When Should Mom Stop
Sleeping and Showering with Boys
Tuesday, August 12, 2008 by RadialFX | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
My girlfriend and I are at odds on when should a parent start exihbiting healthy boundries to their children. She has 2 boys (10 and 13) and still showers with them and allows them to sleep with her. She's even described her oldest son's genitals as starting to look "Manly". The other day they were laughing in the background, I asked her what was so funny and she said they were laughing about rubbing soap on her ass in the shower. There's the situation. I'm concerned that if we try to take this any further I'm gonna be the "Bad Guy" that came along and took their space in the bed, shower, etc... Not to mention the kind of emotional damage it may induce. I know that the LAST thing I ever want to remember is what my mom looked like naked. I need some feedback....please. Thanks
Edit: The reason I'm asking is because she thinks I'm whacked for being critical of the situation and It's about to cause a breakup. If I'm being wierd about this then I can swallow it and go on. BUT, I'm just convinced that there are going to be some major issues if she continues to ignore the suggestions. Issues that would be tough to deal with, jealousy, rebellion, all sorts of acting out, etc...
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WebGizmos
Reply #42 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 5:53 AM
Reply #42 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 5:53 AM
And yes Rad....you did the right thing! Tell her not to let the door hit her in the ass on the way out. And who cares what anyone calls you...at least it won't be pervert or registered sex offender! 
NightTrainthedark
Reply #43 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 6:07 AM
Reply #43 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 6:07 AM
A person with a prude perspective will see this situation as bad and should be reported.
A person with an extremely open perspective will see this situation as.. ok enough is enough. It's time to seperate from your babies.
Lots of families see each other naked all the time. Should they be reported because the children are being exposed to nudity? I don't think so.
Point being.. It's a far stretch from having an open lifestyle to registered sex offender.
I grew up next door to a very outspoken and open family. I have seen the love that comes when fear is removed. It's not all as bad as it sounds sometimes.
A person with an extremely open perspective will see this situation as.. ok enough is enough. It's time to seperate from your babies.
Lots of families see each other naked all the time. Should they be reported because the children are being exposed to nudity? I don't think so.
Point being.. It's a far stretch from having an open lifestyle to registered sex offender.
I grew up next door to a very outspoken and open family. I have seen the love that comes when fear is removed. It's not all as bad as it sounds sometimes.
DrJBHL
Reply #44 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 7:07 AM
Before? Commenting to him on her son's genitals, and touching one's mother's buttocks while naked isn't sexual? Weeellll....who would define that as an appropriate filial relationship, apart from Lot's daughters, that is?
Yeah....what would she do with YOUR children, RadialFX? Think of the damage she could cause!
I don't think in a "prudish" manner, Night Train. There are appropriate relations and inappropriate. There are legal and illegal activities. As a Physician, I would be required to report this immediately. This is an unhealthy situation and an abusive one. Opposite sex parents need to know when (if it's ever justified beginning this "showering"/grooming and bed behavior) to stop it. Normal adults just don't do this stuff. The open relationship you describe in your one time neighbors is fine if it stops short of inappropriate nudity and touching/grooming activities.
Reply #44 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 7:07 AM
But in this case, she clearly has a psychological issue that needs counseling and it's best to happen NOW before this starts to take on the appearance of something abusive/sexual. Hopefully it is not actually at that stage, and nothing you have said so far seems to indicate that.
Before? Commenting to him on her son's genitals, and touching one's mother's buttocks while naked isn't sexual? Weeellll....who would define that as an appropriate filial relationship, apart from Lot's daughters, that is?
The good news is that it is very possible that she can learn to sleep without these "companion substitutes"
Yeah....what would she do with YOUR children, RadialFX? Think of the damage she could cause!
A person with a prude perspective will see this situation as bad and should be reported.
I don't think in a "prudish" manner, Night Train. There are appropriate relations and inappropriate. There are legal and illegal activities. As a Physician, I would be required to report this immediately. This is an unhealthy situation and an abusive one. Opposite sex parents need to know when (if it's ever justified beginning this "showering"/grooming and bed behavior) to stop it. Normal adults just don't do this stuff. The open relationship you describe in your one time neighbors is fine if it stops short of inappropriate nudity and touching/grooming activities.
Jafo
Reply #45 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 7:22 AM
Reply #45 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 7:22 AM
Don't confuse responsible parenting with 'prudish'.
