goes on I'll introduce you to the blue girl and the green girl and one who is special. Her name is Pixela Ramadad or Pixel for short. four foot tall with an attitude.
Think Wraiths, Saurians, Emerald cities and other dimensions.
Reply #33 Monday, November 14, 2011 4:22 PM
Awesome. I'm watching your story as a movie. Or how it would be if it was a movie.
Where's my popcorn?
{ I may have watched to many movies in my life.}
Reply #36 Tuesday, November 15, 2011 2:21 PM
Are you getting anxious?
Have to keep my head screwed on straight.
That Idoloran knew Eesira was about to cross over didn't lessen the pain he felt. His Anna is an only child and putting her in, what could potentially be, harms way didn't help any. That she understood the reason why said much for a young adolescent. On the eve of cross over Idoloran took Anna aside to explain one last detail.
"Listen carefully Anna." He said. "The area of space where you'll be is as safe as we could make it. You'll be accompanied by several droids specifically designed to protect you. The capsule you'll occupy is equipped with shielding and will render you undetectable to all but those capable of sensing your presence. It is hoped that one culture in particular will find you. They are the Arwhen. You'll know them easily as your senses are tuned to their auras."
"Dun Dun ... where will you be?" Anna asked. "I know I must look for you but how will I know? Will the Arwhen know where to find you or show me the way?"
"It shall not happen right away Anna. You must first find your sisters, bring them together and know them. When the time comes you'll know as I'll come to you in your Special Place."
"Then to trust the judgment of others? I think not father. When I judge the time is right and only then. I'm doing this so that our people will have the second chance to build a new life on a new home. When I am with my sisters and with the blessing of the Arwhen then we shall see. Father ...... I love you very much and ... and I pray I can do right by you and mother. I make one promise. I will find her. I will bring her back and we will be together again. Promise!"
Early the next morning shortly before sunrise a capsule was launched into space. Its drive engaged it took Anna far beyond the confines of the home system, out and above the ecliptic to a specified place where it settled into its long wait while inside Anna slept and dreamed of coco milk and lollipops, her two favorite snacks.
Three hundred years would go by before Anna was found and the ship that found her was named ... Raptor.
On the twelfth day Daniel awoke lying on his left side. Not thinking he got up and stretched and only then did he realize Anna was not holding his hand.
"Dante! ... Dante!" He shouted and ran for the wall comm. Just before he activated it Healer Dante entered the room.
"What is all this racket? Do you want to wake her? Calm yourself."
"But ... wait. You know??" Daniel stood there looking dumbfounded.
"Of course I do Daniel, we all do. Anna awoke from the coma last night complaining she was hungry. She is completely healed and well on her way to a full recovery thanks to you. Now... go take that bath you've been talking about in your sleep. Go ... shoo!"
"But I don't talk in my ......" The look on Healer Dante's face suggested otherwise. "Okay fine." He said and disappeared into the washroom.
"Men .... can't dress 'em nor shoot 'em. Now Anna ...... lets have a look at those stats." Healer Dante busied herself going over the diagnostic readings and logging the results. Doctor Timoney will want to review them. The last entry she made was for Anna's diet when she awoke.
Next: Therapy and ice cream.
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Reply #21 Saturday, October 29, 2011 1:04 PM
The arrival ...............
"Message from Sanctuary captain." Trish, at Ops, turned in her seat. "Healer Dante says the infirmary is clear and teams are standing by. She requests an update."
"Tell Dante they're alive. We'll be there in less than five minutes and have transport ready. Ours is down and its not coming back."
"Aye sir. Message sent."
"Bridge ... sickbay. Our patients are stable but Commander Daniken will not be able to return. He's been usurped." Doctor Timoney looked over at the Regen chamber Anna was placed in. Her injuries was so grievous, so extensive that ordinary surgery was out of the question. Only in the Regeneration Chamber does she stand any chance and with the commander by her side, holding her hand, the odds were better than even, not much but better.
"Here commander ... drink this." An orderly handed Daniel a tall fruit drink laced with potent vitamins. He'll need it because Anna is taking his life force through the contact and using it to stay alive.
"Thank you Ensign." His voice was barely above a whisper and throaty. The drain on him was tremendous. He was at the beam out point when Anna was brought up, face down on a grav sled and encased in a stasis field. He had reached out to take her hand, lend his support because she was still conscious but Anna grasped his hand so tightly he cried out and she was not letting go. So here he was, sitting beside this diminutive girl with platinum blonde hair and big blue eyes letting her have all the energy she needs.
Sanctuary's transports were ready when Raptor made orbit and the beam down commenced even before Raptor's engines shut themselves down, their cores burnt to a crisp. Raptor had seen her last mission.
The triage teams, led by Healer Dante, immediately went to work. Specialist were on hand along with a team of geneticists from nearby Dreima. They were called in when Doctor Timoney relayed their condition to Sanctuary.
Several grueling hours had passed before Healer Dante declared them all out of danger. All but young Anna who was waging a desperate battle to survive. Twice she had flat lined and twice they were able to bring her back. Healer Dante had induced coma to lessen the strain on Anna's already weakened systems. She checked on the commander who looked sallow because of the drain on his. Somehow Anna was channeling his life force, aggressively, to augment her own. How, she had no idea, but then again no one knew that much about Anna to begin with.
next ..... found in space