Messageboard Joke Marathon
Sunday, January 19, 2003 by Mr_Ph00ey2u | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
Ok...bring on your best or worst but leave everyone laughing 
Joke Rulez
1. Let's keep them PG. WC is a Family Place.
2. Links to Funny Pics or Flash files are welcome.
3. Throwing fruit and veggies at bad jokes is encouraged!
Joke Rulez
1. Let's keep them PG. WC is a Family Place.
2. Links to Funny Pics or Flash files are welcome.
3. Throwing fruit and veggies at bad jokes is encouraged!
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Xaltec
Reply #463 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 3:54 PM
Reply #463 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 3:54 PM
Three young ladies are trapped on a dessert island.
A blond
A brunette
And a redhead.
One day they find a magic lamp, and rub it in the vain hope a genie would appear.
**POOOOOF**
A genie appeared!
"I can grant you all one wish!" said the genie.
"You first." He said to the blond
"I wanna be cleverer, so's i can get offa dis island!" She announced.
**POOOOOF**
The genie turned her into a brunette, she then proceded to swim from the island.
"Now you." said the genie to the brunette.
"I think I would like to be smarter, so i can leave this island aswell." She proclaimed.
**POOOOF**
The genie turned her into a red head, and she went chopped a tree down, built a raft from it and sailed from the island.
The genie turned to the redhead, "Shall i ask your wish?"
The redhead replied, "Ask if you wish, but you must already know that one wishes to be ever so smart as to remove one's self from the ghastly island!"
The genie rolled his eyes and...
**POOOOOOOF**
Turned the redhead into a man and she crossed the f*****g bridge!!!
A blond
A brunette
And a redhead.
One day they find a magic lamp, and rub it in the vain hope a genie would appear.
**POOOOOF**
A genie appeared!
"I can grant you all one wish!" said the genie.
"You first." He said to the blond
"I wanna be cleverer, so's i can get offa dis island!" She announced.
**POOOOOF**
The genie turned her into a brunette, she then proceded to swim from the island.
"Now you." said the genie to the brunette.
"I think I would like to be smarter, so i can leave this island aswell." She proclaimed.
**POOOOF**
The genie turned her into a red head, and she went chopped a tree down, built a raft from it and sailed from the island.
The genie turned to the redhead, "Shall i ask your wish?"
The redhead replied, "Ask if you wish, but you must already know that one wishes to be ever so smart as to remove one's self from the ghastly island!"
The genie rolled his eyes and...
**POOOOOOOF**
Turned the redhead into a man and she crossed the f*****g bridge!!!
Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #464 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 6:35 PM
Sad News
What with all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in -and then the trouble started.....
Reply #464 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 6:35 PM
Sad News
What with all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in -and then the trouble started.....
Angel_Wings
Reply #465 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 6:57 PM
Reply #465 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 6:57 PM
ph00man...that was BAD *BOO! HISS!* Angel_Wings throws some veggies and fruit and ph00man! 
LMAO!
LMAO!
Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #466 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 7:04 PM I couldn't help myself!! It was too good not to pass on!!
Ducking all the fruit and veggies!
Reply #466 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 7:04 PM
I couldn't help myself!! It was too good not to pass on!! Ducking all the fruit and veggies!
mrtee
Reply #468 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 8:23 PM
Reply #468 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 8:23 PM
Copied from LangaList.
Once there was a mad scientist who worked by himself in his laboratory. He was so lonely that one day, he decided to clone himself. Everything worked perfectly, except that the clone had a very foul mouth. The scientist worked with the clone, but alas, he could not make the clone clean up his language. He got so tired of the clone's language that one day he pushed him off the end of a cliff. A policeman rushed up to him, and yelled "You are under arrest! You are under arrest!"
"What for?" the mad scientist asked. "Murder? Or would it be suicide?"
And the policeman's answer was, "Neither. It's for making an obscene clone fall."
Once there was a mad scientist who worked by himself in his laboratory. He was so lonely that one day, he decided to clone himself. Everything worked perfectly, except that the clone had a very foul mouth. The scientist worked with the clone, but alas, he could not make the clone clean up his language. He got so tired of the clone's language that one day he pushed him off the end of a cliff. A policeman rushed up to him, and yelled "You are under arrest! You are under arrest!"
"What for?" the mad scientist asked. "Murder? Or would it be suicide?"
And the policeman's answer was, "Neither. It's for making an obscene clone fall."
Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #469 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 8:32 PM
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates,
Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have
NO idea the lengths that some people will go to to sneak
into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a
blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk
instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane
mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE
Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks
for credentials.
Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"
Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly
stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you
claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint
Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso
both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove
yours?"
George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and
Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."