Adults are [their] children's guardians. They do not own them.
Matchbook
Reply #46 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 7:28 AM
Reply #46 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 7:28 AM
This is resolved, anyhow.
Not much to say.
Just "wow".
If I shake my head any more vigorously, I'm likely to shake it loose from my shoulders, then onto the floor, at which point I'll kick it into the kitchen, out the door, and down the hill, ultimately into the ocean where it'll be fish food that will likely be harvested, then served to droves of meandering minions from the cruise ships for, truly, "brain food".
Not much to say.
Just "wow".
If I shake my head any more vigorously, I'm likely to shake it loose from my shoulders, then onto the floor, at which point I'll kick it into the kitchen, out the door, and down the hill, ultimately into the ocean where it'll be fish food that will likely be harvested, then served to droves of meandering minions from the cruise ships for, truly, "brain food".
starkers
Reply #47 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 9:11 AM
I dunno about in the US, but the authorities here in (Queensland) Australia view this sort of thing rather dimly and will intervene. I recently read of a case where a 'naturalist' couple were charged with lewd and laviscious behaviour, inappropriate sexual conduct and had their teenage children forcibly removed from the family home... despite the kids testifying there had never been anything inappropriate or sexual between their parents and themselves.
Taking the kids away was probably a bit of overkill in the circumstances - as in reading far more into it than there really was and erring too far on the side of caution - but that's the way of things these days, where child protection has become a priority. Sadly, despite our vigilance, the incidence of 'real' child abuse hasn't diminished... if anything it is on the rise because the courts are too soft and consequences to paedophiles are minimal.
Reply #47 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 9:11 AM
Lots of families see each other naked all the time.
I dunno about in the US, but the authorities here in (Queensland) Australia view this sort of thing rather dimly and will intervene. I recently read of a case where a 'naturalist' couple were charged with lewd and laviscious behaviour, inappropriate sexual conduct and had their teenage children forcibly removed from the family home... despite the kids testifying there had never been anything inappropriate or sexual between their parents and themselves.
Taking the kids away was probably a bit of overkill in the circumstances - as in reading far more into it than there really was and erring too far on the side of caution - but that's the way of things these days, where child protection has become a priority. Sadly, despite our vigilance, the incidence of 'real' child abuse hasn't diminished... if anything it is on the rise because the courts are too soft and consequences to paedophiles are minimal.
WeatherBound
Reply #48 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 10:09 AM
You are talking about rubbing soap on her ass.
You are talking about junior high school age. Hormones have kick in on the oldest child. It is beyond nudity at rubbing soap on her butt. this is now touching.
A 13 year old is no long a kid and has become a young man.
It needs to be stooped before it turn into something like molesting. And I pray it has not gone that far yet.
13 year old is not a kid any more.
Reply #48 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 10:09 AM
Lots of families see each other naked all the time. Should they be reported because the children are being exposed to nudity? I don't think so.
You are talking about rubbing soap on her ass.
You are talking about junior high school age. Hormones have kick in on the oldest child. It is beyond nudity at rubbing soap on her butt. this is now touching.
A 13 year old is no long a kid and has become a young man.
It needs to be stooped before it turn into something like molesting. And I pray it has not gone that far yet.
13 year old is not a kid any more.
WeatherBound
Reply #49 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 10:43 AM
As this is in the forums here. Wincustomize needs to report it too.
Reply #49 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 10:43 AM
There are legal and illegal activities. As a Physician, I would be required to report this immediately.
As this is in the forums here. Wincustomize needs to report it too.
Jafo
Reply #50 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 10:53 AM
Reply #50 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 10:53 AM
As this is in the forums here. Wincustomize needs to report it too
No, this is a simple discussion re giving advice for appropriate action on the part of a site member.
The alleged issue occured offsite and is irrelevant to, and bears no connection to the site itself...
Wizard1956
Reply #51 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 11:55 AM
At least you won't be standing in front of the fan.If the sexes were reversed and a father was bathing and sleeping with his daughters at that age,off to prison he would go!
Doing the right thing is often not easy,but it's still right.Good Luck to you.(and them)
Reply #51 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 11:55 AM
I'm sure when the crap hit's fan over there I'm gonna get an earfull.
At least you won't be standing in front of the fan.If the sexes were reversed and a father was bathing and sleeping with his daughters at that age,off to prison he would go!
