Um, yeah, it has potential.  Of course, the story in its entirety would make more sense and explain in greater detail the characters and events, etc, but you certainly have the basis for something quite good there.

Agree... God sh*t, but want more to understand more.

Glad you´re alive and kicking ass again Uvah. All worked out with the stuff you said were coming your way ? If not PM ME !! 

Uvah... keep writing! Keep trying, man... never give up. Faith, hope and effort.

It will get better.

I loved it..... I want more..... it had me from the start and my imagination went into overdrive......that is good writing babe,

Just one question!  Is it too late to fit in a paragraph or two about Mr.Chow?

When it gets a little further along and as for Mr. Chow ...... ha ha. I'm working on a synopsis and will post it here soon.

 What genre is this, sci-fi? Off the bat, the idea of 'A newly formed family unit calling itself Kierelel' sounds interesting. Then you have the plus of strong females of equal capabilities with their 'brother'. Yeah, I think it has potential, and I'd like to know more about this world. I could go on, but I'm a member of a large online writing critique group and I tend to be hyper-critical about these things...lol.  

How far along are you on this story? Definitely keep writing.

I'm working on the final revision. There are six books total. The first five tell of the families beginnings over a span of two hundred years. The last what this family has created as it is one thousand years into their future. One of the main characters:

Anna Seelya R'Mae ... 5 foot nothing .... platinum blonde with a gold streak down the middle. Big blue eyes, pug nose and a perky smile with pointed ears. Her father is the founder of the Assassins Guild and she is trained as one. Seely, as she is called, is all of 17 years old as we measure time. On her native world of Eesira one of our years equals three of theirs. Seely is the last of the Eesirans. More to come.....

omfg......thats hot......

Cool, so it's high fantasy. You've written six books? Wow, that's quite a lot of work, a major accomplishment in and of itself. Best of luck with this.

Tomorrow ......

Standing off the fifth planet's small moon Raptor opens up with all four pulsar arrays targeting Shiata Six dead center. The planet explodes in a shower of meteoric debris taking four thousand Orion slavers with it. Raptor then turns and her captain orders all engines to full power, redlining the cores to one hundred fifteen percent. His only hope is that Raptor holds together long enough to reach home. Nineteen critically injured lives depend on...............

She's an inspiration for a Windowblind, isn't she?

And much, much more... but then I'm probably dreaming about a whole 'nother ballpark, where the impossible becomes reality.

But yeah, she sounds smokin' hot.

What? No 'It was a dark and stormy night?'

Looks like a good start. Be interesting to see what else shapes up.

Hope things are starting to go better for you, I only just now caught up on threads about the crap you were going through lately.

hell yeah, think gestapo blonde baby....... me and uvah must be drinking the same water.. xxx

if you get published.......im gonna buy them Ross, you can count on it hey...... i want them !!!!

Yeah, I know, might have to come up with another one, but have always been a huge Marvin fan

Excerpt - Chapter One

     "FIRE!" The order was given. Raptor, standing off the fifth planet's small moon, opened up with all four pulsar arrays targeting Shiata Six dead center. Once a notorious venue for the buying and selling of slaves, long abandoned and used this one time as a prison for nineteen special captives Shiata Six explodes in a shower of meteoric debris taking four thousand Orion slavers with it. The great starship shudders under the impact as the shock wave passes over it. Raptor then turns and her captain orders all engines to full power, redlining the cores to one hundred fifteen percent, leaving behind a rocky debris field and the end of a nightmare. Nineteen critically injured girls depend on her and the captain's only hope is that Raptor holds together long enough to reach home.

     In the ship's sickbay triage teams work feverishly to stabilize the former captives. Meatball surgery it was called back in the day. Assess their injuries, repair what you can and stabilize them for transport to a medical facility better equipped to handle them. In this case that facility is on another world many light years distant.

     "Ops ... signal ahead. Our ETA is twelve minutes. Tell Dante we have them. Sickbay ... your status?" Captain J'Don is pacing his bridge, silently wishing his ship could move faster. They had succeeded in rescuing the nineteen captives but the second team leader, remaining behind to cover their escape, was caught in the backlash of an explosion and now lies near death, her back ripped to shreds.

     "We're working on it captain." Doctor Timoney, his gloved hands stained in blood, stood over one of the victims whose legs had been smashed. He managed to remove the fragments but the bones themselves would have to be replaced.

     "Doctor ... the commander ..."

     "Bumps and bruises captain but don't count on him any time soon, he's needed" Ripping off the gloves doctor Timoney deposited them in waste disposal, selected another pair and moved on to the next patient. This ones arms were severely fractured in four places. She too would need bone replacements. In fact all of them will. These girls are in bad shape. Some of them will be lucky to survive.

     "Doctor ... Anna ...is she ..." J'Don is getting anxious.

     "Captain ... the commander has her. I'll give you an update when I can. Orderly. This ones ready. Next."

     On the bridge the Ops officer turned in his seat. "Captain ... escorts picked up several bogies on intercept."

     "Let them deal with 'em. Helm ... kick it!"

     "Aye sir. New ETA ... six minutes." Engines screaming, cores pushed beyond acceptable limits Raptor shuddered violently.

     "C'mon baby c'mon. Five more minutes!" Grasping the back of his center seat J'Don is cursing up a blue streak. His ship may be old and battered but she still has some life left to her.

to be continued ...

Yup, this is shaping up very nicely, Uvah me old mate, very nicely indeed.