Why do some people have to be difficult?
Sunday, June 6, 2004 by Fuzzy Logic | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
For the last twelve years I've been going in my local pub every Friday for a game of cards and a few beers. It's a nice group and we have a great night. About six months ago, someone new joined us, herein referred to as 'D' - no problem, all are welcome. But he has PC problems, basic ones. A while back I went and sorted his PC for him, which I don't mind doing for anyone. However, he has yet more PC problems, and now believes I am his own personal PC World 
Three weeks ago he asked me to spend Saturday morning fixing his PC - I said no. He got really angry and said this isn't what friends are for, now we know where we stand etc etc. We've not spoken since then. Some of the others have expressed their concern about his behaviour. I've said, not to worry and to forget about it. It's not worth the trouble.
Last Friday 'D' invited a couple of friends, and ordered a full spread of food, sandwiches etc for everyone. However, he said the food was for everyone except me...! No problem, I wouldn't touch it anyway.
Then, to my surprise, not one of our group touched the food. In fact, one of my friends got up and told 'D' to his face that if one of his friends was excluded, then he was excluded too, and that he could keep the food. This guy 'D' was then left with a dozen trays of food, and no-one to eat it!
I didn't ask for any of this. I prefer to stay out of the way, mind my own business and not get involved in any aggro. But somehow it has been thrust upon me.
It was a great feeling to find out everyone was behind me. I won't forget that - that's what real friends do. I think this 'D' needs to learn something about friends, because he appears to have none right now
.
I now have until next Friday to decide what to do. 'D' needs to be sorted. The last few weeks you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. I'm not putting up with him upsetting everyone like this. It's not in my nature to seek confrontation, but I'm afraid for everyone's sake, I'm going to have to do what's necessary.
Suggestions of a non-violent nature welcome
Three weeks ago he asked me to spend Saturday morning fixing his PC - I said no. He got really angry and said this isn't what friends are for, now we know where we stand etc etc. We've not spoken since then. Some of the others have expressed their concern about his behaviour. I've said, not to worry and to forget about it. It's not worth the trouble.Last Friday 'D' invited a couple of friends, and ordered a full spread of food, sandwiches etc for everyone. However, he said the food was for everyone except me...! No problem, I wouldn't touch it anyway.
Then, to my surprise, not one of our group touched the food. In fact, one of my friends got up and told 'D' to his face that if one of his friends was excluded, then he was excluded too, and that he could keep the food. This guy 'D' was then left with a dozen trays of food, and no-one to eat it!
I didn't ask for any of this. I prefer to stay out of the way, mind my own business and not get involved in any aggro. But somehow it has been thrust upon me.
It was a great feeling to find out everyone was behind me. I won't forget that - that's what real friends do. I think this 'D' needs to learn something about friends, because he appears to have none right now
. I now have until next Friday to decide what to do. 'D' needs to be sorted. The last few weeks you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. I'm not putting up with him upsetting everyone like this. It's not in my nature to seek confrontation, but I'm afraid for everyone's sake, I'm going to have to do what's necessary.
Suggestions of a non-violent nature welcome
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Jafo
Reply #2 Sunday, June 6, 2004 8:53 AM
Reply #2 Sunday, June 6, 2004 8:53 AM
Ruling out homicide.....then you'll need to 'convince' him that the repairing of the PC, etc should be seen as a kindness on your part and that he has no rights to presume upon the 'friendship'.
Quote the phrase 'looking a gift horse in the mouth' perhaps.
Failing that....homicide works wonders...
GhoS
Reply #4 Sunday, June 6, 2004 9:15 AM
Reply #4 Sunday, June 6, 2004 9:15 AM
That guy clearly is confused about what friendship means. It seems to me that you have to try and distance yourself from this person. Its a situation unlikely to change.
tjesterb
Reply #5 Sunday, June 6, 2004 9:23 AM
Reply #5 Sunday, June 6, 2004 9:23 AM
Agree with #4 This guy sounds pretty vengeful to have pulled such a stunt aver such a simple thing as not being his personal IT guy. Even if you make peace for now I suspect his nature will surface again and you'll be in the same boat again. It's great you've got a bunch of friends who'll stand by you like that.
