Why do some people have to be difficult?
Sunday, June 6, 2004 by Fuzzy Logic | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
For the last twelve years I've been going in my local pub every Friday for a game of cards and a few beers. It's a nice group and we have a great night. About six months ago, someone new joined us, herein referred to as 'D' - no problem, all are welcome. But he has PC problems, basic ones. A while back I went and sorted his PC for him, which I don't mind doing for anyone. However, he has yet more PC problems, and now believes I am his own personal PC World 
Three weeks ago he asked me to spend Saturday morning fixing his PC - I said no. He got really angry and said this isn't what friends are for, now we know where we stand etc etc. We've not spoken since then. Some of the others have expressed their concern about his behaviour. I've said, not to worry and to forget about it. It's not worth the trouble.
Last Friday 'D' invited a couple of friends, and ordered a full spread of food, sandwiches etc for everyone. However, he said the food was for everyone except me...! No problem, I wouldn't touch it anyway.
Then, to my surprise, not one of our group touched the food. In fact, one of my friends got up and told 'D' to his face that if one of his friends was excluded, then he was excluded too, and that he could keep the food. This guy 'D' was then left with a dozen trays of food, and no-one to eat it!
I didn't ask for any of this. I prefer to stay out of the way, mind my own business and not get involved in any aggro. But somehow it has been thrust upon me.
It was a great feeling to find out everyone was behind me. I won't forget that - that's what real friends do. I think this 'D' needs to learn something about friends, because he appears to have none right now
.
I now have until next Friday to decide what to do. 'D' needs to be sorted. The last few weeks you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. I'm not putting up with him upsetting everyone like this. It's not in my nature to seek confrontation, but I'm afraid for everyone's sake, I'm going to have to do what's necessary.
Suggestions of a non-violent nature welcome
Three weeks ago he asked me to spend Saturday morning fixing his PC - I said no. He got really angry and said this isn't what friends are for, now we know where we stand etc etc. We've not spoken since then. Some of the others have expressed their concern about his behaviour. I've said, not to worry and to forget about it. It's not worth the trouble.Last Friday 'D' invited a couple of friends, and ordered a full spread of food, sandwiches etc for everyone. However, he said the food was for everyone except me...! No problem, I wouldn't touch it anyway.
Then, to my surprise, not one of our group touched the food. In fact, one of my friends got up and told 'D' to his face that if one of his friends was excluded, then he was excluded too, and that he could keep the food. This guy 'D' was then left with a dozen trays of food, and no-one to eat it!
I didn't ask for any of this. I prefer to stay out of the way, mind my own business and not get involved in any aggro. But somehow it has been thrust upon me.
It was a great feeling to find out everyone was behind me. I won't forget that - that's what real friends do. I think this 'D' needs to learn something about friends, because he appears to have none right now
. I now have until next Friday to decide what to do. 'D' needs to be sorted. The last few weeks you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. I'm not putting up with him upsetting everyone like this. It's not in my nature to seek confrontation, but I'm afraid for everyone's sake, I'm going to have to do what's necessary.
Suggestions of a non-violent nature welcome
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bordfryr
Reply #22 Sunday, June 6, 2004 4:50 PM
I don't think you should have to alter your lifestyle because of someone elses attitude.
Reply #22 Sunday, June 6, 2004 4:50 PM
| Perhaps your group could find a different place to meet on Fridays |
I don't think you should have to alter your lifestyle because of someone elses attitude.
Ande
Reply #23 Sunday, June 6, 2004 6:00 PM
Reply #23 Sunday, June 6, 2004 6:00 PM
Fuzzy this is NOT the way I would handle the situation. But, get your group and go to another local for ONE friday night without telling him of course. The next friday go to your own local and if he sits down at the table arise en mass and move to another table. If he follows ignore him completly. It may be difficult to get another table (Friday night at the local) if so, stand in a group somewhere else.
Non-confrontational, and he should get the message. My way, at that food incident, I would have been shoving those tasty morsels up and down his orifices until he said he wasn't hungry any more. Best of luck
Non-confrontational, and he should get the message. My way, at that food incident, I would have been shoving those tasty morsels up and down his orifices until he said he wasn't hungry any more. Best of luck
Styl-X Design
Reply #24 Sunday, June 6, 2004 6:12 PM
Reply #24 Sunday, June 6, 2004 6:12 PM
I don't see myself as someone who is looking for problems. I am always trying to stay out of them at anytime and avoid them.
