"What are you doing naked?!"

Said this to my 2-year-old the other day. Walked in the bathroom and found him as such.

Seems almost all of these have to do with my 2-year-old!

"You have to stop playing in the litterbox!"

   My son loves his cars, but man that's just nasty.  

"There's no time to pick your toes now! Get your boots on!"

Said to my 3 year old this morning as he was diligently trying to pick the sock lint out of his toes.

"Ha!  I'm so pleased to see that you're seeing first-hand what you put me through!!"... said earlier today to my now 30 y/o daugher, while her 4 y/o daughter threw a tantrum over something she couldn't have.

Me: "Don't do it."

Jake (2): "I do it."

Me: "Don't you dare do it!"

Jake: "I'm do it!"

Me: JACOB PHILIP!

Jake: hahahahahahahahahaahah

Ahhh...the joys of parenthood.

My youngest was ouside in the snow playing...looks up at the impossibly blue sky at a jet contrail and pointing at it

says, "Airpane daddy, AIRPANE!".

I came back into the house and told Anne (my friend) about it.

She replied, "About time, he's 28."

Well, munkeh...look at it like this: That was his first attempt at skinning.

Like, were you expecting a PSP? (Pee Shop Pro) 

I 'bout fell on the floor! Hilarious!

What th... MY PARENTS SAY THAT TO ME!

Yep....why grandkids and grandparents take so well to each other....they have a common enemy: The parents. LOL.

My wife whispered to my 3-year-old this afternoon:

Wife (whispering): Guess what's for dinner?

Son (whispering): What?

Wife (whispering): It's your favorite!

Son (whispering): Cake?!

Thats what I would have said...

I don't know if I've mentioned this before or not...I'm always saying to my boys "Where are your clothes?"  Or "Go put your clothes back on!" They both will strip down to the undies (diaper for Jake) and stay that way until made to put clothes back on.  Ethan is 4, Jake is 2 (has to be like big brother)  We call Ethan Chief Crazy No Pants.  Haven't come up with one for Jake yet.

My 18 month old grandson, Dominic, is like that, always stripping down to his barest minimum... and less.  A couple of days ago my daughter dressed him up real nice to go visit his other grandparents and strapped him into his car seat for the journey.  When they arrived my daughter discovered that he had somehow managed to take off all his clothes (nappy/diaper and all) while enroute.

Having never been able to unbuckle himself before, my daughter curiously asked him: "How did you manage this?" as she held up his clothes... and all she got was a "Hahahahaha." for her troubles.

It's still a mystery... Dominic has been asked to do it again (to see if he can unfasten his harness and somehow prevent it), but he sits there with a smug look on his face as if to say: "What, and tell you all my secrets!"

I committed this one to memory specifically for this thread.  While away in NY this past 2 weeks (no internet) my soon to be five year old son had this to say.  I'll set this up for you:

The dog has a stuffed animal chew toy that is a chicken.  Ethan picks it up by the neck and says...you guessed it.

"Look Dad!  I'm choking the chicken!"

I spewed Mt. Dew all over the place.

The only 'Monkey' related story I can think of, is my [soon to be] ex Husbands nickname.. 'Gorilla Boy'...   you may find yourself pondering this mystery.. but there's no need.. He's mean, ugly, primitive, and possibly suffers from a self-abuse [don't ask......] problem... there ya go.. my 'Monkey' story.

Here is a conversation I had with my 5-year-old yesterday about our beloved country:

Son: Dad, when can we go to America?

Me: We live in America.

Son: We do?

Me: Yes, we do. You see, we live in a house. That house is in a town. In which town do we live?

Son: Merrillville.

Me: Ok, and Merrillville is in which state?

Son: Indiana.

Me: America has 50 states. One of them is Indiana. Our house is in Merrillville, in Indiana, in America. So we are already in America. Get it?

Son: But Dad, when can we see the people of America?

Me:  

My 3-year-old got out of bed tonight to go to the bathroom. I was in my room working at the computer. He was on the pot.

Son: Daddy! I dropped a stinky out of my bottom!

Dad: Good job buddy!

I'll set this up:  We were packing the kids into the vehicle to come home from the park.  I noticed a piece of rope leftover from tying something down on the roof so I pulled out my trysty knife and sliced it off.

Ethan: Dad, were you going to cut Jacob

Me: Yeah, Ethan, I was going to fillet him like a fish, fry him up and eat him  (sarcasm totally lost on him)

Wife: Nice honey.  Then, (I don't know why she even said this) you know Ethan, it's not right to cut someone up and eat them

Ethan: Tastes like chik-in

I almost wet myself.