Alternate Setting
Reply #6 Sunday, June 6, 2004 10:13 AM
Reply #6 Sunday, June 6, 2004 10:13 AM
Hi Fuzzy - once read a golden rule about never getting down to the level of an idiot - because once you do your on there homeground, plus they've got the advantage of experience on their side 
. In short - just live your life, do what you'd normally do and don't get into any mind set that involves 'teaching' him anything. Hope it pans out ok 
. In short - just live your life, do what you'd normally do and don't get into any mind set that involves 'teaching' him anything. Hope it pans out ok 
NightTrainthedark
Reply #7 Sunday, June 6, 2004 10:24 AM
Reply #7 Sunday, June 6, 2004 10:24 AM
There are 3 sides to every story. Yours, Mine , and the Truth. You must choose your battles. Have you looked at the whole situation from his perspective unbiasedly? Has he done (Given) anything for you to show his friendship or does he just "Take". Does he just try to buy everyone's friendship and then expect people to do things for him in return? That is the only way that some people know how to show friendship.
Sounds like your group is very tight. Assuming you are in the right, you should just try to talk to him, kiss, and make up. His response will tell you everything you need to know. If he is a friend, it should be cleared up in a snap. If he wants to continue the pissing match then he was never your friend from the beginning. Savour the friendship you have with the other guy's in the group and don't let your relationship with them get sloppy in relation. Your friends backing you up should take care of him unless he holds it all against you.
Sounds like your group is very tight. Assuming you are in the right, you should just try to talk to him, kiss, and make up. His response will tell you everything you need to know. If he is a friend, it should be cleared up in a snap. If he wants to continue the pissing match then he was never your friend from the beginning. Savour the friendship you have with the other guy's in the group and don't let your relationship with them get sloppy in relation. Your friends backing you up should take care of him unless he holds it all against you.
KarmaGirl
Reply #8 Sunday, June 6, 2004 10:28 AM
Reply #8 Sunday, June 6, 2004 10:28 AM
Just tell him that helping him the first time was free, but if he needs more help, he'll have to pay for it. (Dress like a pimp cocaine dealer for the occasion).
This is why you should never help people with their computers
Keila
Reply #9 Sunday, June 6, 2004 10:31 AM
Reply #9 Sunday, June 6, 2004 10:31 AM
Given you friends reaction to D leaving you out of something "the food" it sounds like this guy does not belong in your group of friends to begin with. It seems that you have a close knit group, why have a spoiler included at all.
Hopefully he will get the hint "it did hit him right upside the head" that trying to come between anyone in your group will not work. Thus, decide on his own that he really should not be a part of of this particular group.
Hopefully he will get the hint "it did hit him right upside the head" that trying to come between anyone in your group will not work. Thus, decide on his own that he really should not be a part of of this particular group.
I.R. Brainiac
Reply #10 Sunday, June 6, 2004 11:01 AM
Reply #10 Sunday, June 6, 2004 11:01 AM
Tell him you think he is very attractive and he has hurt your feelings terribly...that might get him to go away...then again you might have a new problem.
yrag
Reply #13 Sunday, June 6, 2004 11:19 AM
I like you more and more everyday, Angie
Fuzzy, there are people like this everywhere and frankly, there is no good way to 'handle' them. While I prefer getting ugly with them, in the final analysis, he isn't going to change and you'll get upset (although, there is a certain amount of self gratification involved). Usually, they're quite shallow and if you tell this obvious ingrate that your initial help was complimentary and you have your own life (and that he should get his own), I believe he will disappear as quickly as he appeared.
If logic fails (and it probably will) then Jafo's advice is excellent:
"Failing that....homicide works wonders"
Reply #13 Sunday, June 6, 2004 11:19 AM
| (Dress like a pimp cocaine dealer for the occasion). |
I like you more and more everyday, Angie
Fuzzy, there are people like this everywhere and frankly, there is no good way to 'handle' them. While I prefer getting ugly with them, in the final analysis, he isn't going to change and you'll get upset (although, there is a certain amount of self gratification involved). Usually, they're quite shallow and if you tell this obvious ingrate that your initial help was complimentary and you have your own life (and that he should get his own), I believe he will disappear as quickly as he appeared.
