Anyone care to talk to a very distraught member?
Wednesday, January 28, 2004 by crissy14 | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
I haven't been around much lately. I've been lurking the board every now and then but haven't had much courage stamina to talk. A couple of days ago a crisis situation arose with an immediate family member. When I say crisis, I mean CRISIS. And out of this horrible situation came a revelation of something that he (this family member)endured as a little boy at age eight. 
I certainly can not go into detail, but beleive me when I tell you that this whole senerio is the worst imaginable thing. On top of all this, one of my former patients who I took care of for 19 years passed away suddenly Sunday. I am beside myself! I feel grief, anger, rage,hate, lonliness, confusion.... The proper and all imaginable steps to get help for this person are being taken. But I still feel helpless againt all this. I am grief sticken for this person. I have a strong/close knit family, (four brothers, two sisters, and father), but since my Mom passed away in 1993, I being the eldest daughter, have been looked upon as sort of the "mother figure" for the rest. I have always been a "strong" person and usually able to stand up againt just about anything, but this one has brought me to my knees. Yesterday I called a crisis hotline and cried my eyes out to a woman on the other end for over an hour. I have joined a couple of on-line groups and I am speaking with other people in similar situations. I need to re-gain some stregnth so I can better help the situation. I know this community here at WC is a "virtual community" without the tangible and physical aspects, but I also know that there are a lot of very caring people here. And I thought maybe I could "pour my heart out" to some of you. Please don't feel like you have to respond to this (unless you truley want to), Im just venting. P.s If admins feel that this post has no place on this board, then just delete it.
I certainly can not go into detail, but beleive me when I tell you that this whole senerio is the worst imaginable thing. On top of all this, one of my former patients who I took care of for 19 years passed away suddenly Sunday. I am beside myself! I feel grief, anger, rage,hate, lonliness, confusion.... The proper and all imaginable steps to get help for this person are being taken. But I still feel helpless againt all this. I am grief sticken for this person. I have a strong/close knit family, (four brothers, two sisters, and father), but since my Mom passed away in 1993, I being the eldest daughter, have been looked upon as sort of the "mother figure" for the rest. I have always been a "strong" person and usually able to stand up againt just about anything, but this one has brought me to my knees. Yesterday I called a crisis hotline and cried my eyes out to a woman on the other end for over an hour. I have joined a couple of on-line groups and I am speaking with other people in similar situations. I need to re-gain some stregnth so I can better help the situation. I know this community here at WC is a "virtual community" without the tangible and physical aspects, but I also know that there are a lot of very caring people here. And I thought maybe I could "pour my heart out" to some of you. Please don't feel like you have to respond to this (unless you truley want to), Im just venting. P.s If admins feel that this post has no place on this board, then just delete it.
wulfn1
Reply #2 Wednesday, January 28, 2004 12:29 PM
Reply #2 Wednesday, January 28, 2004 12:29 PM
feel free to vent. if you need a sounding board that is a listener, you're welcome to write me.or im me.
Im is wulfn1 on aim and for msmsgr it's [email protected].
I understand what it feels like to have things that need to be said but no one to say them to for fear of making matters worse.
No need to go into detail about any difficulties. I know it's the talking and the listening that's important.
Meanwhile, I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, as well as the family members of both people you mentioned.
Im is wulfn1 on aim and for msmsgr it's [email protected].
I understand what it feels like to have things that need to be said but no one to say them to for fear of making matters worse.
No need to go into detail about any difficulties. I know it's the talking and the listening that's important.
Meanwhile, I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, as well as the family members of both people you mentioned.
goodmorphing
Reply #3 Wednesday, January 28, 2004 12:56 PM
Reply #3 Wednesday, January 28, 2004 12:56 PM
Hey Crissy. First of all, friends are friends virtual or otherwise. The on-line experiences you have with people are valid. So is the need to reach out for comfort and understanding.
You are dealing with a lot, and are in a position where you are looked on as someone who everyone else can look to for comfort, courage, advice... That can indeed make you feel alone. However, you can't remain for long in a position where all that energy is flowing outward without some coming back to you. You do need that to stay healthy and strong. You will need that for quite some time, by the sounds of it. Do not question your need, nor your act of self preservation by seeking to fill it. You have enough going on without the added pressure of self-doubt. We are, after all, a community. And stuff like this is why communities (virtual or not) shine. OK?
