The alien says that listening to music in a dark
environment makes it sound louder.

Ah, so that's why all the windows are blacked out at his place

Could do to turn down the bass a little

It's shaking some of the roof tiles loose.

There's your UFO explanation. Flying roof tiles from the alien's abode. Told them to stash their anti-grav units someplace else but do they listen ... nooooo.

The Alien denies any knowledge of anti-grav devices.  He says that while the US Gov't may possess something along those lines, perhaps, he is adamant that neither he or other non-terrestrials are responsible for any such technology getting into the hands of humans... and certainly not into the hands of politicians he believes would not behave responsibly with it.

Apparently he saw people on a similar planet use anti-gravity to steal dozen upon dozens of oil tankers during a world-wide oil crisis.

Therefore, anti-gravity does NOT exist.

Yeah yeah and the moon isn't made of green cheese. Its Limburger or some such.

Would lactose intolerant people avoid going to the moon if it were made of green cheese... or would they just take an anti-histamine first?

Come to think of it, which I do, are aliens lactose intolerant?

The reason I ask is because our satellites haven't seen any evidence of alien bases on the moon... and surely that'd be the logical place to have a forward attack platform if they plan to invade Earth?

Another thing I sometimes think about, if I were to get abducted, is whether they have qualified proctologists to do the anal probes, or whether it's some sadistic alien who has B&D tendencies???

Are the aliens anal?

Do they practice safe insertion?

Do they wear protective gear?

Do they give you lollipops when they're done?

I've often asked this, and I've never gotten a clear cut answer, other than the hint that some of them may have a curiosity with that portion of the anatomy because theirs is located underneath their armpit.  It was also suggested that some of them were latent homosexuals, but evidence was never forthcoming to support this theory/claim.

Of Course, who do you think introduced rubber gloves and lubricants to proctology?

Again, where do you think condoms come from?

Um, how do I explain this without frightening or disappointing a heap of people?

Let's just say that it doesn't come on a stick and you don't lick it.

Eewwwww!!!     TMI!      Visions of starkers with lollipops ^^^^^ Nightmare central.

That's something you'll never have to worry about... because the alien says lollipops are for woosies.

Me, I'm the 'bite it off the stick and chomp right into it' kind of bloke... licking and sucking is waaay too dainty for me.

Then I guess blow-pops are off the menu.

Sure are!

As are blow-up dolls.

Even though she has a foot pump, mrs starkers said she is sick and tired of blowing them up for me.

Ouch?   Sounds like you havin a good T bone hot of the Barby.  But, that's so far away for me...

It just blew in a storm yesturday. 1+celcius, Snow up to our windows in some places. Crikey!

Yeah, we had a barby last night, actually... steak, sausages and lamb chops, etc.

Then this morning my son fired it up again for breakfast... but the alien wanted to sleep in so he missed out on a bbq brekky.

No doubt he'll show his grey-looking face and weird antennae when we next have shrimp.... he likes seafood.

Probably on a see-food diet. All the food he sees he eats. Har har har.

The alien advises that we humans should prepare for falling space junk....

.... apart from the crap we put up there, he tells me there's also an abandoned  alien theme park park along the lines of Disneyland up there as well.

The alien says he cannot participate on TTD... apparently his brother is married to one [a troll, that is] and it wouldn't go down too well.

An impossible unimaginable unknown wrapped in a mystery
inside a riddle at the center of an enigma hidden
underground somewhere in area M.42.

Kirk: Is he dying?
Mr. Spock: No. Fighting the force field has temporarily
drained his strength. He can be handled now.

But in a few moments the strange glow returns,and now
it is even brighter and more penetrating!

Gary Mitchell: You'll regret this...
I'll just keep getting stronger. You know
that, don't you? I'll just keep getting stronger!

Fast forward a few minutes.

Kirk to Enterprise.
Mitchell and Dehner are dead...
Beam me up.

You got it too.

Iben's been brain-scrubbed.