What a bastard.... 2010 and EDfluenza came 10 years early for me.

 We who have taught, or love children who have been taught, know this is funny!  


From the diary of a Pre-School Teacher

My five-year old students are learning to read.

Sam had been in the hectic newspaper business for twenty-five years when he decided that he was sick of the stress and quit his job. He bought 50 acres of land in the middle of Nowhere, Vermont. His place was so isolated that the postman came only once a week and he went to the grocery store only once a month.

After six months of near total isolation, he hears a knock on the door. He opens the door and a big bearded Vermonter is standing there. He says, "Names Enoch...your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday...thought you'd like to come."

"Great," replies Sam. "After six months of living like this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thanks for inviting me."

As Enoch is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you, though, there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem. After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can drink with the best of them."

Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. "More 'n likely gonna be some fightin', too." Tough crowd, Sam thinks to himself. "Well, I get along with people. Don't worry, I'll be there. Thanks again."

Once again, Enoch turns from the door, "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too." "Now that is not a problem," Sam says. "I've been up here all alone for six long months. I'll definitely be there.

By the way, what should I wear?"

Enoch stops in the doorway one last time and says... "Whatever you want. Just gonna be the 2 of us there."

rofl....

ok i dunno how i missed this thread til now. now i just need to mark it so i can find it again later and sift through it.

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
You watch the Weather Channel.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
"I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
You read this entire list looking desperately for one

I'm feeling 'randy' and I can't post these in their respective  threads because it would just be wrong.

Thread titles :

Choking

Heimliching!

Unable to rate

and you never will!

Stop hitting on super models, you're aiming to high!

No rating IS a rating!

My Darker Side

I can't see anythi...OH MY GOOOOOD!

Can't Find Grassy Field

It isn't always greener on the other side!

Finish The Sentence

If you don't know what you were going to say, what makes you think I do?

One of Object Dock Plus's Many Uses

Herding cats. Yes...it's true. Ask Jafo...ooops, you missed that question didn't you.

He inserted some of his old code into OD+ in order to gain control over members here at WC:

(sorry....won't embed) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk7yqlTMvp8

Thanks Jim. Can't figure out why!

correction: internet explorer. Worked fine with Opera.

I did it with IE8. When you put the embed code in, take out everything before <embed and everything after embed>.

Here you go Po. this is a Florida style chicken wing.

Gives a WHOLE new meaning to "Hot Wings", now doesn't it? 

Oh dear, you've done it again, Ed... now I'm having trouble seeing the page for tears of laughter.

Just when I think I'm all teared out from your last comical escapade, you go and put up something this that.... brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

Well it's unlikely you'd see 'Hot Wings' presented like that at KFC... tho I wouldn't put it past Po` or RedneckDude if they had chicken joints.

Chicken is now off my diet.

Men are some funny creatures, which is why sometimes women have a hard time understanding them. But don’t worry… with these helpful facts, any woman can understand even the most complex behavioral quirks of men, because trust me… they most definitely exist!

1. Men like to barbecue… but what most women don’t understand is WHY? Men love to barbecue because there is an element of danger to it. This adds a subconscious level of excitement to the activity, making it more appealing to even the most peace loving and domesticated of guys.

2. Men have it easier when it comes to buying bathing suits because for them there are only two types… there are cool ones and nerdy ones. They do not feel fat all the time… they are just more worried about the style.

3. Men want to read the newspaper first in the morning because they want to be abreast on what is going on. If you know what is going on in the world before they do, they feel inadequate. So, don’t be offended when he snatches up the newspaper first thing… he is just trying to fulfill his role as a masculine being.

4. Men are sensitive in different ways. If a man tries to build a fire out in the woods and fails, he does not consider the fact that all of the wood is wet… and no, you cannot console him by offering to use the five gallons of gas in the back of the truck. He feels like a failure because his inability to start a fire, to him, says that he is not capable of being the “man in charge”. He feels as if he cannot be depended upon.

So, good luck getting to know your guy better.