Reply #469 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 8:32 PM
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates,
Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have
NO idea the lengths that some people will go to to sneak
into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a
blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk
instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane
mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE
Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks
for credentials.
Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"
Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly
stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you
claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint
Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso
both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove
yours?"
George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and
Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."
Kimbabe
Reply #471 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 8:37 PM
Reply #471 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 8:37 PM
Phooey! I don't know where you came from but I sure am glad you did!
I always leave here with a smile
*Kim*
I always leave here with a smile
*Kim*
Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #472 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 9:13 PM
Reply #472 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 9:13 PM
TY Kim! *Blush*
WHY MEN AREN'T SECRETARIES
Husband's note to his wife:
"Doctor's office called: Said Pabst beer is normal."
WHY MEN AREN'T SECRETARIES
Husband's note to his wife:
"Doctor's office called: Said Pabst beer is normal."
UBoB
Reply #473 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 9:15 PM
Reply #473 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 9:15 PM
My favorite Rodney Dangerfield joke.....
"Some guys are breast men, some are leg men, me, I'm an azz man. I must be, every time I walk by somebody they say 'you're an azz, man'".
"Some guys are breast men, some are leg men, me, I'm an azz man. I must be, every time I walk by somebody they say 'you're an azz, man'".
Angel_Wings
Reply #475 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 9:16 PM
Reply #475 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 9:16 PM
that was meant for ph00ey btw, motion !
Your joke was good.
!Your joke was good.
Kimbabe
Reply #477 Thursday, February 6, 2003 11:29 AM
My sister sent me this one today
A woman was on the witness stand, accused of poisoning her husband.
"After you put poison in the coffee, you sat at the breakfast table and watched your husband drink it. Tell me, didn't you feel
the slightest bit of pity for him?" the defense attorney prompted.
"Yes," she replied, "I think there was one moment when I felt sorry for him."
"And when was that?"
"When he asked for his second cup.
*Kim*
Reply #477 Thursday, February 6, 2003 11:29 AM
My sister sent me this one today
A woman was on the witness stand, accused of poisoning her husband.
"After you put poison in the coffee, you sat at the breakfast table and watched your husband drink it. Tell me, didn't you feel
the slightest bit of pity for him?" the defense attorney prompted.
"Yes," she replied, "I think there was one moment when I felt sorry for him."
"And when was that?"
"When he asked for his second cup.
*Kim*
Mr_Ph00ey2u
Reply #479 Thursday, February 6, 2003 9:28 PM
Reply #479 Thursday, February 6, 2003 9:28 PM
Long day at work today...but my sense of humor survived
This fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws. The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top- of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day."
So, the man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw. "How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?" the man asks himself.
"I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day," the man tells himself.
So, the next morning the man gets up at 4 am in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five cords. The man is convinced this is a bad saw. "The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem. I will take this saw back to the dealer," the man says to himself. The very next day the man brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the man's claim, removes the chainsaw from the case. The dealer says, "Hmm, it looks fine." Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, to which the man responds, "What's that noise?"
This fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws. The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top- of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day."
So, the man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw. "How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?" the man asks himself.
"I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day," the man tells himself.
So, the next morning the man gets up at 4 am in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five cords. The man is convinced this is a bad saw. "The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem. I will take this saw back to the dealer," the man says to himself. The very next day the man brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the man's claim, removes the chainsaw from the case. The dealer says, "Hmm, it looks fine." Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, to which the man responds, "What's that noise?"
IPlural
Reply #480 Friday, February 7, 2003 2:05 AM
Reply #480 Friday, February 7, 2003 2:05 AM
It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue.
Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. When
he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him
in.
"Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says.
"That's cool," says Bobby.
Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do.
Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt
shop or to a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue's father responds, "Why don't you kids go out and
screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."
Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says
"Whaaaat?"
"Yeah," says Peggy Sue's father, "Peggy Sue really likes to screw.
She'll screw all night if we let her."
Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he
has revised the plans for the evening.
A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle
skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the
front door while dad is saying "Have a good evening kids," with a
wink.
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back
into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father:
"DAMMIT DADDY! THE TWIST!!!!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!!!"
Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. When
he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him
in.
"Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says.
"That's cool," says Bobby.
Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do.
Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt
shop or to a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue's father responds, "Why don't you kids go out and
screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."
Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says
"Whaaaat?"
"Yeah," says Peggy Sue's father, "Peggy Sue really likes to screw.
She'll screw all night if we let her."
Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he
has revised the plans for the evening.
A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle
skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the
front door while dad is saying "Have a good evening kids," with a
wink.
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back
into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father:
"DAMMIT DADDY! THE TWIST!!!!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!!!"
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Reply #461 Wednesday, February 5, 2003 12:57 PM