Found a good joke

Saturday, March 9, 2019 by mrs_starkers1 | Discussion: Personal Computing

Hi ya all its me shaunna aka mrs_starkers , long time no see

 

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went. the wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband’s costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice looking woman he could.

 

His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his present partner high and dry and devoted his time to the attractive new lady. She, enjoying the charade, letting him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went into the back garden and made passionate love.

 

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home. she put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.

 

“Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not with me.”

 

Then she asked,” Did you dance much?”

 

He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill and some more mates, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.”

 

“You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!” she said with unashamed sarcasm and brewing outrage.

 

To which the husband replied, “Actually, I gave my costume to my brother, and apparently he had the time of his life.”

Jafo
Reply #1 Saturday, March 9, 2019 9:37 AM

LOL

DrJBHL
Reply #2 Saturday, March 9, 2019 10:16 AM

Uvah
Reply #3 Saturday, March 9, 2019 10:21 AM

don5318
Reply #4 Saturday, March 9, 2019 10:50 AM

         

starkers
Reply #5 Thursday, March 21, 2019 2:50 AM

Worked with a bloke once who, no matter what you told him, no matter how bad it was, he would always reply: "Could've been worse."

We'd go in on various days and tell him of various disasters: earthquakes killing thousands; volcanoes wiping out towns of thousands; cruise liners sinking with all hands and passengers perishing; planes crashing killing hundreds, and he'd always come back with: "Could've been worse."

Anyway, we all got together to come up with something that nothing could be worse, Being that he was a family man and very close to his brother, we figured that something really bad involving his brother, Tom, and sister-in-law would invoke a different response.

"Hey, George, did you hear about Tom and his missus?"

'Nope!  What happened?"

"Well Tom got home from late shift last night and found his missus in bed with another man.  With that he went to the cupboard and pulled out his shotgun."

"So what happened then?

"Tom aimed the shotgun at the bloke and shot him dead.  Then he aimed at his missus and shot her dead.  Then he put the shotgun against his head and shot himself dead."

"Could've be worse!!"

"What??? What could be worse than your brother shooting some bloke, his missus and himself dead?"

"Could;ve been the night before, then I'd be dead."

Aussie007
Reply #6 Thursday, March 21, 2019 3:13 PM

Guy comes home from work and finds his wife in bed with three men.

He says hello, hello, hello.

To which his wife replies! Aren't you talking to me.

starkers
Reply #7 Sunday, March 24, 2019 8:50 PM

A man was approaching his 60th birthday and his wife asked what he'd like most as a gift.  He replied: "Well I have everything I want and need; all the tools I could ever need, a season ticket to the footy, a great car and all the mod cons I could ever want, but there is one thing I'd like"

"What's that my dear?" she queried.

"Well I'd like to know what's in the trunk you keep under the bed.  I've respected your privacy for all these years and not had a peek, but yeah, I'd like to see the contents."

A couple of days passed 'til the festivities and she made his most favourite meal for when he arrived home from work.  Anyway, he took a shower first then sat down to the sumptuous meal.  "Well that was lovely my dear, he quipped as she place the curious trunk in front of him on the table.  When he opened it there were 2 eggs and around 30,000 dollars.

"Okay, why the 2 eggs?" he asked.

"Im sorry to say, my love, but those represent when I was unfaithful to you."

He was quite taken aback by this at first, but upon thinking it over he said; "Well considering we've been married 40 years and there are just 2 eggs, I suppose I can't be too upset.  So what's the 30,000 dollars for?"

"Oh." she replied; "Every time I collected a dozen I sold 'em."

 

starkers
Reply #8 Sunday, March 24, 2019 8:59 PM

A couple of blokes are yakking in the pub and one asks the other: "What would you do to a bloke you caught doing it with your wife?"

"Well first off I'd kick his seeing eye dog and break his white cane."

starkers
Reply #9 Monday, March 25, 2019 5:21 AM

Then there was the wife who rang a bar asking for her husband.  Some guy pipes up and tell the bartender: "If that's my wife tell I'm not here."

The bartender tells her ecactly that and proceeds to hang up the phone.  She barks down the phone: "I know he's there, I heard his voice!!!"

The bartender replies: "I'm sorry madam, but that was a noisy drunk."

She retorts: "Yup, that's my husaband."

RedneckDude
Reply #10 Wednesday, March 27, 2019 7:21 AM

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

 

A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again!

 

Uvah
Reply #11 Wednesday, March 27, 2019 9:34 AM

eewww!     

Aussie007
Reply #12 Thursday, March 28, 2019 12:11 AM

What is the difference between a good girl and a nice girl?

A good girl goes home and goes to bed.

A nice girl goes to bed then goes home!

 

starkers
Reply #13 Monday, June 3, 2019 6:09 AM

A tortoise was out with his mates tryingt to have a good time when one of them told him that he needed to loosen up some and come out of his shell.

He thought about it a while and figured that he'd like to enjoy life more so went home and told his missus what his mates had said.

His cranky wife barked: "I'll simply not have it!!"

The perplexed look on his face indicated that he didn't understand.  So she barked even louder"

"I won't tolerate nudity!"

 

Aussie007
Reply #14 Tuesday, September 10, 2019 11:10 PM

A man was sunbaking on the beach in the nude.
He does the right thing and covers his private parts with a hat.
A woman comes along and says. Sir if you were a gentleman you would raise your hat.
To which he replies. And madam if you were pretty it would raise itself!

     

 

gevansmd
Reply #15 Wednesday, September 11, 2019 12:44 AM

This really happened in my life!  Oh wait, that wasn't me.

WebGizmos
Reply #16 Wednesday, September 11, 2019 3:20 AM

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