Last friday night something simular happened.
I was out with some friends and ran into someone familair. I knew the guy from years ago but as he was a friend of the people in the bar, and said me hello, I kindly said hello back and I left my group of friends for a few minutes to chat up with him.
After a couple of minutes I returned to my group of friends and continued the conversation we were in. later the evening he asked if he could join us so I introduced him to the people that didn't knew him and we had quite a good time.
One friend of mine occasionally drinks a bit too much. This is no problem as we always bring him save home and we have a good reason not to drink too much ourself. He is really a funny guy and you can always laugh with him.
This night too he had a few beers too many and totaly by accident he spilled some beer over the table, hitting the guy who joined us.
He stood up and shaked my hand and left to the bar.
When we were about to leave this pub he called me. I joined him for a couple of seconds at the bar and I found out he was REALLY angry about my friend spilling beer over him.
I told him it was by accident but he just couldn't let it go.
As we left the pub he came along with us and told me he wanted the guy to appologize.
I asked the guy who spoiled the beer to appologize, just to stay out of trouble.
He kindly appologized but this guy just kept telling how mad he was about it etc etc. He just couldn't accept it.
I was out with quite a few people. Some of them are 'quite large' (former football players )
The guy who was quite clearly out for a fight just kept whining and pushed my friend.
We all understood this was going to get out of control. the other people of the group kept them appart and I left with my friend so I could bring him home.
The next evening we returned to the bar (We had some things to celebrate this weekend ).
As some of you may already have figured, the same guy was in the bar.
My friend walked towards him, shaked his hand, gave him a beer and said "sorry about yesterday mate".
Without waiting his responce he left and rejoined us.
Didn't hear anything about it all night lang.
Last friday night something simular happened.
I was out with some friends and ran into someone familair. I knew the guy from years ago but as he was a friend of the people in the bar, and said me hello, I kindly said hello back and I left my group of friends for a few minutes to chat up with him.
After a couple of minutes I returned to my group of friends and continued the conversation we were in. later the evening he asked if he could join us so I introduced him to the people that didn't knew him and we had quite a good time.
One friend of mine occasionally drinks a bit too much. This is no problem as we always bring him save home and we have a good reason not to drink too much ourself. He is really a funny guy and you can always laugh with him.
This night too he had a few beers too many and totaly by accident he spilled some beer over the table, hitting the guy who joined us.
He stood up and shaked my hand and left to the bar.
When we were about to leave this pub he called me. I joined him for a couple of seconds at the bar and I found out he was REALLY angry about my friend spilling beer over him.
I told him it was by accident but he just couldn't let it go.
As we left the pub he came along with us and told me he wanted the guy to appologize.
I asked the guy who spoiled the beer to appologize, just to stay out of trouble.
He kindly appologized but this guy just kept telling how mad he was about it etc etc. He just couldn't accept it.
I was out with quite a few people. Some of them are 'quite large' (former football players
)The guy who was quite clearly out for a fight just kept whining and pushed my friend.
We all understood this was going to get out of control. the other people of the group kept them appart and I left with my friend so I could bring him home.
The next evening we returned to the bar (We had some things to celebrate this weekend
).As some of you may already have figured, the same guy was in the bar.
My friend walked towards him, shaked his hand, gave him a beer and said "sorry about yesterday mate".
Without waiting his responce he left and rejoined us.
Didn't hear anything about it all night lang.
Satans Child
Reply #25 Monday, June 7, 2004 1:51 AM
Reply #25 Monday, June 7, 2004 1:51 AM
I think this D is more trouble than you actually know. I would tell him that his company and friendship are not wanted and that he needs to just move on. If he acts the way he did just because you didn't want to be his personal support center then theres alot more in store for you and your friends in the future.
ToeJo
Reply #26 Monday, June 7, 2004 2:11 AM
Truer words hath never been spoken. It is so aggrevating when people take thier PC's too seriously. It's not like you turned down a date with his sister or something.
