Elf if it is meant to be all the distance and time won't even matter...

distance has nothing to do w/ it anyways, you can feel closer to someone a million miles away then someone sitting right next to you! hehe

Don't worry so much about it, relax, the "time" you are complaining about will be the very thing that takes you where you are suppose to be w/ Rob whether meant to be or not...

I hope it works out for you!

FELINE! Quit skinny dippin' in the chocolate lake!

JavaBrain,

I do try to spend time with him, but it is hard. I don't want to go home with him because his parents can't really afford to have me there. Their house is a bit too crowded for the family alone, and everytime I do go home, I feel like I'm being a total responsibility....... makes me somehow... hate myself.

I've told him how important it is to me that we spend time together...and not just anytime, but quality time. I don't request it often, but once a month or two isn't too much to ask. A bit of time to play catch up with each other, and have fun.....

The funny thing about it is.... everytime I have a free weekend, his parents want him to go home or his sister plans on going home and so he has to go along..... I'm tired of planning my life around everyone else's..... For once I want to be a bit more selfish, not give everyone what he or she wants and take nothing back......

I know people drift apart, and I already feel that. Rob is busy and his mind is always occupied with work with his studies and his financial problems....

As much time as I'll like to spend with him, I too have my own worries about school and my own grades.

Just Sunday night, I showed exactly how important it was with tears. I don't cry often, and I hate crying, but I know tears move every devoted guy's heart... He and I are trying to sort all of this out, to plan a time.....

But his parents are in the way......
I understand that parents want to see their kids as often as possible, but making it like a guy can't even spend quality time with his girlfriend.... I don't know... that's too much. Granted, I'll probably do the same for my parents, but on the other end, they have to sacrifice something too..... A week now for me, means a week later for them.

Doreen,

I understand what you're saying, but I've grown up in an environment where I've never been touched very much, and that placed touch and physical closeness close to the top of my list. I've been held, been cuddled, been spoiled senseless by my boyfriend..... distance does matter, to me. It's a complicated story....... maybe I'll tell it, when I feel confident enough to reveal my childhood.

The time I'm complaining this with, I take out of my sleep time or study time. There's too much of those, and not enough of boyfriend time.........

Our schedules conflict, and it is hard to find time that'll suit both of us..... cept vacation, and even that... is almost impossible

JavaBrain - FELINE! Quit skinny dippin' in the chocolate lake!

there are several answers to this, and i think i am going to give all of them, since i am in that sort of mood

a) its my planet
given the size of the lake, why does this matter?
c) i am not. have you any idea how long it takes to get all the chocolate out of my fur?

stop thinking so much like a human
all that needs to be done is to create a surface tension over the entire body fur surface before going swiming. this means that the chocolate slides off when i climb out. of course, it is even less of a problem when dracoform, since scales dont have this issue.

on a different front, when have you ever seen a cat or a dragon anything other than "naked"? its just not the same when you have fur and scales to show off as it is for humans

i was begining to think that i was surrounded by aliens in here.

i am not actually sure if this says more about me or you lot though

Elfkura - I understand what you're saying, but I've grown up in an environment where I've never been touched very much, and that placed touch and physical closeness close to the top of my list. I've been held, been cuddled, been spoiled senseless by my boyfriend..... distance does matter, to me.


this is the first bit that really makes sence to me.

i cannot draw direct parallels, since i dont know enough about Elf to do so, and anyway, it wouldnt be apropriate even if i could.

however, this sounds a lot like me, except that i have gone the other way. having grown up feeling alone and surounded by alien strangers (people my own age), being physically close to people is something that i tend to dislike.

as a child i never got on with other children very well, but i always tended to get on with adults who would talk to me as a person, as oposed to treating me like a child.

so i have ended up "defining" the concept of a "relationship" purely in terms of a meeting of minds. and for such a meeting distance becomes irrelivent.

the parallel half of the process was that any form of "physical" interaction just never entered the equasion. just what you would expect under the circumstances.

when this is combined with my general nature, and complex views on the whole questions of gender and species, then simply sidestepping the whole physical question seems quite natural and easy

i dont know if the following thoughts are at all helpful or not Elf, but i offer them up anyway.

can you at least get the mental closeness via net and phone talks?
as for someone to cuddle, how about a large teddy bear? this isnt quite as silly as it sounds. or at least i find it helps.

i do hope that this works out somehow for you both.