That being said, there are things that you may need that we cannot offer. We can't, for instance, reach out and (((HUG))) you... hard though may we try. We cannot walk beside you that way, and I hope you have someone like that as well (professional or otherwise).
Losing someone you cared for for so long is a hard blow, as is finding out about the other situation. How helpless and hopeless you must feel! Take heart in the knowledge that this moment will soon be followed by the next, hour by hour, day by day, week by week will progress forward. No grief nor loss can stop that progress. And time is surely a healing thing. Always.
I don't know the whys and wherefors of everything, but if you cared for someone, nursed them along, for that long it implies that something was wrong for them and perhaps you can see that they are free now? (Though that will not diminish your pain, I know.) And that your family member has come to the point where this disclosure was made might really be a sign of progress for they no longer carry this burden alone. Rough though it may be, a burden shared is one lightened. And time, that all healing process, marches on for them as well.
You are dealing with a lot, and are in a position where you are looked on as someone who everyone else can look to for comfort, courage, advice... That can indeed make you feel alone. However, you can't remain for long in a position where all that energy is flowing outward without some coming back to you. You do need that to stay healthy and strong. You will need that for quite some time, by the sounds of it. Do not question your need, nor your act of self preservation by seeking to fill it. You have enough going on without the added pressure of self-doubt. We are, after all, a community. And stuff like this is why communities (virtual or not) shine. OK?
That being said, there are things that you may need that we cannot offer. We can't, for instance, reach out and (((HUG))) you... hard though may we try. We cannot walk beside you that way, and I hope you have someone like that as well (professional or otherwise).
Losing someone you cared for for so long is a hard blow, as is finding out about the other situation. How helpless and hopeless you must feel! Take heart in the knowledge that this moment will soon be followed by the next, hour by hour, day by day, week by week will progress forward. No grief nor loss can stop that progress. And time is surely a healing thing. Always.
I don't know the whys and wherefors of everything, but if you cared for someone, nursed them along, for that long it implies that something was wrong for them and perhaps you can see that they are free now? (Though that will not diminish your pain, I know.) And that your family member has come to the point where this disclosure was made might really be a sign of progress for they no longer carry this burden alone. Rough though it may be, a burden shared is one lightened. And time, that all healing process, marches on for them as well.
I.R. Brainiac
Reply #4 Wednesday, January 28, 2004 4:38 PM
Reply #4 Wednesday, January 28, 2004 4:38 PM
Crissy lady,you can email me and I will give you my icq #. 
Jafo
Reply #5 Wednesday, January 28, 2004 4:41 PM
Reply #5 Wednesday, January 28, 2004 4:41 PM
Crissy.... [email protected] ....I listen well...
Just don't head your email with 'Hi' as I'm being spammed with virii at the moment...
IPlural
Reply #6 Wednesday, January 28, 2004 5:36 PM
Reply #6 Wednesday, January 28, 2004 5:36 PM
crissy if you still need or want someone to talk with about what the family member experienced and possibly some insight into what it can lend to growing up and in later years, let me know?
I've a bit of personal experience in that, if it is what I am thinking you mean...
It's diffrent for everyone up to a point, and it is really different when it is a boy in comparison to a girl. Also, if it is a male who did this to a boy or if it was a female who did this.
ahhh...
anyway...
If I can help you understand even just a little and you feel it would help I can get that personal and into my past in private...
iplural @ wackybobo.com
[Message Edited]
I've a bit of personal experience in that, if it is what I am thinking you mean...
It's diffrent for everyone up to a point, and it is really different when it is a boy in comparison to a girl. Also, if it is a male who did this to a boy or if it was a female who did this.
ahhh...
anyway...
