How lazy person. Even to laugh you are seeking others help.

Inhale N2O. and laugh on your own.

Or search for an accompany of mental hospital doctors.

hehe haha lola poga resa gale hito kale niso.......................................senseless laugh

Ha ha

Is that a picture of you in your avatar?

*insert evil laugh here

Something tells me Po's going "shopping". Bwah-hah-hah!

Oh, the pain!

divyasugar,far from being lazy,Po' is one of the nicest people here on WC and is very talented and creative.You should see some of the icons he makes for others.

(Wait until you see what he can do with Photoshop)

Wiz...don't spill the beans....I think Divya has really moved up *the list*

Divya....want a good link for some quickie lessons in Photoshop? You're gonna need it. LINK. Hope you're a quick study.

p.s. He's probably the best graphic artist on the site. If you want some Photoshopped pictures of him call me at 1-888-bigbux-4Doc.

A hurricane capsizes a cruise ship in the Caribbean. A stock broker washes ashore on a remote island. Outside of the beautiful scenery, a fresh water pool and bananas, there is little else.

One day, after several months have passed, a gorgeous woman in a small rowboat appears.

"Wow! I can't believe I found another person!" she exclaims. "Were you on the cruise ship, too?"

"Yes, I was," he answers. "Where did you get that rowboat?"

"Oh," she says, "I found it washed up on the beach. Where is your shelter?"

"To be honest, I've just been sleeping on the sand," he says.

She invites him to her side of the island. Once she's rowed them to her side, she ties up the boat with hand-woven rope. "It took forever to find enough washed up strands to braid that length of rope," she tells him.

She leads him to a cozy bungalow painted blue and green. "I scouted for felled trees and then stained the salvaged wood with these really juicy berries I found in the jungle," she tells him.

Once inside, she excuses herself to slip into something more comfortable. She returns wearing revealing silk lingerie, smiling provocatively.

"I found some washed up suitcases from the cruise ship a few weeks ago," she tells him. "But now that I've found you, I finally have a reason to wear something sexy again. Tell me, haven't you been lonely? Isn't there something that you really, really miss? Something you've been longing for, too?"

"Oh wow!" exclaims the man. "You mean you've found the Internet, too?!"

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY...

Have you ever wondered if the five dollar bills in your wallet were ever in a strippers's butt crack?

If not, you're wondering now.

Here's another one...

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
· Romance 9.5 and
· Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as
· NBA 5.0,
· NFL 3.0 and
· Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

· Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.


DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,
· Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
· Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
· If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 andFlowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
· Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
· Cooking 3.0 and
· Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!

Tech Support

Whew! He was merciful.

A cowboy was riding through an old abandoned canyon trail when he was captured by a group of ruthless banditos intent on killing him. In their drunkenness, they decided to go easy on him and grant him three requests.

For his first, he asked for his horse. He whispered something to his horse, who then rode off and returned with a beautiful woman. The cowboy spent the night with the woman.

The same thing happened the second day. But when the horse returned on the third day with another woman, the cowboy lost his temper and yelled "You stupid horse! I said 'posse!'"

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning
Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 8.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

 
Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0. - A 'Don't remind me again' button - Minimize button - An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources. - An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware probe feature to be much more useful.
I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with GirlFriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install GirlFriend 2.0 on top of GirlFriend 1.0. You must uninstall GirlFriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of GirlFriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for GirlFriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing that sucks - all versions of GirlFriend continually pop up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0

***** BUG WARNING ******** Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
*** BUG WORK-AROUNDS *************** To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have beenknown to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.

I knew there would be one! Nice find, Wizard!

I appreciate Uncle Po's artistic abilities and humor.

Yes Dear Uncle!

Can he do an uninstall with his photoshop?

Thanks I might need it in future.

I am as quick as a hare.. I can cover round the globe with hare's speed.

49 THINGS TO DO IN YOUR COMPUTER LAB

1.  Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh
my God!  They've found me!" and bolt.

2.  Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look
suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3.  When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you
can't get the damn thing to work.  After he/she's turned it on, wait 5
minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.

4.  Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

5.  Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen
than the one it's set up with.

6.  Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the
highest volume possible over & over again.

7.  Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something
on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.

8.  Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon
files.

9.  Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.

10.  Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

11.  Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say
"Just in case..." mysteriously.

12.  Type on VAX for a while.  Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at 
everything bad about your life.  Then stop and continue typing.

13.  Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're
crazy while typing.

14.  Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.

15.  Ask around for a spare disk.  Offer $2.  Keep asking until someone agrees.
Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."

16.  Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray
"Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.

17.  "DISK FIGHT!!!"

18.  Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you  (It helps if
you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).

19.  Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets.  Type by
hitting the keys with the straw.

20.  If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps
Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.

 21.  Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your
monitor.  Try to seduce it.  Act like it hates you and then complain loudly
that women (men) are worthless.

 22.  Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive, when it
doesn't work, get the supervisor.

23.  When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the 
smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.

24.  Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two
days later) say that all you wanted was one line.

25.  Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely.  After doing this
for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.

26.  Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to
grinding.  Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to
let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let
them linger.

27.  If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them
and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.

 28.  Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your
desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.

29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks.  Remove shoes and place
them of top of the monitor.  Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around
the monitor.  Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on
plastic.

30.  Take the keyboard and sit under the computer.  Type up your paper like
this.  Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working
 conditions.

31.  Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue
working.

32.  Bring som dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.

 33.  Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B
key is F sharp, etc.).  Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly.  Write an
entire pape this way.

 34.  Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.

 35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind
if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.

36.  Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.

 37.  When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the
old ways are best.

38.  Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.

39.  Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you
see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill
isn't affected).  Then look at your neighbor's keyboard.  Hit his/her delete
key several times, erasing an entire word.  While you do this, ask:  "Does
*your* delete key work?"  Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on
your keyboard.  Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your
neighbor's document.  Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been
hitting the space bar this whole time.  No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" 
Print out your document and leave.

40.  Remove your disk from the drive and hide it.  Go to the lab monitor and
complain that your computer ate your disk.  (For special effects, put some
Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive.  Claim that the computer is
drooling.)

 41.  Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst
out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly.  Keep laughing, ab your stuff and
leave, howling as you go.

 42. Point at the screen.  Chant in a made up language while making elaborate
hand gestures for a minute or two.  Press return or the mouse, then leap back
and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!"  peek up from under the table,  walk back to the
computer and say.  "Oh, good.  It worked this time,"  and calmly start to type
again.

 43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.

 44. See who's online.  Send a total stranger a talk request.  Talk to them
like you've known them all your lives.  Hangup before they geta chance to
figure out you're a total stranger.

 45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects.
Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.

 46. Pull out a pencil.  Start writing on the screen.  Complain that the lead
doesn't work.

 47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers
in your hair.  Smile incessantly.  Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim
"You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen.  Repeat this after every
sentence.  As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard.  Finally, hug your
neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.

 48.  Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly
sit down and begin to type.

 49.   Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev
that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give me that
computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the  next week".

    or you can do this.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Haaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha...ok shuttin' up...hehe.

And #50... where do I pick up my severance?