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Reply #23 Sunday, September 25, 2011 10:43 AM
Or they've been dining on curried cabbage and this has resulted in profound deafness?
That is a bastard of an ailment. I've had it for about 15 years, the result of an injury, and it often drives me to distraction... or worse. Sometimes I can't sleep because it's so loud and discomforting. Grrrrr!!!!
Yep, it does... can hear it from up the street, even....
Reply #24 Sunday, September 25, 2011 3:38 PM
Even with the volume on low that thing has quite a reverb. Wow!
Reply #25 Sunday, September 25, 2011 4:29 PM
That's right! So they're either being ignorant and ignoring the doorbell, or it's one of the scenarios above.
My money's on the Viagra overdose and they're stuck in bed together... assuming that's where they went to participate.
Hmmm, I wonder if throwing a bucket of cold water over 'em would work, or whether somebody oughta call the para's. 
Reply #26 Sunday, September 25, 2011 7:21 PM
Call Guinness instead. Sounds like a record breaker.
Reply #27 Monday, September 26, 2011 12:37 PM
Would Guinness publish a record like that?
I tried to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for the person who could pee the farthest.
Trouble was, part way into my attempt the stream broke momentarily, a couple of drops his the ground before the finish line and they disqualified me for not maintaining one constant and continuous stream. Bastards. I blamed the wind because there was a gale blowing right across the arena, but they still wouldn't record my feat of 27 feet 11 inches and wouldn't wait around while I drank a carton of beer so I could try again.
Reply #28 Monday, September 26, 2011 4:42 PM
Next time bring your hat along, the one with the twin kegs on either side. This way there's no mistaking your intent wind or no wind.
Reply #29 Monday, September 26, 2011 5:52 PM
Bugger the hat.... next time I'll have a direct pipeline to the brewery and a fermenter full of shandy.
Reply #31 Tuesday, September 27, 2011 4:50 AM
It's like the brewery official who had to inform a woman she had become a widow... that her husband had fallen in a vat of beer and drowned.
"Do you think he suffered?" she asked.
""No, I don't think so," responded the brewery official: "he got out 3 times to pee."
That's not as bad as the Scots distillery worker who fell in a vat of whiskey and drowned, however....
Not only did he get out 7 times to pee... when they cremated him it took 4 days and 6 fire trucks to put out the blaze.
Reply #32 Tuesday, September 27, 2011 8:42 AM
Which lends credence to the need for all who imbibe to excess be required to hang a 'Caution: Flammable and inebriated' sign around their necks. 
Reply #33 Tuesday, September 27, 2011 10:01 AM
In fact, if you were to hang a rag from the mouth of an inebriated person and lit it, would he/she become a human Molotov Cocktail?
Reply #34 Tuesday, September 27, 2011 5:21 PM
Either that or someone with a severe case of halitosis?
Reply #35 Thursday, September 29, 2011 2:53 AM
Yup, that'd do it every time.
So what do you give a politician with halitosis, apart from duct tape and a mint?
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Reply #21 Sunday, September 25, 2011 1:05 AM
A bit like politicians, you think... where the lights are on but nobody's home, kinda thing?
As for the Viagra placebos... well I happen to think that's a very dirty trick...
.... just like the time somebody swapped my travel sick pills for Viagra and the rocking motion of the train, er.....
Yeah, and the woman sat across from me asked if I was going to the same astronomy conference as her and: "is that a telescope in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?"
Still that doesn't explain why there's no answer when we ring the doorbell.