I, too, don't get along with other children when I was young. I've always been left out by the sidelines, never picked on to join in any team for games, just kinda walk around like an invisible shadow where no one else but me knows I exist. My only friends back then, if I had any, were teachers that were willing to spend their free time talking to a child. My time was spent learning and listening to little stories and lessons they have to offer........... hence that's why I never know the little common things anyone else knows, cause I've never made a move to learn them or pay attention.

I dislike having people around me. The only people I can stand having around me for a couple of hours are my closest friends, and even there, I can't count more than five. Even when I am around them, I still have to leave to be by myself for a while.... I hate prying eyes, and I most definitely don't like people viewing a part of me that I don't want them to see......

But those are friends. Best friend falls under yet another category to me, and so does boyfriend........

As meeting of minds, I hate talking to a person about personal goals, personal views without seeing them face to face. I've been raised that you only talk of simple and short things over the phone. Anything else, talk about it over a snack or a drink. It's my personality, it's me. I need to see a person and his reaction to my thoughts and my views. I especially hate having family members eavedropping over phone conversations. Over the phone just never cuts it...... and I don't know what to talk over the phone anyways. As for net, he doesn't come online, or only for a little while if he does.... what then? Just hop into serious chat?

I do own a teddy bear, but it's of no help. I'm spoiled. Once I find something I love dearly, a replacement or a substitute will -never- work to ease any feelings I have.

I've 'dated' ess-vid over the web for close to 2 years. There are absolutely no words describing how absolutely pathetic I feel about it after meeting my current boyfriend. Just cause the "love" is there, the physical bond never existed. Meeting him for the first time...... we were strangers.......

If we had met before, coming back 2 years later, we would've been strangers again....

I feel... pathetic.....since I know my boyfriend is a member of wincustomize too... he'll probably read this sometime...

Class time. I'll check back on the board later.

don't feel pathetic Elf, especially if wc is the place you felt like expressing some feelings cuz you have some friends "Here" (Besides what can anyone do? smack ya upside the head?) hehe

all you need to do is find quiet time to make some important decisions (me I run to the ocean to think)

what is "most" important to "you" if you've told Rob and he is actually aware of "your" feelings and he still does not respond, then his priorities are not going to ever make "you" happy,
so maybe you should move on?

(now only if our hearts would co-operate that would be very easy huh?) hehe

Elfkura,

I would have to agree that if it's meant to be, your relationship will stand the test.

But, if I read correctly above, you said you're about 2 hours from where he lives. That's really not that far you know. It would make a perfect day trip. Or, the two of you could meet somewhere in the middle and spend several hours together.

I can understand your stance on phone and electronic correspondence. The physical interaction is so important to me too. It's not a shallow thing. But I don't know how you can ever really get to know someone or spend quality time with someone without being around them physically. (A point I can't seem to get across to my good friend who wastes her precious energy in AOL chat rooms.) I'm a "viber" and you can't get a person's vibe over the phone or internet.

I strongly encourage you to make the 2 hour drive. Hell, take a bus if you have to.
How does your boyfriend feel about all this anyway..? It's got to go both ways to work.

feline I "never" know what to say to you and I am truely starting to believe you are a cat... hehe

Doreen - feline I "never" know what to say to you and I am truely starting to believe you are a cat... hehe

feline *giggle*
just be yourself. from what i have seen you are an interesting human, making it nice to talk to you.

i am told by my mother (who has known me for a few years now ) that i am "not a typical male".

personally, i dont really consider myself to be human. it isnt that i have anything against humans personally, its just that so many of the humans i know seem to exist in a totaly different world to me, as if they were a completely different species.

if you factor in the things that go on inside my minds (deliberate plural) below the surface, then saying that i am a cat is very flattering

personally i deem my "fundamental" heritage as a species to be about 30% cat, 30% dragon, and 40% iterative evolution

as for what to say, there are some clasics that come to mind:
* have some chocolate
* its nice to see you
* *hug*
* free donuts
* *scratch behind ears*
* *tummy rub*

but then, i aproach this whole thing differently. i am never quite what to say to you, but then i have that problem with nearly all humans anyway

well for me feline, you can say anything to me

cuz when I'm on the net, much don't harm me. hehe

okay well then here is some cyber chocolate for you & nice to see/read you

Elfkura - I, too, don't get along with other children when I was young. I've always been left out by the sidelines, never picked on to join in any team for games, just kinda walk around like an invisible shadow where no one else but me knows I exist.