Doing the right thing is often not easy,but it's still right.Good Luck to you.(and them)
DrJBHL
Reply #52 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 1:09 PM
Reply #52 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 1:09 PM
Weatherbound, Jafo is correct in fact. Reporting it would require them to divulge RadialFX's private info, and that would not be appropriate. We all eschew privacy violations (as in what the "P"RC does and others cooperated with). Handing over RadialFX's info would be such an action, and would most likely make WC "Lawyer Food".
I praise the members of the Forum for giving solid, appropriate advice to RadialFX.
I also praise RadialFX for accepting the advice gracefully, and implementing it correctly. His Counselor knows what to do with it, and is (as I am) legally bound to report it (assuming the laws where he is are the same as here).
It's also nice to know that he attended "The Zubaz Academy of Advanced Spelling".
Time to lighten up, and also time to assign him some Karma for his courage, grace and ability to do the right thing!
I praise the members of the Forum for giving solid, appropriate advice to RadialFX.
I also praise RadialFX for accepting the advice gracefully, and implementing it correctly. His Counselor knows what to do with it, and is (as I am) legally bound to report it (assuming the laws where he is are the same as here).
It's also nice to know that he attended "The Zubaz Academy of Advanced Spelling".
Time to lighten up, and also time to assign him some Karma for his courage, grace and ability to do the right thing!
starkers
Reply #53 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 2:03 PM
Apart from that being intrusive into others private business, which WC does not do, Rad has taken the necessary steps to get these people the help they need. That is/should be sufficient.
Reply #53 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 2:03 PM
As this is in the forums here. Wincustomize needs to report it too.
Apart from that being intrusive into others private business, which WC does not do, Rad has taken the necessary steps to get these people the help they need. That is/should be sufficient.
Skinhit
Reply #54 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 2:19 PM
Reply #54 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 2:19 PM
"When should Mom stop?"
A long time ago...RadialFX...You did the right thing, you and them will be in my prayers!
A long time ago...RadialFX...You did the right thing, you and them will be in my prayers!
ZubaZ
Reply #55 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 2:35 PM
Reply #55 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 2:35 PM
Apart from that being intrusive into others private business, which WC does not do,
Have you *not* seen what Po' has done to my images? 
WeatherBound
Reply #56 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 3:14 PM
I run a childcare.
(as I am) legally bound to report it in the state I live in.
So as I am in the childcare business and read things like this. It frustrates me. I know that Wincustomize can not report it, For Political reasons like Jafo said above. So I said it out of frustration. Did not mean too.
I do also.
I gave him Karma as soon as he said This:
Well, I did report it to my counselor today and she's going to handle it from there. I ended with her last night just explaining that I wouldn't deal with the issues that I knew were on the horizon and that I thought it was just plain wrong. Don't get me wrong it wasn't easy because as luck would have it, other than these major issues, her and I got along great and had a really fun 3 yrs together.
At this point I'm just so disappointed that I never picked up on it before and I really do understand that she's in denial about it. If anyone doesn't know denial, to me it means that she really doesn't think that there's anything wrong with what is happening. I'm sure in her mind she thinks nothing of it. Obviously, stems from some stuff in her childhood. Either way, I really, really appreciate all of your input and it really confirmed what I was already thinking.
It's funny how sometimes even though you know somethings wrong you can actually question your own beliefs and standards. Again thanks to everyone and I'm sure when the crap hit's fan over there I'm gonna get an earfull.
I really hope the best for you and your kids. And I hope that she will get the help she and the kids needs.
My prayers go out to you
Reply #56 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 3:14 PM
WeatherBound, Jafo is correct in fact. Reporting it would require them to divulge RadialFX's private info, and that would not be appropriate. We all eschew privacy violations (as in what the "P"RC does and others cooperated with). Handing over RadialFX's info would be such an action, and would most likely make WC "Lawyer Food".
I praise the members of the Forum for giving solid, appropriate advice to RadialFX.
I also praise RadialFX for accepting the advice gracefully, and implementing it correctly. His Counselor knows what to do with it, and is (as I am) legally bound to report it (assuming the laws where he is are the same as here).
It's also nice to know that he attended "The Zubaz Academy of Advanced Spelling".
Time to lighten up, and also time to assign him some Karma for his courage, grace and ability to do the right thing!
