Make Me Laugh

Friday, December 5, 2008 by PoSmedley | Discussion: Community

I don't ask much from you all (at least I don't think I do...except to put up with my sh**..I dunno...) but I'm having a real sh** couple of weeks. I just gotta hold out until the 11th for my nerve block and the drugs aren't cutting it. I've been watching a lot of 'House' (I love that freaking show) and 'Family Guy' to keep my mind off of the pain and the fact that I can't paint the livingroom and kitchen before Christams for my wife. (I can't do it on the drugs and without them I can barely walk let alone bend and all that good stuff)

 

So...give me some distraction, will ya? Make me laugh, please.  And don't worry about being in good taste and all. I can't remeber the last time I was offended.

I'm counting on you. I want to leave work, go home, boot up the PC and pee myself laughing. (Not that I don't pee myself now, but this way I have an excuse)

First Previous Page 14 of 14 Next Last
DrJBHL
Reply #261 Thursday, November 19, 2009 1:28 PM

You should be feeling "sheepish" after that one.

mercatory
Reply #262 Thursday, November 19, 2009 7:03 PM

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." ...that`s my fave

mercatory
Reply #263 Thursday, November 19, 2009 7:53 PM
starkers
Reply #264 Friday, November 20, 2009 1:40 AM

Chicken is now off my diet.

Wait until you see what they can do with lamb

Does that refer to 'alleged' activities in NZ,,, where the men are men and the sheep are nervous???

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."

That reminds me of a question my first wife asked.  She wanted to know what I'd do if I came home from work and found her making love to another man.

I answered: I'd kick his seeing eye dog and break his white cane.

angus1949
Reply #265 Friday, November 20, 2009 11:09 AM

Newest H1N1 flu mask.

of course Starkers should be careful before using his!

angus1949
Reply #266 Friday, November 20, 2009 11:13 AM

Doc getting ready for Thanksgiving guests.

DPCloud
Reply #267 Friday, November 20, 2009 11:16 AM

MY EYES! MY EYES!

starkers
Reply #268 Friday, November 20, 2009 11:35 AM

Doc getting ready for Thanksgiving guests.

Looks like he needs a new arse.... his has a huge crack in it.

MY EYES! MY EYES!

Your Eyes???  The photographer hasn't been the same since. 

Apparently he winced and his eyelids melded shut tight for fear Doc would bend over to pick up the quarter he dropped.

DrJBHL
Reply #269 Friday, November 20, 2009 12:01 PM

Oh Ed.....

angus1949
Reply #270 Friday, November 20, 2009 12:15 PM

Oh no, not ANOTHER D.R.E..  You owe me dinner first.  You only need one glove by the way.

angus1949
Reply #271 Friday, November 20, 2009 12:21 PM

 Mrs. Staarkers @ 259

So, good luck getting to know your guy better
As our great redneck poet Jeff Foxworthy says: Men aren't complicated.  All they think about is , I need a beer and I want to see somethin' neckid.

DrJBHL
Reply #272 Friday, November 20, 2009 12:21 PM

Actually....you're the one who asked for both hands last time...remember? 

angus1949
Reply #273 Friday, November 20, 2009 12:40 PM

I'm not going there anymore.  My doctors do that for real enough here.  I'm not sure why at times.  Haven't gotten a dinner yet.

DrJBHL
Reply #274 Friday, November 20, 2009 12:47 PM

HAHAHAHA!!!! Do you realize what you just wrote? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

BTW, I think I look good with wigs...and 'at least' you caught my better side.  

angus1949
Reply #275 Friday, November 20, 2009 1:08 PM

'at least' you caught my better side.
That "CRACKS" me up!

RedneckDude
Reply #276 Friday, November 20, 2009 4:23 PM

How Pumpkin Pie Is Made

RedneckDude
Reply #277 Friday, November 20, 2009 4:24 PM

Redneck Logic

PoSmedley
Reply #278 Friday, November 20, 2009 8:23 PM

Redneck Logic

Change that to 'South Carolina' and welcome to my hell.

angus1949
Reply #279 Monday, November 23, 2009 11:42 AM

Subject: Obama health care
>
> The American
> Medical Association has weighed in on the new Obama health
> care proposals.  The Allergists voted to scratch
> it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash
> moves.  The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling
> about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration
> had a lot of nerve.The Obstetricians felt they
> were all laboring under a misconception.  Ophthalmologists
> considered the idea shortsighted.  Pathologists yelled,
> "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said,
> "Oh, Grow up!"The Psychiatrists thought
> the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see
> right through it.  Surgeons decided to wash their hands of
> the whole thing.  The Internists thought it was a bitter
> pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This
> puts a whole new face on the
> matter...."The Podiatrists thought it was a
> step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the
> whole idea.  The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea
> was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart
> to say no.In the end, the Proctologists won
> out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in
> Washington.

DPCloud
Reply #280 Monday, February 1, 2010 12:27 PM

 

Children Are Quick
____________________________________

TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find  North America  .
MARIA:         Here it  is.
TEACHER:   Correct.  Now class, who discovered   America ?
CLASS:         Maria.
____________________________________  

TEACHER:   John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:          You told me to do it without using tables..
__________________________________________

TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN:      K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong
GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.  

(I  Love this child)
____________________________________________

TEACHER:   Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:     H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:   What are you talking about?
DONALD:    Yesterday you said it's H to O.  
__________________________________

TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE:       Me!
__________________________________________  

TEACHER:   Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN:          Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.  
_______________________________________

TEACHER:     Millie, give me a sentence starting with '  I.  '
MILLIE:           I  is..
TEACHER:     No, Millie..... Always say, 'I  am.'
MILLIE:          All right...  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'    
________________________________

TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.  
                    Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:           Because George still had the axe in his hand....    
______________________________________  

TEACHER:    Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:         No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.  
______________________________

TEACHER:       Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE  :         No, sir. It's the same dog.  
___________________________________

TEACHER:    Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:     A teacher

 

 

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