Hey...wait a minute...maybe that's the answer...find his sister and start dating her and turn her against her mono minded brother!
Better still...do you know his mom?
Reply #26 Monday, June 7, 2004 2:11 AM
| This is why you should never help people with their computers |
Truer words hath never been spoken. It is so aggrevating when people take thier PC's too seriously. It's not like you turned down a date with his sister or something.
Hey...wait a minute...maybe that's the answer...find his sister and start dating her and turn her against her mono minded brother!
Better still...do you know his mom?
SelfExiled
Reply #27 Monday, June 7, 2004 2:22 AM
Reply #27 Monday, June 7, 2004 2:22 AM
I just wouldn't let the guy single you out for his frustrations. I have a girl friend who was exactly the same way. She got real angry and even stopped talking to me for awhile, because I wouldn't come over and spend another whole day sorting out her PC problems. Luckily for her, I wrote everything down and she eventually sorted it out herself. When she calmed down, she called me because she had questions about the notes I wrote for her on notepad. Then, she realized that I had a life too (somewhat), and now everything is fine.
I think he made a big mistake in trying to single you out. Luckily, my problem was a female and getting physical was no option. But, with guys, and drinking, it can get ugly. But, I would not let anything physical start over a PC problem. That is too silly. No matter how much he drinks, he can't start anything if you don't answer.
I would just tell him that the first time was free because you did consider him a friend. But, if he needs you to spend another whole day, he needs to take out his wallet. Or, give him your email address if he has minor issues. Once that is said, he has his options. Further discussion about your level of friendship is nothing more than someone trying to start trouble out of their frustrations, and I just wouldn't answer. Good luck.
I think he made a big mistake in trying to single you out. Luckily, my problem was a female and getting physical was no option. But, with guys, and drinking, it can get ugly. But, I would not let anything physical start over a PC problem. That is too silly. No matter how much he drinks, he can't start anything if you don't answer.
I would just tell him that the first time was free because you did consider him a friend. But, if he needs you to spend another whole day, he needs to take out his wallet. Or, give him your email address if he has minor issues. Once that is said, he has his options. Further discussion about your level of friendship is nothing more than someone trying to start trouble out of their frustrations, and I just wouldn't answer. Good luck.
I.R. Brainiac
Reply #28 Monday, June 7, 2004 2:43 AM
Reply #28 Monday, June 7, 2004 2:43 AM
Fuzzy My address is Billionaire Blvd,Microsoft City,care of Bill Gates.Phone # BR549 Leave a message with Junior Samples.
[Message Edited]
Leave a message with Junior Samples.
[Message Edited]
SelfExiled
Reply #29 Monday, June 7, 2004 2:45 AM
I definitely wouldn't do this myself. This is inviting him to personal confrontation and you are singling yourself out as the object of all his personal or PC frustrations. Wisdom and knowledge are the key for me in such situations. Being wise not to go to jail with the knowledge that you could kill. I personally studied the art of self defense not the art of provocation. No offense to Satans Child intended, just my opinion.
Reply #29 Monday, June 7, 2004 2:45 AM
| I would tell him that his company and friendship are not wanted and that he needs to just move on. |
I definitely wouldn't do this myself. This is inviting him to personal confrontation and you are singling yourself out as the object of all his personal or PC frustrations. Wisdom and knowledge are the key for me in such situations. Being wise not to go to jail with the knowledge that you could kill. I personally studied the art of self defense not the art of provocation. No offense to Satans Child intended, just my opinion.
craeonics
Reply #30 Monday, June 7, 2004 3:45 AM
Reply #30 Monday, June 7, 2004 3:45 AM
It owuld appear that the situation has already been dealt with. The "getting angry over not fixing his machine"-thing started it. The food incident was the confrontation.
The conclusion any sane person would derive from it, is that your friends stand behind you and his petty divide and conquer tactics are backfiring on him. Case closed.
Ofcourse, if he's that socially inept not to notice this, homicide's always an option.
The conclusion any sane person would derive from it, is that your friends stand behind you and his petty divide and conquer tactics are backfiring on him. Case closed.
