When Should Mom Stop
Sleeping and Showering with Boys
Tuesday, August 12, 2008 by RadialFX | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
My girlfriend and I are at odds on when should a parent start exihbiting healthy boundries to their children. She has 2 boys (10 and 13) and still showers with them and allows them to sleep with her. She's even described her oldest son's genitals as starting to look "Manly". The other day they were laughing in the background, I asked her what was so funny and she said they were laughing about rubbing soap on her ass in the shower. There's the situation. I'm concerned that if we try to take this any further I'm gonna be the "Bad Guy" that came along and took their space in the bed, shower, etc... Not to mention the kind of emotional damage it may induce. I know that the LAST thing I ever want to remember is what my mom looked like naked. I need some feedback....please. Thanks
Edit: The reason I'm asking is because she thinks I'm whacked for being critical of the situation and It's about to cause a breakup. If I'm being wierd about this then I can swallow it and go on. BUT, I'm just convinced that there are going to be some major issues if she continues to ignore the suggestions. Issues that would be tough to deal with, jealousy, rebellion, all sorts of acting out, etc...
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starkers
Reply #102 Friday, August 15, 2008 11:16 PM
Why??? Nothing has prevented you in the past....
So go on... you know you wanna.
Reply #102 Friday, August 15, 2008 11:16 PM
RadialFX being a compassionate fiend.
ZubaZ strikes again!
ZubaZ strikes again!
I will resist temptation.
Why??? Nothing has prevented you in the past....
So go on... you know you wanna.
DrJBHL
Reply #103 Wednesday, August 20, 2008 6:01 PM
Reply #103 Wednesday, August 20, 2008 6:01 PM
I promised not to bash Zubaz...I joined Z.A. (Zubaz Anonymous). Took the Oath, and there's no going back! 
DrJBHL
Reply #105 Saturday, August 30, 2008 3:22 PM
Reply #105 Saturday, August 30, 2008 3:22 PM
Wish we had some kind of update. I have been waiting patiently, but I'm concerned.
As I remember it, RadialFX's Counselor sent or gave the female in question a letter and copied DHS or wrote a separate letter to DHS.
How about it, RadFX? Are you OK? How're your sons handling all this? Please don't leave us hanging.
As I remember it, RadialFX's Counselor sent or gave the female in question a letter and copied DHS or wrote a separate letter to DHS.
How about it, RadFX? Are you OK? How're your sons handling all this? Please don't leave us hanging.
mitche323
Reply #106 Saturday, August 30, 2008 3:45 PM
Reply #106 Saturday, August 30, 2008 3:45 PM
If she sees nothing wrong with it, ask her what she would think if it was a single father still sleeping with boys that age - or a single father sleeping with daughters that age. Sometimes people can not see it till they look from the outside in. Anyway, those boys are damaged already.
WeatherBound
Reply #107 Saturday, August 30, 2008 4:51 PM
Please don't leave us hanging.
I hope every thing went Ok, and all Problems are being solved for you and your Kids.
We are with you.
Reply #107 Saturday, August 30, 2008 4:51 PM
Wish we had some kind of update. I have been waiting patiently, but I'm concerned.
As I remember it, RadialFX's Counselor sent or gave the female in question a letter and copied DHS or wrote a separate letter to DHS.
How about it, RadFX? Are you OK? How're your sons handling all this? Please don't leave us hanging
As I remember it, RadialFX's Counselor sent or gave the female in question a letter and copied DHS or wrote a separate letter to DHS.
How about it, RadFX? Are you OK? How're your sons handling all this? Please don't leave us hanging
Please don't leave us hanging.
I hope every thing went Ok, and all Problems are being solved for you and your Kids.
We are with you.
RadialFX
Reply #108 Sunday, August 31, 2008 10:34 PM
Reply #108 Sunday, August 31, 2008 10:34 PM
You know what, I apologize for the delay. I do know that she went to the appointment, however, due to privacy policies that's all the information I got. I haven't heard from her and I'm not sure if that's because she doesn't know I'm who reported it, was told not to contact me or (Highly possible) really has ill feelings towards me. Non of them really bother me though. I'm satisfied that the right thing for ALL of them was done. Not just the boys but for whatever issues she has in all of this. I really can't thank everyone here at WC for your support and advice, it is truly priceless to have this kind of community that will rally for their own. Thanks very much to all. RAD
tjesterb
Reply #109 Sunday, August 31, 2008 11:25 PM
Reply #109 Sunday, August 31, 2008 11:25 PM
Wow, Rad,
I just found and read through this thread. Good on you for taking a stand on what needed to be done for your girlfriend and her sons (not to mention your own piece of mind.)
I've been a single father myself for the last 9 years, and I've had to ditch more than one girlfriend in those years when I saw how they raised their own kids (buying booze for 13 year-olds, etc...)
If not for you, her and her boys may never have received the counseling they need. I hope it turns out well for all of you, even though it will likely take quite some time.
I just found and read through this thread. Good on you for taking a stand on what needed to be done for your girlfriend and her sons (not to mention your own piece of mind.)
I've been a single father myself for the last 9 years, and I've had to ditch more than one girlfriend in those years when I saw how they raised their own kids (buying booze for 13 year-olds, etc...)
If not for you, her and her boys may never have received the counseling they need. I hope it turns out well for all of you, even though it will likely take quite some time.
starkers
Reply #110 Monday, September 1, 2008 12:23 AM
No need to... these things can take time to unravel. The main thing is that you got the ball rolling and that it will help these boys and their mother.
That is also important... feeling confident that you did the right thing and never doubting it. To have second thoughts would not be a good thing for you emotionally and may cause you to have some self-doubt, which in this case would be unjustified. You did what was right for them, as well as yourself, and hopefully they will see this and be your friends again if nothing else.
Reply #110 Monday, September 1, 2008 12:23 AM
I apologize for the delay.
No need to... these things can take time to unravel. The main thing is that you got the ball rolling and that it will help these boys and their mother.
I'm satisfied that the right thing for ALL of them was done.
That is also important... feeling confident that you did the right thing and never doubting it. To have second thoughts would not be a good thing for you emotionally and may cause you to have some self-doubt, which in this case would be unjustified. You did what was right for them, as well as yourself, and hopefully they will see this and be your friends again if nothing else.
DrJBHL
Reply #111 Monday, September 1, 2008 8:56 AM
Yes, indeed. Well done, Rad. You acted responsibly.
Well, when she gets her head screwed on right, that might change; still I wouldn't hasten to renew a relationship with her. When those kind of boundaries are crossed, Fort Knox doesn't have enough in it to straighten things out. You'd end up spending a fortune on therapy that might not work. Put it away for your own kids and be thankful they didn't have a "mother" with such severe self-esteem issues (and Personality Disorder) to screw them up forever.
I'm sure many here are proud of you, as well you should be of yourself.
Doc
Reply #111 Monday, September 1, 2008 8:56 AM
I'm satisfied that the right thing for ALL of them was done.
Yes, indeed. Well done, Rad. You acted responsibly.
(Highly possible) really has ill feelings towards me
Well, when she gets her head screwed on right, that might change; still I wouldn't hasten to renew a relationship with her. When those kind of boundaries are crossed, Fort Knox doesn't have enough in it to straighten things out. You'd end up spending a fortune on therapy that might not work. Put it away for your own kids and be thankful they didn't have a "mother" with such severe self-esteem issues (and Personality Disorder) to screw them up forever.
I'm sure many here are proud of you, as well you should be of yourself.
Doc
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Reply #101 Friday, August 15, 2008 1:27 PM