Don't Hit Anyone With That Monkey!
Things they don't tell you about parenthood.
Saturday, September 13, 2008 by messiah1 | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
If someone had told me 15 years ago that I would be saying things like "Don't hit anyone with that monkey!" I'd have said they were crazy. This is just one of the lines my wife and I have written down out of the hundreds and hundreds of things we say to our kids and then realize how crazy that just sounded. If you've got 1 or 2, share please.
*The incident involved a stuffed monkey that was being swung around at the other bipeds in the house.
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Reply #62 Wednesday, April 29, 2009 10:42 AM
"Just because you put your thumb in your mouth does not mean you have to put your finger in you nose! Now, go wash your hands."
- I said this to my son when he was simultaneously sucking his thumb and picking his nose. 
Reply #63 Wednesday, April 29, 2009 11:09 AM
He gets it from his father... 
Reply #64 Wednesday, April 29, 2009 11:16 AM
- I said this to my son when he was simultaneously sucking his thumb and picking his nose.
He gets it from his father...
You two are just great! I hope you're recording all this .... in album form for his future bride... 
Reply #65 Wednesday, April 29, 2009 11:23 AM
Now see, here is another instance of your kid going above and beyond. He's multi-tasking! Give this kid an extra piece of cake...and a second napkin.
Reply #66 Wednesday, April 29, 2009 12:19 PM
Right?! I keep trying to convince my wife, but she just doesn't see it that way! 
Reply #67 Wednesday, April 29, 2009 12:22 PM
Trust me, we'll have plenty of stories for the brides of our first two. And probably for the brides of all three, if our youngest follows suit. 
Reply #71 Saturday, November 7, 2009 6:56 PM
Well stop spillin the beer on it dad! 
Reply #72 Saturday, November 7, 2009 7:24 PM
While Driving home after picking Tirill (4) up from daycare
Me: Who did you play with today?
Tirill: Daniel
Me (jokingly): Is he your boyfriend?
Tirill: Not my boyfriend......we're just in love
Reply #73 Saturday, November 7, 2009 7:29 PM
At the mall, Tirill has to pee. I take her into the bathroom.
"Daddy why are the sinks so low in here" I explained that they were urinals and not for wshing ones hands.
Then spent 5 minutes convincing her that it wasn't possible for her to pee there!
Reply #74 Saturday, November 7, 2009 7:32 PM
adorable!
At least you didn't have to convince her the biscuit isn't candy.
Reply #75 Saturday, November 7, 2009 8:18 PM
"Stop saying 'Smell my butt'. I know you have a poopie."
"No, Daddy does not have a poopie. He has gas."
"No. No. Daddy's don't have boobies. They aren't boobies. Who taught you that word? Yes, That's my bellybutton. No, they are NOT boobies."
"Stop asking everyone to smell your butt!"
"No. No, Daddy doesn't want to smell the dollys butt."
"My feet don't stinky. How can you tell from over...Hey! We don't put the socks over our noses. Give me my sock. It's dirty. Give it...Journey...Get out of the hamper...yes, those are daddys undewrwear, but put them down...No, I don't want to smell them. I don't want to smell your butt. No. Now get out of the...Did you poopie? C'mere...c'mere...let me smell your butt."
Reply #76 Saturday, November 7, 2009 8:25 PM
Vice versa - My sister once asked.. "Why is that fat lady sitting on two chairs?"
at the doctors office [small] waiting room
She was 4.
Reply #77 Saturday, November 7, 2009 9:40 PM
Ah-ha! Finally.... an admission! I knew there was a personal motive for the Curried Cabbage WB. 
Hehe! No, they're man-boobs.
Kids!!!! Who'd have 'em. My daughter (now 28) chimed in with this beauty at a family gathering few weeks ago: "Dad! You'd take a bigger bra than me, wouldn't ya!"
GRRRRR!!!
Reply #78 Saturday, November 7, 2009 10:02 PM
Me with my 4-year-old, disciplining him for disobeying...
Me: Timmy, why did you disobey your mother?
Timmy: Because I love her.
Me: You disobeyed your mother because you love her?
Timmy: Yes.
Me: If you love Mommy, you won't disobey her. So why did you disobey?
Timmy: Because I disobeyed.
Me: Yes, but, why...?
Timmy: Because I did.
Me: 
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Reply #61 Saturday, April 25, 2009 10:20 PM
Son (whispering): Cake?!
Thats what I would have said...
Woulda thought you'd say, "Bananas?!"
Just wait 'til they discover sex and "How are babies made, Daddy?" Ahhh....the joys of explaining this to a kid....while your wife looks on and says innocently and oh, so sweetly (as my late wife did), "Yes Daddy, explain that to us."
.
I remember glancing at my back as I passed the hall mirror searching for the knife handle coming out of my back.