god, to see someone else put into words so effectively such an acurate description of my own childhood. it is kind of spookie.

and to think that most adults say that childhood is the happiest time of your like

feline is *very* glad they are wrong

Elfkura - hence that's why I never know the little common things anyone else knows, cause I've never made a move to learn them or pay attention.

yep, me to *sigh*

Elfkura - I dislike having people around me. The only people I can stand having around me for a couple of hours are my closest friends, and even there, I can't count more than five. Even when I am around them, I still have to leave to be by myself for a while.... I hate prying eyes, and I most definitely don't like people viewing a part of me that I don't want them to see......

feline is impressed
you should be prowd of your self. you have made far more progress in the offline world of humans that i have.

if pushed, i am not sure that i could name even one person that i would name as a close friend. there is my mother, but that is different.

Elfkura - But those are friends. Best friend falls under yet another category to me, and so does boyfriend........

feline has yet to work out how to get there

Elfkura - As meeting of minds, I hate talking to a person about personal goals, personal views without seeing them face to face. I've been raised that you only talk of simple and short things over the phone. Anything else, talk about it over a snack or a drink. It's my personality, it's me. I need to see a person and his reaction to my thoughts and my views. I especially hate having family members eavedropping over phone conversations. Over the phone just never cuts it...... and I don't know what to talk over the phone anyways. As for net, he doesn't come online, or only for a little while if he does.... what then? Just hop into serious chat?

i suppose this is partly a matter of different approaches and personalities here. my experience of talking to people on line is that if you talk to them enough, then you get to know their moods and views by their words.

i wouldnt suggest trying to jump right in to deep converstation. surely you have common interests that you can talk about on-line / on the phone? partly the idea is simply to keep in contact with each other.

since i never tended to socialize with people when i was growing up, mainly relying on talking to adults i have ended up with a different approach.

as a child converstations with adults would occur as and when they happened. since they could tend to be snached in quite minutes when the adult wasnt doing something "adult", i never made the connection between sitting down socually and talking to someone. so for me the on-line world just seems like a natural extension of this.

the thing you do miss in on-line converstation is all the body language and voice / tone information. the flip side of this though is to realise that most men dont know it is there to begin with

if you watch 2 women having a conversation they can say a vast amount without uttering a word. the amusing thing is when you have one or more men present. the men are normally totaly unaware that the women are talking, and even if they realise there is a converstaion going on they never seem to be able to follow or join in

Elfkura - I do own a teddy bear, but it's of no help. I'm spoiled. Once I find something I love dearly, a replacement or a substitute will -never- work to ease any feelings I have.

i think i understand. however, since i have never tended to have this *connection* i am not used to having to fill a specific void.

i am used to filling the usual vague "i am missing out on something" void. for that sort of general emptyness a teddybar can be quite cumforting.


Elfkura - I feel... pathetic.....since I know my boyfriend is a member of wincustomize too... he'll probably read this sometime...

feline hugs Elf
please dont feel pathetic
you have reached out and made a connection with someone that means a *lot* to you. this is a brave and powerful achievement.

if it helps, as someone has already pointed out, there are people here who care about you.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!!
VIRTUAL CHOCOLATE FOR EVERYONE!!!!!

Ok, that was a heart made out of smilies, but it appears that the spaces where removed.....

* *
* * * *
* * *
* *
* *
* *
*

Ok, not perfect, but you get the point....

feline *giggle*
feline *hugs* JavaBrain

i *like* people like this, especially when they start giving out chocolates

Damn message board won't keep the spaces....
Ok, so it's a heart that was run over by a bulldozer...

JavaBrain *hugs* Feline back
Happy Valentines Day, Feline!

Let's see... were you going for something like this, Java?

.. .. ..

.... ....
.. ..
.. ..
.. ..

I'm going to be very surprised if that comes out right, but what the hell... I've had a couple of minutes to kill!

actually, that was closer than I was expecting!

.. .... ..

..... .....
....... .......
............ ............
................. .................

Okay, if that doesn't work, I am NOT trying this again!

well I can make a heart here...