I'll toot to that!

starkers aboard the H.M.A.S.S. Stinko

hehehe w00t, that's him alright

A dictionary for the Cap'n:

Plain Jane. One-second duration, nice resonant reverberation, and pungent odor cloud with a nearly instantaneous 5-foot radius. Your standard, everyday, friendly fart.

Beefy One. Sounds loud and butch, e.g., 'BRAAAMMPPP!' Smells like a cross between a decaying meadow muffin on a hot day and a fresh dog-turd.

Eggy. Smells very much like rotten eggs (or hydrogen sulfide). A powerful odor which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bunbuster (see below).

Bunbuster. 'BRAAAP!' Sounds something like a Beefy One, except much more sudden and much more powerful. May smell either eggy or beefy. Leaves your asshole smarting. You really feel these babies.

Ripper. Sends seismic ripples to the next town. Rips the seams in the crotch of your pants. This fart genuinely hurts, and you can still feel it 20 minutes later. Anyone sitting nearby may experience hearing loss.


Diesel. Sputters to a start, but then keeps putt-putting along spewing out an endless cloud of dirty, noxious fumes.
Surprise! You didn't even know that it was there, but suddenly . . . 'BRRMP!'  

Gunshot. Sounds just like a gunshot. Unbelievably loud indoors. Hard to believe that this emanates from between your buttocks. Bullet explodes into billions of virulent odor molecules. Gunshot farts are relatively rare but, like guns, very dangerous.

Squeaky. Puny and unsatisfying. Sounds a bit like a muffled 'Wheeeek,' but smells foul.

Worrier. The kind that seems to be a fart right up to the point at which you release it. At this stage, matters become less sure, as it feels too solid for comfort. You go to the bathroom and check your underpants at the first possible opportunity.

Poopie Prelude. It feels like it's going to be a large beefy one, but out comes a tiny little squeaker fart plus the head of something massive. You tense your buttocks fast, lest you give birth to the brown equivalent of a zeppelin.

Present. The type of fart that seems harmless, but then brings a small poop as a housewarming gift. You shuffle off to the toilet and give thanks you weren't in a business meeting or job interview when it happened. If you were, you're screwed.

Burble. Bubbly! Sometimes messy too.

SBD (Silent But Deadly). Totally inaudible but somehow causes all the occupants in a room to collapse. Smell is undefined because nasal investigators haven't had time to analyze the odor before passing out. (This one is also known as SBL: Silent But Lethal and Toxic Assassin.)

GNL (Gambled 'n' Lost). You take a gamble that it's going to be a fart and stay where you are, but tragically come to realize that this is much more than a fart... Next big gamble: do you put your underpants in the laundry basket and hope your wife won't notice, do you wash 'em out yourself, or do you throw 'em away?

Hydrated. The original wet fart, which leaves a mark on your pants and gives you a cold wet sticky sensation when you walk. Try to avoid this one if you're wearing white trousers.

Not Now Please! You feel the presence of a mighty fart but are unable to release it due to your situation (first date, new customer, important business meeting, etc.). You clench your buttocks together so hard you nearly have a stroke, and wait for the pressure to subside. Success depends upon a number of factors, but in the end you're probably going to have to face the music (literally). Or you can try the stealth approach (see below).

Who, Me? You let it out as silently as possible and nobody hears it. You discreetly take deep sniffs and smell nothing. You think you got away with it. But 30 seconds later, as if released from a stasis field, everybody starts to cough and splutter. You point to the person next to you and try to look innocent.

Waker-Upper. The first fart of the morning. All that broccoli, beans, and beer you had for dinner last night has decayed and fermented into about 1,000 ml of noxious gas just dying to escape from your rectum. Whether you let go under the covers when you first wake up or hold it until you're taking your early morning pee, releasing that first fart of the day feels oh, so good and sets the tone for the whole day.

Electrical. Sound like they have some juice in them.

Dutch Oven. A fart you make in bed -- any kind at all -- followed up by holding your partner's head under the bedclothes so that he/she can get the full effect of it. Good for moving a stalled divorce process along. Very bad early in your marriage.

Warning to TG:  Do Not Ever Light A Match In Starker's Home (nor in a 10 mile radius if you're smart!)!!!!!!!

LMAO!! So is my son

You've certainly done your research Doc

____________

Your ideal chick starkers

For starkers? Only the best will do.

hehe so where is he, he's a gas

I know he said he wasn't going to wait for reindeer.. but I bet he couldn't resist.

I thought I heard one, but it was only an owl

Doc got himself a present!

Is Doc wearing that now?

Why thank you, Tailsgirl, I got a mention in the 'Daily Bugle' once for peeling one off above and beyond the call of duty, but this truly recognises my efforts as a methanologist and is an honour I shall not take lightly.  I shall continue to give my best to the noble profession and fully intend to pass on its secrets to my grandchildren as they serve their apprenticeships so its traditions may not be lost in time.

lol you're welcome, Methane Master *bows*

STaRkErS Scroll down If You want to hav a wonderful thing

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Take this      and break ur monitor..LoL

hehehe

Merry Xmas

The best of the season to all of my good friends here at WC.  You all make me so happy I could just fart.

Hey Doc, you missed the Curried Cabbage Bark: a paint peeler and window shatterer that can not only bring tears to one's eyes but can also render the excretor unable to walk unless thrice daily applications of vaseline are applied to prevent crippling ring burn. Moreover, the curried cabbage bark has tactical advantages such as shortening queues, vacating overcrowded elevators and silencing lying politicians.  However, the curried cabbage bark must be used with care when peeling one off in banks... while they're extremely useful in the executive offies, they can also set off silent alarms and you don't wanna be dealing with SWAT in a standoff situation

Although I'm in Cincinnati....Not only did I hear that one, but I felt the seismic tremor. Now, just to pray for a westerly wind....

Hehe... didn't know I was so recognisable.

Well 'almost' my ideal chick... she hasn't got her own gas mask... not to mention that I prefer girls who take 'em in DD.

Oh I resisted orright... I heard tell that Santa's feeding them on curried Tundra grass... and I didn't want the competition.

One of my former students  I knew that he was going to go far when I noticed that he never ever suffered with stagefright.

Good morning guys and Merry Xmas/Happy Hanukkah to you, and Ed, great to see you buddy!! lol@ your post Ed

Good morning everyone, happy holidays to all.

Hello starkers, the morning fart out yet?