Joke Thread
Friday, November 21, 2003 by SelfExiled | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
I just thought I'd start a new thread for it. Here's the start.
THOSE FLORIDA DRIVERS
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake.
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time...but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
THOSE FLORIDA DRIVERS
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake.
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time...but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
Old_Crab
Reply #2 Friday, November 21, 2003 4:14 AM
Reply #2 Friday, November 21, 2003 4:14 AM
The Old Crab don't know no real jokes. I do like to play pranks though. I'll start a real panic. Hey, did you hear that the servers are choking on the MSGBD Marathon Thread and that they're thinking about locking it. Now watch a bunch of people get real panicky. >
SelfExiled
Reply #3 Friday, November 21, 2003 4:26 AM
Reply #3 Friday, November 21, 2003 4:26 AM
Well, I guess you squashed my joke marathon. I'll go back to working on my new WB skin. But, you can't download it when I'm through, Old Crab. 
Old_Crab
Reply #4 Friday, November 21, 2003 4:36 AM
Reply #4 Friday, November 21, 2003 4:36 AM
Alright. I'll make my own then. Now that's a real joke! I can hear everyone laughing now! >
kona0197
Reply #5 Friday, November 21, 2003 10:31 AM
Reply #5 Friday, November 21, 2003 10:31 AM
https://www.wincustomize.com/msgboard.asp?BID=WC&id=94189
I would think one is enough....
I would think one is enough....
digital_k
Reply #6 Friday, November 21, 2003 12:05 PM
Reply #6 Friday, November 21, 2003 12:05 PM
Blonde starts microwave to heat up her hairspray...Microwave catches on fire and she calls the fire dept, telling them to get to her home asap because of the fire, just as she was about to hang up...the dispatcher says "M'am how do we get to your location?" Blonde rolls eyes and says " DUH!!!!...The firetruck!", then hangs up. (dumb joke, I know )
)
lalfonsob
Reply #8 Friday, November 21, 2003 1:57 PM
Reply #8 Friday, November 21, 2003 1:57 PM
#7 by Orion - 11/21/2003 12:17:30 PM
I would think one is enough....
I agree...
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Why? I like jokes!
[Message Edited]
I would think one is enough....
I agree...
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Why?
I like jokes![Message Edited]
kona0197
Reply #9 Friday, November 21, 2003 9:14 PM
Reply #9 Friday, November 21, 2003 9:14 PM
then go read and post in the other thread. this one will probably get locked.
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Reply #1 Friday, November 21, 2003 4:07 AM
1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
4. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOR listens.
5. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
6. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
7. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
8. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That's true, son... but not just in ancient China..it's true EVERYWHERE!!!
9. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
10. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
11. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
12. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
13. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
14. "I married Miss Right, I just didn't know her first name was Always."
15. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
16. It's true that losing a wife can be hard. But, in my case, it was almost impossible.
17. A man was complaining to a friend: "I HAD IT ALL - MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POOF! IT WAS ALL GONE." "WHAT HAPPENED?" asked his friend. He says "MY WIFE FOUND OUT."
18. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
19. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
20. They say women in the U.S. have a longer life expectancy than men . . . I think we just choose to die sooner!