After my son tried toride his bike up the wall of the house ......

Stupidity hurts.....

WHAT THE??!!

Put your pants back on!  (scream that in the yard and think the neighbors don't think your family is WEIRD)

*my four year old has the household nickname "Chief Crazy No Pants".  We're working on it...

A typical conversations with the wife after I get home from work:

Me: "How were the kids today?"

Her: "Fine, Cheif Crazy No Pants made a spectacular appearance as biped # 2 was getting on the bus!"

Me: "HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Her: "It's not funny."

Me to CCNP: "High five!"

Sorry, Master Monkey! I didn't mean that how it sounded!

"Boys! Don't do that in front of the shed! Use the potty!" ~When my wife saw the boys going in the back yard.

"Son! No! No! No!" ~When my wife caught #2 going by the mailbox.

"Well, go behind the shed then!" ~me, when the lavatory was occupied.

Hehe!   Now if any of those flowers die.... their replacements come out of your pocket money.

No, son, that was NOT the dog!  - after he and a mate had a pissing contest to see who could get it farthest up the wall, and I had discovered the liquid cooling had shattered a light globe....

....sure he was a big dog (rottweiler big).... but not almost 7 foot up the wall big.

"Please take Stinky off the table."

*My youngest son attached himself to a blanket.  He takes it everywhere.  We have to wash it every other day because he drags it all over the place, outside, inside...we started calling it Stinky and it's stuck.  Ever see Mr. Mom? Yeah.

Boy, am I ever glad I read your explanation after seeing this!

"What were you thinking!?!"

I said this to my 2-year-old son once when he did something rediculously nonsensical. I have come to discover that most 2-year-olds don't usually think when they behave strangely.

Ya, I don't think they actually develop brains until about 4.  That's when they start to get ideas, like, oh, I don't know, say, taking off their clothes before playing in the dirt pile because he (er, I mean "they") doesn't want to get them dirty. 

Things we have to say to kids are really funny, but now that I am thinking about it, I have to tell you the funniest thing I ever heard a 4 year old say.

Ok, years ago when I was dating this girl, She had a 4 year old son. We were getting in the car to go somewhere. We both turned around looking at him in the back seat. He had his seatbelt on but his door was still open. So his mother asked if he should close his door first. He look at her with an innocent look and said. " No I want to keep it open so people can say 'Look at that Dumb Ass riding down the street with his door open'"

I looked at her and she gave her son a look like she was going to tear him a new one , but instead both her and I just started busting a gut. Man I laughed uncontrollably for a good 30 minutes

If you expect me to clean up that mess after you... at least show me where you hid the mop and bucket.  Said to my then 6 y/o daughter who was play cooking on the kitchen floor... doll set utensils, real ingredients.

"That is not chocolate. That's stinky.. ewwww get in the bathroom. Listen to me- there will never be chocolate in the bathroom, so if it looks like chocolate, don't touch it!"

Said to my two year old when he came out of the bathroom excited about the "chocolate" on his finger.

My then two year old painted a picture on his sisters dresser with "chocolate".  The dresser is gone.

saying to my three boys this room looks like a pig sty.them:what does a pig sty look like ? me:just like this room and if you don't clean it they are going to be sharing it with you

MG, precisely my reaction.  I've seen and smelled things in my 12 years as a parent that I don't even want to talk about.

Maybe it's convenient forgetfulness, but I don't seem to remember doing this sort of thing to my parents! At least not at this (toddler) age. Now at the baby age, that's another story. My parents tell me of something I did that they refer to as "The machine gun."

when my middle son was 2 years old my husband hadn't locked the door my little one pushed right in stuck his hand under while my husband was going and proceeded to say boy thats hot .i washed his hands for over an hour lol do you think he was finished oh no i was then asked why dads was bigger all i could say was go ask your father

"Stop licking your shirt!"

I said this to my 2-year-old this morning at breakfast. I'm still not quite sure why he was doing it. I suppose he must have spilled milk on his shirt...