Found a good joke
Saturday, March 9, 2019 by mrs_starkers1 | Discussion: Personal Computing
Hi ya all its me shaunna aka mrs_starkers , long time no see
A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. the wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband’s costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice looking woman he could.
His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his present partner high and dry and devoted his time to the attractive new lady. She, enjoying the charade, letting him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went into the back garden and made passionate love.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home. she put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.
“Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not with me.”
Then she asked,” Did you dance much?”
He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill and some more mates, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.”
“You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!” she said with unashamed sarcasm and brewing outrage.
To which the husband replied, “Actually, I gave my costume to my brother, and apparently he had the time of his life.”
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Reply #42 Tuesday, October 20, 2020 12:33 PM
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.
Reply #43 Tuesday, October 20, 2020 5:07 PM
And God was talking to an angel and said that he would create humans and have them multiply. The angel asked how they would do that and God explain the birthing method. The angel said: WOW, that is really going to be painful, how will you make it equal, so that man will experience the same amount of pain. God replied; I WILL GIVE THEM AN EGO.................that should be equal pain.
And then; there were two woman in the maternity ward of the hospital. A veteran of 5 children, and a new mother, this being a first time. The new mother to be, explained that she was scared because she really didn't know how painful it was going to be. The veteran mother told her to take her bottom lip and pull it out as far as she could. The new mother said; well, that isn't too bad. The veteran mother then said............aaaaaaaaaw, but now, stretch it over your head.
Reply #45 Wednesday, October 21, 2020 9:04 PM
for this years christmas i decided to go all out
for my son i got an Ipad
for my daughter i got an Iphone
thinking i was on a roll,
for my wife i got an Iron
and thats when the fight started....
Reply #46 Sunday, January 10, 2021 2:41 PM
Captain of the pirate ship walks out onto the deck one morning and yells out
Where's my buccaneers.
To which the crew reply
On your buccan head.
Reply #47 Sunday, January 10, 2021 4:18 PM
Why did the golfer wear 2 pair of strides?
In case he got s hole in one!
Reply #48 Sunday, January 10, 2021 5:18 PM
Confucius say:
Woman who fly plane upside down bound to have crack up.
Confucius also say:
Man with hole on pocket feels cocky all day.
Confucius say:
Many Chinese people don't have telephone because there are so many Wings and Wongs they might Wing the Wong number.
ROF LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
You a fool Starkers!
BTW: You too Aussie007
Reply #49 Friday, January 29, 2021 11:51 PM
Man is sorting out his will and estate with his lawyer.
After he finishes dispersing his funds there is $200 left.
His lawyer asks him what he wants to do with it.
After thinking for a while the man says that after his funeral service they should stop at the pub on the way to the cemetery. His lawyer says should we spend $100 on the way out and $100 on the way back.
the man says no. Spend $150 on the way out and $50 on the way back. The lawyer asks him why and he says because I won't be with them on the way back!
Reply #50 Saturday, January 30, 2021 2:35 PM
Three nuns die suddenly and are at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter tells them that each has to answer a question as a matter of parodical to get past the golden gates. He asks the first nun; "What are the first words in the Gospel?" She replies: "that's an easy on, "In the beginning". A bell rings ding-a-ling, and the gates open. He asks the second nun; "How many commandments are there?" She repliess; "OH, that's an easy one, 10". The bell rings ding-a-ling, and the gates open. He asks the third nun; "What is the first thing Eve said to Adam after being cast out of the Garden of Eden?" She replies; "OH MY, that's a hard one".........and the bells ring ding-a-ling, and the gates open.
Reply #51 Sunday, February 7, 2021 6:40 PM
If we all lived on Mars, we would all be racing to get to Earth.
Reply #53 Tuesday, March 16, 2021 8:50 PM
Thanks for the great cackle, Aussie007, I read the first joke and went on to near piss myself laughing at several others. I particularly love the one about the prosecution lawyer asking an old lady if she knew him, then the defense lawyer.... and what the judge said to them both. Hilarious!
Reply #56 Saturday, May 1, 2021 6:05 PM
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their BUTT QUACKS!
Reply #57 Sunday, May 9, 2021 8:43 PM
Here is a imaginary representation of a bit coin.
How much memory space does the entire bit coin block chain take up?
Reply #60 Wednesday, May 19, 2021 9:48 PM
I am designing a new product.
I call it "My Piss Pot".
You can soak your feet in it if they are sore, use it as a fire extinguisher
and cook in it.
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Reply #41 Sunday, October 18, 2020 12:35 PM
Speaking of alligators, a young alligator and an older one were discussing food and how to grow, put on weight. The young alligator asked how come the older alligator had become so large. The older alligator said that he attributed his large size and weight to eating a member of the Trump family.
The younger alligator took that on board and went off to find Donald Trump as his first 'growth meal'. A few days later the pair were discussing the matter again and the younger one asked what he'd done wrong as he hadn't put on an ounce or grown an inch. The older alligator asked how he prepared and ate his meal. The younger alligator said: "Well I caught him, shook the shit out of him, then ate him".
The older alligator said: "Well that's it. Once you shook the shit out of him all you were left with was an asshole and a funny looking wig."