Messageboard Joke Marathon
Sunday, January 19, 2003 by Mr_Ph00ey2u | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
Ok...bring on your best or worst but leave everyone laughing 
Joke Rulez
1. Let's keep them PG. WC is a Family Place.
2. Links to Funny Pics or Flash files are welcome.
3. Throwing fruit and veggies at bad jokes is encouraged!
Joke Rulez
1. Let's keep them PG. WC is a Family Place.
2. Links to Funny Pics or Flash files are welcome.
3. Throwing fruit and veggies at bad jokes is encouraged!
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Kimbabe
Reply #123 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 6:31 PM I liked that one too Weaksid. Phooey my laughing muscles are hurting!
Here's one I thought was cute.
Analogies and Metaphors Found In High School Essays
~ Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had it's two
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
~ She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.
~ She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a
dog makes just before it throws up.
~ Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
~ He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
~ Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
~ McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.
~ The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots
when you fry them in hot grease.
~ Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced
across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains,
one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the
other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
~ John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
who had also never met.
~ He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was
the East River.
~ Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
~ The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.
~ The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender
leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
~ She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
~ It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple
it to the wall.
*Kim*
Reply #123 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 6:31 PM
I liked that one too Weaksid. Phooey my laughing muscles are hurting!Here's one I thought was cute.
Analogies and Metaphors Found In High School Essays
~ Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had it's two
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
~ She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.
~ She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a
dog makes just before it throws up.
~ Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
~ He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
~ Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
~ McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.
~ The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots
when you fry them in hot grease.
~ Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced
across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains,
one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the
other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
~ John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
who had also never met.
~ He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was
the East River.
~ Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
~ The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.
~ The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender
leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
~ She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
~ It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple
it to the wall.
*Kim*
Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #124 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 7:49 PM
Reply #124 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 7:49 PM
DON'T RUB THE LAMP! http://www.solarnight.com/genie/
Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #126 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:13 PM
Reply #126 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:13 PM
Why Shmoopy, what do you mean? 
I'm a brat!
I'm a brat!
Angel_Wings
Reply #127 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:15 PM
Reply #127 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:15 PM
Angel_Wings thinks you're just lucky...cuz she likes brats... 
Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #128 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:21 PM
Reply #128 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:21 PM
Mr_Ph00ey2u thinks so.
Mr_Ph00ey2u is partial to brats too
Mr_Ph00ey2u is partial to brats too
Angel_Wings
Reply #129 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:22 PM
Reply #129 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:22 PM
BTW ph00ey
Your reply could have been funnier if it hadn’t been so perfunctory.
Rather than saying, “I’m a brat!"...
Try:
Why Shmoopy, what do you mean?
I AM a brat.
hehe
Your reply could have been funnier if it hadn’t been so perfunctory.
Rather than saying, “I’m a brat!"...
Try:
Why Shmoopy, what do you mean?
I AM a brat.
hehe
Angel_Wings
Reply #130 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:26 PM
Reply #130 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:26 PM
T-minus one minute and counting, Ph00ey.
Get off the pot...(toilet that is...hehe)
Get off the pot...(toilet that is...hehe)
Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #131 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:34 PM
Reply #131 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:34 PM
I AM a perfunctory brat!
You ARE just a brat!
hehe!
You ARE just a brat!
hehe!
Angel_Wings
Reply #132 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:38 PM
Reply #132 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:38 PM
No, hehe...
That should have read...(
)
I AM a perfunctory brat!
You on the other hand are just a brat!
hehe!
That should have read...(
)I AM a perfunctory brat!
You on the other hand are just a brat!
hehe!
Angel_Wings
Reply #133 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:43 PM
Reply #133 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:43 PM
Ut oh...
What yonder music do I hear?
"Bratman...da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da BRATMAN!"
Ut oh... It's Bratman and his sidekick...'doh'-boy wonder.
Bratman? Whattya gotta say for yourself? Bratman replies..."Ask doh-boy wonder!"
Doh-boy replies as expected in this idiotic plot..."DOH!"
hehe
What yonder music do I hear?
"Bratman...da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da BRATMAN!"
Ut oh... It's Bratman and his sidekick...'doh'-boy wonder.