I praise the members of the Forum for giving solid, appropriate advice to RadialFX.
I also praise RadialFX for accepting the advice gracefully, and implementing it correctly. His Counselor knows what to do with it, and is (as I am) legally bound to report it (assuming the laws where he is are the same as here).
It's also nice to know that he attended "The Zubaz Academy of Advanced Spelling".
Time to lighten up, and also time to assign him some Karma for his courage, grace and ability to do the right thing!
I run a childcare.
(as I am) legally bound to report it in the state I live in.
So as I am in the childcare business and read things like this. It frustrates me. I know that Wincustomize can not report it, For Political reasons like Jafo said above. So I said it out of frustration. Did not mean too.
I praise the members of the Forum for giving solid, appropriate advice to RadialFX.
I also praise RadialFX for accepting the advice gracefully, and implementing it correctly. His Counselor knows what to do with it, and is (as I am) legally bound to report it (assuming the laws where he is are the same as here).
I also praise RadialFX for accepting the advice gracefully, and implementing it correctly. His Counselor knows what to do with it, and is (as I am) legally bound to report it (assuming the laws where he is are the same as here).
I do also.
Time to lighten up, and also time to assign him some Karma for his courage, grace and ability to do the right thing!
I gave him Karma as soon as he said This:
Well, I did report it to my counselor today and she's going to handle it from there. I ended with her last night just explaining that I wouldn't deal with the issues that I knew were on the horizon and that I thought it was just plain wrong. Don't get me wrong it wasn't easy because as luck would have it, other than these major issues, her and I got along great and had a really fun 3 yrs together.
At this point I'm just so disappointed that I never picked up on it before and I really do understand that she's in denial about it. If anyone doesn't know denial, to me it means that she really doesn't think that there's anything wrong with what is happening. I'm sure in her mind she thinks nothing of it. Obviously, stems from some stuff in her childhood. Either way, I really, really appreciate all of your input and it really confirmed what I was already thinking.
It's funny how sometimes even though you know somethings wrong you can actually question your own beliefs and standards. Again thanks to everyone and I'm sure when the crap hit's fan over there I'm gonna get an earfull.
I really hope the best for you and your kids. And I hope that she will get the help she and the kids needs.
My prayers go out to you
zakai1369
Reply #57 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 4:56 PM
I think Zu just said that Po' IS WC. What a nice compliment
Reply #57 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 4:56 PM
Apart from that being intrusive into others private business, which WC does not do,
Have you *not* seen what Po' has done to my images?
I think Zu just said that Po' IS WC. What a nice compliment
cplair
Reply #58 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 6:29 PM
Reply #58 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 6:29 PM
Sorry for being on the late freight with this, but I was absolutely horrified when I read this post!
Get away from this woman if she doesn't think that there's nothing wrong with this Radial! At 10 and 13 this is a clear cut child endangerment case and being the boyfriend, you can be implicated for lewd and lascivious behavior for not reporting this as well.
She needs to wise up, pop her titty out them boys mouths and let them grow up normal.
No disrespect but it sounds like your girl needs serious therapy.
Cp
Get away from this woman if she doesn't think that there's nothing wrong with this Radial! At 10 and 13 this is a clear cut child endangerment case and being the boyfriend, you can be implicated for lewd and lascivious behavior for not reporting this as well.
She needs to wise up, pop her titty out them boys mouths and let them grow up normal.
No disrespect but it sounds like your girl needs serious therapy.
Cp
jpmurph1
Reply #59 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 9:44 PM
Reply #59 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 9:44 PM
Fortunately for me, i didnt get beyond a few posts reading this, this is extremely disturbing, it has been time to call the cops for quite a while now. I worked for 23 years in for the department of correction in the capacity of an officer, in a maximum security psychiatric hospital for the criminally insane, so you could say i had 23 years of hands on experience, to sum it up,this situation needs to stop yesterday, these boys can still be "saved" it is not too late. I know i might sound a little extreme, but i have seen the end results of things just like this.
storm347
Reply #60 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 10:06 PM
Reply #60 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 10:06 PM
thanks radial for your courage in doing what was righti wish some one had done the same for my mom when she was a little girl but somewhere in her life time she got help she was a great mom.i wish the same for those boys .best of luck to you radial
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Reply #41 Wednesday, August 13, 2008 5:50 AM
It was suppose to be!