I am Ron Jeremy of Borg... after many, many years in the porn industry, and probably wearing it out, I'm off to Cuba for a free implant to replenish my poor weary implant.

I am Bill Clinton of Borg... hold up there Ron, wait for me.  It's probably all psychological after that Monica scandal brought me down, but I could use one of them free implants, to help me get back on the horse, if ya know what I mean.

I am Tiger Woods of Borg... they say I have 10 mistresses, but little do they know.... I have 18, cos I like to play a 'round' once in a while.

I'm Tiger Woods of Borg and got a driver implanted at both ends by my wife!

I am Elin Woods of Borg... well that'll be the last time Tiger plays 18 holes... I'm going for his implant in the divorce settlement.

i am ice of borg...........close the bloody door

I am Dripping of Borg.... and turn on the bloody air-con while you're at it  (tis near 38c here today)

I am Doc of Borg... (doing my best Clinton impersonation here) I did NOT... I reapeat DID NOT prescribe Tiger Woods Viagra.

I am Misstress of Borg... Tiger doesn't need Viagra.  He has a military implant!!  He only has to think assimilation and it's standing to attention.

I am Arnold Palmer of Borg... Geez, that Yiger Woods is Lucky!!  Back in my day I assimilated my sorrows with a whiskey at the 19th when the first 18 holes didn't work out.

I am Jack Nicklaus of Borg.... actually, Tiger Woods told me his secret to successful putting... he imagines the hole with a bit of hair around it.

LOL    i used to be lucrezia borg(ia) of borg - but i poisoned everyone so no one to assimilate

I am Doc of Borg. I misunderstood when Tiger mentioned 'clubbing' and waited outside for an hour!

I am Tiger Woods of Borg... I'll say you misunderstood.  You were supposed to come into the locker room, change into a sabretooth tiger skin loin cloth and come clubbing a few wayward women with me.

I am Elin Woods of Borg... there, that proves it, you are a Neanderthal!!!

I am a Tiger's Bimbo of Borg... I really wanted to impress Tiger with my golf skills, so went to the course professional for lessons.  He wanted to see my form and asked me to tee up and fire away, but when I did a divot flew down the main fairway while my ball remained on the tee: "That's hopeless!!!" he said, and asked if I was really seeing Tiger. I said "yes" he said that I was doing it all wrong, that I should hold the club like I'd hold Tiger's sex organ.  Well i tee'd up and ended up with a hole in one... to which he said: "That was fantastic, but I want you to do it again... only this time, take the club out of your mouth and hold it in your hands."

well done guys - i needed a good laugh and u have made my day  

I'm glad we were able to tickle your funny bone, loukeeya... so keep on laughing, eh!

I am Greenkeeper of Borg... to promote an upcoming ladies tournament I had to use coloured line marking paints to create a woman around the hole on each green.... and you'll never guess what I caught Tiger Woods doing on the 18th.

I am Snowbound of Borg...Tiger's hole in one wasn't because he forgot how to putt it in. Too many after hours clubs and bimbos abounding. Hey...my shovel broke! Quick...starkers of Borg...send one thissaway...hurry...we're gettin' all...glub...glub...glub.

Uvah! Hi mate!!!!!  

Long time wanted to see ya around!

Tiger sends his regards:

I am Tag Hauer of Borg... we have dropped our sponsorship deal with Tiger Woods because he was using our watches to time the duration of his infidelities.

I am Nike of Borg... we are sticking by Tiger Woods and have a new promotion for our running shoes: "Wear Nike runners like Tiger and you'll catch dozens of women, too!"

I am Jack Daniels of Borg... given how much Tiger Woods is drinking to drown his sorrows these days, maybe we could strike up a sponsorship deal to promote safe sex through 'distillers droop'.

I am Elin Woods of Gorg... well I don't care about any of this sponsorship stuff.  I'm divorcing Tiger for every hole he played after the 18th.

I am Bill Clinton of Borg... before you sever all ties, Elin, do you think that you could snaffle Tiger's little black book and pass it on to me?

I am Rachel Uchitel Of Borg, with regard to those Tiger affair allegations I previously denied, the sex tapes are now available in time for Christmas at 'tigerhole-in-one@shameless_floosie.com'

I'm Rachel Uchitel of Borg.....changing the Uchitel to 'I'llNeverTell'. 

I am Elin Woods of Borg.... you didn't need to tell, you, you bitch!!!  When Tiger's underwear reeked of home-wrecking bimbo, I knew it was you.

I am Paris Hilton of Borg... hey Rachel, how come you're getting to sell your sex tape??  Mine was all over the internet before I could even set a price.

I am Britney Spears.... dunno wot you're bitching about, Paris, Justin said my sex tape was so vile it'd make the internet throw up.

I am Santa Claus of Borg... if I'm a little late getting to your place this year, I had a slight misfortune. Was going ho, ho, ho down somebody's chimney, thought about the lassies at my next visit, which got me a little excited and I was firmly wedged by my implant halfway down.

I'm the neighbor of 'Santa Claus of Borg': He didn't get wedged in the chimney. I gave him a wedgie and he ain't makin' it this year.