Bratman? Whattya gotta say for yourself? Bratman replies..."Ask doh-boy wonder!
"Doh-boy replies as expected in this idiotic plot..."DOH!"
hehe
Angel_Wings
Reply #134 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:48 PM
Reply #134 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:48 PM
Angel_Wings pulls doh-boys tights up his leatarded mind and gives him a wedgie!
Angel_Wings
Reply #136 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:49 PM
Reply #136 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:49 PM
Nope. Leotarded THAT is.
hmm 3rd times a charm.
hmm 3rd times a charm.
Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #137 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:49 PM
Reply #137 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:49 PM
Don't ya mean Bratman and 'doh'-gurl wonder?
A couple of real Stuper heros, aren't we?
Looks like I need to put in a dictionary...you're using those 5 dollar words again!
A couple of real Stuper heros, aren't we?
Looks like I need to put in a dictionary...you're using those 5 dollar words again!
Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #138 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:50 PM
Shmoopy's dictionary of new words that I bet ya didn't know!
-->Aquadextrous (akwa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability
to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
-->Carperpetuation (kar 'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when
vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least
a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it,
then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
-->Disconfect (diskonfect') v. To sterilize the piece of candy
you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming that somehow
it will 'remove' all the germs.
-->Elbonics (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people
maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
-->Frust (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be
swept onto the dustpan and keeps backing a person across the room
until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
-->Lactomangulation (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling
the 'open here' spout on a milk container so badly that one has
to resort to the 'illegal' side.
-->Peppier (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant
whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if
they want ground pepper.
-->Phonesia (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone
number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
-->Pupkus (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after
a dog presses its nose to it.
-->Telecrastination (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always
letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even
when you're only six inches away.
Reply #138 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:50 PM
Shmoopy's dictionary of new words that I bet ya didn't know!
-->Aquadextrous (akwa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability
to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
-->Carperpetuation (kar 'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when
vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least
a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it,
then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
-->Disconfect (diskonfect') v. To sterilize the piece of candy
you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming that somehow
it will 'remove' all the germs.
-->Elbonics (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people
maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
-->Frust (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be
swept onto the dustpan and keeps backing a person across the room
until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
-->Lactomangulation (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling
the 'open here' spout on a milk container so badly that one has
to resort to the 'illegal' side.
-->Peppier (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant
whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if
they want ground pepper.
-->Phonesia (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone
number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
-->Pupkus (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after
a dog presses its nose to it.
-->Telecrastination (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always
letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even
when you're only six inches away.
Angel_Wings
Reply #139 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:50 PM
Reply #139 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:50 PM
But Bratboy! We are STUPER kewl in geekland...
Okay, maybe not
But we are legends in our own minds!
Okay, maybe not
But we are legends in our own minds!
Angel_Wings
Reply #140 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:53 PM
Reply #140 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 8:53 PM
Oh...pinning my name on another 'previously penned' line of no good? I'm SO NOT impressed! hehe
At least be original...it's in your contract!
Angel_Wings gives ol' ph00ey a kick in the kaboose!
I'm SO NOT impressed! heheAt least be original...it's in your contract!
Angel_Wings gives ol' ph00ey a kick in the kaboose!
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Reply #121 Wednesday, January 22, 2003 4:00 PM
A Houston construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Trosclaire the
Cajun. I'm not hiring any Cajuns, the foreman thought to himself, so he
made up a test hoping that the Cajun wouldn't be able to answer the
questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an
argument. "Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using
numbers, represent the number 9." "Without numbers?" Trosclaire says. "Dat
is easy," and proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine." says Trosclaire.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here is your second question. Use the same
rules, but this time the number is 99." Trosclaire stares into space for a
while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge
on each tree. "ere you go." The boss scratches his head and says, "How on
earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees is dirty now! So
it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire this Cajun, so he
says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the Number
100."
Trosclaire stares into space again, then he picks up the picture again and
makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, "Ere you go. One
"hundred." The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think
that represents a hundred." Trosclaire leans forward and points to the
marks at the tree bases, and says, "A little dog come along and crap by
each tree, so now you've got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd,
and dirty tree and a turd, which make one hundred. So when I start?"