If logic fails (and it probably will) then Jafo's advice is excellent:
"Failing that....homicide works wonders"
yrag
Reply #14 Sunday, June 6, 2004 11:23 AM
BTW Brainy...it appears you were out on the streets waayyyyyyyyyyyy toooooooo long
Reply #14 Sunday, June 6, 2004 11:23 AM
| #10 by I.R. Brainiac - 6/6/2004 11:01:57 AM Tell him you think he is very attractive and he has hurt your feelings terribly... |
BTW Brainy...it appears you were out on the streets waayyyyyyyyyyyy toooooooo long
Koasati
Reply #15 Sunday, June 6, 2004 11:26 AM
Reply #15 Sunday, June 6, 2004 11:26 AM
Yep.... I was just thinking along the same lines as Gary. Tell him you helped with his computer once, but you didn't "take him to raise"
Fuzzy Logic
Reply #16 Sunday, June 6, 2004 11:33 AM
Reply #16 Sunday, June 6, 2004 11:33 AM
I'm hoping he did get the message. After the food incident he didn't return to the card tables, but then he did have a lot of food to eat Quite a few have said they hope he doesn't come again. There have been other 'incidents', but not with me.
If it was just me, I'd let it go. But now everyone's getting upset
He's spoiling a good night out. So he has two choices: He stays, behaves, and treats everyone with curtesy and respect. Or he leaves. I don't want to make a decision for the whole group, but if he backs me into a corner it's going to be the latter.
The homicide option is also appealing
Quite a few have said they hope he doesn't come again. There have been other 'incidents', but not with me. If it was just me, I'd let it go. But now everyone's getting upset
He's spoiling a good night out. So he has two choices: He stays, behaves, and treats everyone with curtesy and respect. Or he leaves. I don't want to make a decision for the whole group, but if he backs me into a corner it's going to be the latter.The homicide option is also appealing
NightTrainthedark
Reply #17 Sunday, June 6, 2004 2:15 PM
Reply #17 Sunday, June 6, 2004 2:15 PM
Or, help him with his pc problem and install a subliminal pop up message telling him to be a kinder person.
tjesterb
Reply #18 Sunday, June 6, 2004 2:26 PM
Reply #18 Sunday, June 6, 2004 2:26 PM
...or install remote administrator and have no end of fun!
Leo the Lion
Reply #19 Sunday, June 6, 2004 2:31 PM
Reply #19 Sunday, June 6, 2004 2:31 PM
Fuzzy, have you discussed a solution with the rest of the group?
I think you guys need to leave your handbags at home - sorry Fuzzy, only joking - seriously though, you obviously are a sensitive and considerate sort of guy (which are values which are sadly lacking in todays society)and a chat with the group to find a group solution where he will feel comfortable again and not alienated but he knows where he stands when it comes to taking the piss out of his mates is a good way forward
I think you guys need to leave your handbags at home - sorry Fuzzy, only joking - seriously though, you obviously are a sensitive and considerate sort of guy (which are values which are sadly lacking in todays society)and a chat with the group to find a group solution where he will feel comfortable again and not alienated but he knows where he stands when it comes to taking the piss out of his mates is a good way forward
crofttk
Reply #20 Sunday, June 6, 2004 2:32 PM
Reply #20 Sunday, June 6, 2004 2:32 PM
Only thing I'd add here is that this person may be an itinerate social outcast who's just now stumbled across your group. For some reason I can't articulate well, I have a suspicion he moves around from group to group, trying to fit in, and his little "social pathology" ultimately results in him having to move on again.
I guess my sense of appropriate action here would be to recognize his attempted manipulation and hijacking of a pre-established social group for what they are and "Just say NO !" in whatever way he seems to recognize best. Eventually, he'll realize the futility and move on to find another prospect.
That's my take, but not all that different from other folks that already responded.
I guess my sense of appropriate action here would be to recognize his attempted manipulation and hijacking of a pre-established social group for what they are and "Just say NO !" in whatever way he seems to recognize best. Eventually, he'll realize the futility and move on to find another prospect.
That's my take, but not all that different from other folks that already responded.
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Reply #1 Sunday, June 6, 2004 8:52 AM
Not sure if this helps.