If I can help you understand even just a little and you feel it would help I can get that personal and into my past in private...
iplural @ wackybobo.com
[Message Edited]
WebGizmos
Reply #7 Thursday, January 29, 2004 12:30 AM
Reply #7 Thursday, January 29, 2004 12:30 AM
Crissy...Anytime you need someone to vent to or that will listen without being judgmental you are more than welcome to click on my nic and write to me. I have experienced some difficulties in my lifetime and have come through them no worse for wear. I have been waging a 12 year custody battle in 2 countries and have gone through numerous emotional battles. So you could say I have some expeience in dealing with life's unpleasantries. So feel free to write any time. If there is one thing I've learned in life...is that it goes on. And with help of others you "will" pull through this. 
Koasati
Reply #8 Thursday, January 29, 2004 12:37 AM
Reply #8 Thursday, January 29, 2004 12:37 AM
| First of all, friends are friends virtual or otherwise. |
I totally agree.
You can add me to the list as well.
Sugaree
Reply #9 Thursday, January 29, 2004 12:45 AM
Reply #9 Thursday, January 29, 2004 12:45 AM
Crissy, It looks like you have pleanty of people to talk to, so I'll just tell you here ...My heart goes out to you and yours. You're in my prayers.
Bones2112
Reply #10 Thursday, January 29, 2004 12:58 AM
Reply #10 Thursday, January 29, 2004 12:58 AM
I'm a little late but give me a email if you want to From what you have mentioned, I have had similar experiences as well, like your family member. If you want to talk about it write me, I'm a very good listener
From what you have mentioned, I have had similar experiences as well, like your family member. If you want to talk about it write me, I'm a very good listener
Flamedog
Reply #11 Thursday, January 29, 2004 4:51 AM
Reply #11 Thursday, January 29, 2004 4:51 AM
Well well, you can add me to your list too. Either email me or you can find me on ICQ.
Hope to see you online soon
Hope to see you online soon
crissy14
Reply #12 Thursday, January 29, 2004 11:11 AM
Reply #12 Thursday, January 29, 2004 11:11 AM
OMG! Thank you all for all the offers to chat/listen. Unfortunately, I havent had the time to take any of you up on your offers. This is the first time I've been back on this board since I posted this thread. Things are chaotic right now. I dont think I have ever felt this much grief and helplessness in all my life. But just the thought that so many of you are willing to try to ease the pain just a bit is so very comforting. More than you'll ever know. And thank GOD I have a very understanding and supportive husband. I have a feeling things are gonna get worse before they get better (GOD, how can things get any worse?) And then the healing process can begin.
dune2996
Reply #14 Thursday, January 29, 2004 4:46 PM
Reply #14 Thursday, January 29, 2004 4:46 PM
Well the community here is wonderful, please feel free to contact me anytime, I`m going through a lot too at the moment and you should know its not just today but any day, (I`m sure we would all love to help where we can).
My Father had a stroke and lost his memory recently, I`ve had several heart attacks, my Uncle died and picking up those pieces can be hard....so e-mail us and we will help...
PS things do get better !
My Father had a stroke and lost his memory recently, I`ve had several heart attacks, my Uncle died and picking up those pieces can be hard....so e-mail us and we will help...
PS things do get better !
Sloegin
Reply #15 Friday, January 30, 2004 3:02 AM
Reply #15 Friday, January 30, 2004 3:02 AM
I work in the Psych field and I am very familliar (sp?) with what you're going through. Keep your friends close, and don't be afraid to reach out as you've done here. As you can see, there are so many compassionate and understanding people that are willing to give of themselves without reservation...and that can be a great source of comfort. Along with everyone here, you are in my prayers and my thoughts!
Keila
Reply #16 Friday, January 30, 2004 9:12 AM
Reply #16 Friday, January 30, 2004 9:12 AM
Crissy, I am so sorry to hear this is all happening in your life right now. I was also not at all surprised at the support you received by posting this thread, this is a wonderful group of people we have here. Yes, family is a good word to use for it. I am adding my support in anyway I can help. In the mean time you try very hard to keep your self relaxed as much as possible.
XP crazy
Reply #17 Friday, January 30, 2004 10:33 AM
Reply #17 Friday, January 30, 2004 10:33 AM
Crissy, my prayers are with you,and I am a good listner too. I'm sure nothing anyone say's at the moment will make things better for you because it takes time to heal. Just to let you know I'm thinking of you
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Reply #1 Wednesday, January 28, 2004 12:23 PM
I would be happy to talk.