Family Feud or Dear Abby?

Dirty Laundry?

Thursday, February 16, 2012 by RedneckDude | Discussion: Everything Else

OK, guys, I have a question. One which seems simple to me, but I would like some other viewpoints on it.

My son came to live with my current wife and I when he was 14. My wife can't have kids, so she was elated to have one in the home.

However, he didn't stay long. He wanted to go back to the people who raised him, my brother and his wife. I saw this coming. I knew he would be homesick for the only parents he ever knew.  He threatened suicide and I didn't want to risk whether or not he was serious, so he went back to his "parents". He has always been somewhat of a problem child.  This hurt my wife badly, she took it as rejection and now can't stand my son.

 

FFWD to present day. My son is now 17. He wants to come spend the weekend. My wife hates the idea and constantly reminds me of how much she detests him.

 

He is my son, after all, and she hurts me by acting the way she does.

 

My question:

Do I allow my wife to ban my child from coming here?

Is it right for her to say hurtful things to me about my son when I already know how she feels?

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RedneckDude
Reply #21 Friday, February 17, 2012 12:01 AM

Families.....aka....'shit happens'.

Especially in redneck families.  One doesn't know how it feels to lose two sons and a wife, unless they've lived it.  I had hoped for a second chance to prove I can be a father to my sons. I guess that may still happen, just from a distance....dunno.

 

I do need to support my wife though. She is the one I hope to spend eternity with.

 

 

Guys, thanks for the input. I believe it'll work out.

 

Between the words here, and some PMs, I have an idea on how to proceed. 

 

Still, if you feel like commenting, go ahead. More views on a subject can sometimes present things that were overlooked before. Seems some of you have some good insight into these things.

 

 

 

Jafo
Reply #22 Friday, February 17, 2012 5:22 AM

RedneckDude
I do need to support my wife though. She is the one I hope to spend eternity with.

Just remember that bit....it's important...

If you want to talk with a quasi-sentient human....I often fake being one fairly well...

StevenRLynchAbundanceThatIAM
Reply #23 Friday, February 17, 2012 7:18 AM

I wish you the best, RedneckDude.  These things are never easy!

Btw: good one Jafo.

DaveRI
Reply #24 Friday, February 17, 2012 7:40 AM

RedneckDude
Maybe I should just tell him that my wife still has issues and until it's settled, maybe best he gives her time.

That makes a lot of sense to me.

Vampothika
Reply #25 Friday, February 17, 2012 8:54 AM

he is your son, she should know better and let him come to you. if she loves you she should also love your son no matter how he acted that time years ago.

put your foot down and tell her he is your son, you love him and he is coming to stay. 2 days isnt going to kill her.

and i speak from experience...

my father was supposed to have me to visit, for four school holidays a year, but because my step mother just didnt like me for no reason what so ever, i only got to see him once a year at christmas, from the age of 9 until 16. so i never got to know him very well.

i lost time with him, he lost time with me, everyone lost.

PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN

i may be old fashioned, but the husband is the master of the home, not the wife.

 

 

Jafo
Reply #26 Friday, February 17, 2012 9:39 AM

Vampothika
i may be old fashioned, but the husband is the master of the home, not the wife.

Good luck with that, Kitty.

I always thought you lived in an entirely alternate universe.....

IROKONESS
Reply #27 Friday, February 17, 2012 10:13 AM

Your blood will always be your blood. You cannot divorce them. You already have a one under your belt. You could wind up divorced again. Not having anything to do with your children. 

I'm with Vampothica. Don't give up on him. That's what he's feeling. That leads to acting out. To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. In the long run you will regret this decision. There is no love greater than our children's. Unconditional. Constant. Total.

Frankly I don't understand how you can say no to him. Ultimately it is your choice.

If she don't like it. Bye Bye. She might surprise you.

I haven't spoken to my sister in years. And could care less but, if my child wouldn't talk to me I think I'd die. 

I don't understand at all.....

Tasunke
Reply #28 Friday, February 17, 2012 10:19 AM

Well, I had a cousin whose father didn't communicate with her for years because his 2nd wife didn't like (my cousin).

Then suddenly he wanted to talk with her at her college graduation. Yea, that didn't happen. (its a permanent break by this point).

 

I'd say, whether you allow him to visit or not, keep in close contact.

StevenRLynchAbundanceThatIAM
Reply #29 Friday, February 17, 2012 10:22 AM

I agree.

Jeff T
Reply #30 Friday, February 17, 2012 11:27 AM

Dear Abby

 

 

 

RedneckDude
Reply #31 Friday, February 17, 2012 12:26 PM

Vampothika
i may be old fashioned, but the husband is the master of the home, not the wife.

LOL...yeah, my sister told me to grow a pair.  

 

But I feel like there should be no master at home. When we wed, we became one. It is more of a partnership. I am a firm beleiver in equal rights.

k10w3
Reply #32 Friday, February 17, 2012 12:26 PM

Vampothika
i may be old fashioned, but the husband is the master of the home, not the wife.

I don't think we need to hear about your kinky sex games, Kitty.   No seriously, if anybody is the master in my home, it's me, but I'm a benevolent dictator, so it's not so ball crushing to my spouse.

RedneckDude
Reply #33 Friday, February 17, 2012 12:27 PM

IROKONESS
Your blood will always be your blood. You cannot divorce them. You already have a one under your belt. You could wind up divorced again.

Try two. First wife is deceased. Second wife, mother of my kids, is in prison for murder.

 

I made it out alive!!!   hehe

IROKONESS
Reply #34 Friday, February 17, 2012 3:42 PM

Well congrats on that. haha    I am obviously out of my element.     You have to do what's right for you Red. Then you can share it. 

Don't give up on him though. Stay in contact as much as possible. What you want and can envision for you and your son, make it so.

All my best wishes to you and yours.  

 

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