Ofcourse, if he's that socially inept not to notice this, homicide's always an option.
goodmorphing
Reply #31 Monday, June 7, 2004 3:53 AM
Reply #31 Monday, June 7, 2004 3:53 AM
Tell him you belong to the Skilled Barterer's Union, and that you will be expecting your work from him this Friday! Prolly never see the guy again.... 
WebGizmos
Reply #32 Monday, June 7, 2004 5:32 AM
Reply #32 Monday, June 7, 2004 5:32 AM
I'd simply tell the guy to call the 800 number that provides help for his PC and let them deal with him. You don't owe this guy anything and you need to remind him the difference between friends and aquaintances. If all else fails...listen to Jafo.
CerebroJD
Reply #33 Monday, June 7, 2004 3:28 PM
Reply #33 Monday, June 7, 2004 3:28 PM
Just tell him you are experiencing amnesia, and cannot remember a) who he is, and 
how to fix computers.
how to fix computers.
Fuzzy Logic
Reply #34 Monday, June 7, 2004 3:52 PM
Reply #34 Monday, June 7, 2004 3:52 PM
He wasn't grateful the first time I fixed it. I had to clear out several old ISPs, set up a new one, reconfigure his mail settings, edit the registry, clear out years of junk etc etc. Spent about three hours getting the whole rig running as smooth as possible! The following week he announced that he'd like to go back to his old ISP and would I do it for him...grrr.
As for his current problem - I've already explained what to do. I thought that was enough! Apparently not...
Essencay
Reply #36 Monday, June 7, 2004 7:16 PM
Reply #36 Monday, June 7, 2004 7:16 PM
Thinking about the shotgun idea....forgot about the little rule you guys have about guns.....so I'd just get a large blunt object and bludgeon him
Stockholm Syndrome
Reply #37 Monday, June 7, 2004 10:08 PM
I don't really have any advice but I definitely sympathize. I'm "the computer person" among my friends and while I don't mind for the most part, it can get old with an inconsiderate "friend". In fact this is the main reason I stopped building custom PCs for friends/family.I got fed up with crap like 1AM phone calls because AOL wasn't working. (I am not kidding either.) Would you ask your doctor over for some free weekend surgery?
Anyway good luck, I hope you get things sorted. That is heartwarming that your other friends supported you about the food thing.
Reply #37 Monday, June 7, 2004 10:08 PM
| A while back I went and sorted his PC for him, which I don't mind doing for anyone. However, he has yet more PC problems, and now believes I am his own personal PC World Three weeks ago he asked me to spend Saturday morning fixing his PC - I said no. |
I don't really have any advice but I definitely sympathize.
I'm "the computer person" among my friends and while I don't mind for the most part, it can get old with an inconsiderate "friend". In fact this is the main reason I stopped building custom PCs for friends/family.I got fed up with crap like 1AM phone calls because AOL wasn't working. (I am not kidding either.) Would you ask your doctor over for some free weekend surgery? Anyway good luck, I hope you get things sorted. That is heartwarming that your other friends supported you about the food thing.
yrag
Reply #38 Monday, June 7, 2004 10:11 PM
Reply #38 Monday, June 7, 2004 10:11 PM
Well, there you have it Fuzzy....it's unanimous.......
Kill the SOB
Kill the SOB
yrag
Reply #39 Monday, June 7, 2004 10:14 PM
Reply #39 Monday, June 7, 2004 10:14 PM
Although, Essencay may be right...
.....while the result is the same, ''''bludgeon'''' sounds more humane
[Message Edited]
.....while the result is the same, ''''bludgeon'''' sounds more humane
[Message Edited]
IPlural
Reply #40 Monday, June 7, 2004 10:36 PM
Reply #40 Monday, June 7, 2004 10:36 PM
I won't even attempt it anymore...
kinda pointless in the end...
kinda pointless in the end...
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Reply #21 Sunday, June 6, 2004 3:45 PM
Really, what WOM said is good advice....life is way too short to end up upset! It only hurts you in the end and then the problem has won. Doctors are finding that most all of the major health problems have their beginning in extreme stress, anger, unforgivness, etc. Why let one person destroy a good thing?
Blessings to you Fuzzy. (...whenever I see you name on here reminds me off a little poem I learned in my "salad days"! "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear...."