People have too different views on what might be appropriate for others to do unto them.

I mean... Some people think it's ok to get a gentle slap on the bottom every now and then, it doesn't make it right for them to give every other person a gentle slap on the bottom, does it?

I suggest something like a "Give other the same freedom of choice as you expect to get from them"-button with "applied common sense (tm)" included...

A way to read my wifes Mind ( as she some how seems to think Im supposed to be able to do this already). As well as a Translation device to decypher the data.

HG_Eliminator heads off to his nothing box...

HG_E: From one man's experiene:

A Woman's Language, translated to English:

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
She's cute = She's ugly
He's hot = He's hot

Do you think I look pretty? = I look pretty, and you should say I do too
What's are you doing right now? = Nothing because you're bored without me.
I don't want anything for (my birthday/Christmas) = Surprise me with more than your empty hands.
What are you doing tomorrow? = Want to do something with me tomorrow?
Who was that? = Who do I need to kill?
How much money do you have? = How much of your money can I spend?
Do you think that girl is pretty? = You better not think that girl is pretty.
Call me = Call me or I'll make you cry 

A Woman's Behavior, analyzed:

Laughs a lot = Flirt with me.
  Watch out. These women will kill you by playing on your pride. Use the buddy system to stay above water and not drown in their flattery.

Glares a lot = I want to kill you.

  Watch out X 2. Travel in packs around girls that do this. You need at least four men. One to fight her off/hold her back, and three to run for help. I personally like to do the latter.

Talks to herself = I've heard of girls whispering, "The end is near" randomly…um…see solution to "Glares a lot."

I have a feeling that even the most successful attempts on such a device would render a result like this;

I tried to make it as non-gender-biased as possible... But I'm not so sure I succeeeded.

I should have used the original... R' Hillel said:

Do not do to others what you would not have them do to you.

Though It doesn't invalidate my point anyway...

Merde Je T'dit! Some one should spank him! 

Me, R' Hillel or both of us? I'm sure we both have done things to deserve it,

 A remote that control's your children.. set permanently to CLEAN YOUR ROOM SON.

I think I need someone to invent a monitor poo guard.  The big monkey declared war.

You can try, but you can't possibly stop it all. 

Yeah! Even the monkey's know how bad that can be!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrUmzZkF8tU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prtsIbjTjQc&feature=related

I wish somebody would invent portable potholes... so that when you hit one you can reverse, pick it up and move it outside of fat arsed bureaucrats houses to annoy the crap out of them instead.

A download button that automatically sent the skinner a free pizza.Toppings of their choice,of course.

"A remote that control's your children" with a mute button also.

I wish somebody would invent an automated curried cabbage gas capture device... to save me having to sit on these little jars several... er, hundreds of times every day.

Quit "methane" around and get some bigger jars.

Sleepless life.

Bacon that is good for You!

I tried that with no success whatsoever.  It had something to do with volume = density = pressure = mass = volatility.  In other words, the glass of the larger jars was thinner and could not withstand the huge volume of gas being instantly thrust into a confined space that was not designed to accomodate mass decidely larger than itself, in proportion to mass per square inch in an uncontrolled environment of significantly lesser size than the quantity being expended into it at a velocity greater than the speed of sound.

The smaller jars, however, withstand the blunt force trauma due to the greater density of glass as opposed to... yeah, you get the message.