coming here and telling your story is being strong  

well.... I remember you saying you took early retirement because of high blood pressure.... so best to be guided by your doctor.... no doubt this kind of trauma will be playing havoc with it...

good to hear.....

let's not turn this into a who believes and who doesn't believe and why....everyone will have their own individual advice....and the focus here is lou's issues... 

It will certainly be a relief with a positive outcome.... but I still hope they offer you continuing counselling to put this behind you faster.... 

The things I have endured are only minor in comparison to what you have suffered, but one thing I do know is that receiving justice for that which was done against you is an important part of closure and moving on, so try to view this upcoming court procedure as the final chapter of this unpleasant part of your life.  Once justice is served, a huge weight will seem to have risen from your shoulders and you will be able to move on with the rest of your life.

As for trying to become angry, you don't need to.  The truth is all you need to put this bastard behind bars where he belongs, and the strength will come to you when the time comes.  The police will guide and support you every step of the way... and as Webgizmos says, after 20 years they must obviously care.

I wish you all the help and support you need to get through this, and when people say forgiveness should not be given, it is another important part of your healing.  It is not easy because of the suffering and pain he inflicted, but if you can find some forgiveness in your heart it will help you to let it all go more easily.  It may sound silly, but believe me, it's what I had to do to eventually find the inner peace that had evaded me after I was assaulted.

Anyhow, I'm sure the counselors will assist you through all this and that you will be fine.  All the best to you, loukeeya, and may peace and happiness find you.

my point is....let's keep this positive and keep the focus where it deserves to be...not turn it into a debate about religion or other's comments.... and get off track..... as WC threads are prone to do....

Lou I debated in my own mind if I would write something here. Because of the nature of what you have shared it is not easy to find appropriate words. What I wish to say to you is this. Many people will offer their opinions and advice on what they think you should do to move on. People mean well and and have good intentions when they do. I am not going to tell you what I think you should do to get closure on this so you can move on with your life. The reason why I will not is because I am not you. I do not know or can I relate in anyway with your terrible experience.

I do know however what it is like to be locked in an internal prison for over 30 years because of verbal and physical abuse of a father. It kept me from being me and living and experiencing life in a positive way.

Lou forgiveness is a choice but I do not think anyone can blame you for not being able to forgive. I do not know if I would be able too if I was in your shoes. It took me 25 years to forgive my father but when I did forgive him a big weight was lifted off my shoulders. The prisons walls I was locked up in came crumbling down. I chose to forgive him not because he was my father but because I finally realized it was needed for me to move on and get back what was stolen from me.

My heart goes out to you Lou. I hope and pray that somehow your heart will be healed. I will be thinking and praying for you.

Ken

I wasn't deminishing Lou's feelings at all. I was thinking of her feelings, it's not easy to forgive, but forgiveness, as I said, is not for the offender, it's for her sake. I'm focusing on Lou publicly, not privately! She needs to know that people care about her and not argue over faith and belief! What a horrible thing to focus on K10w3!

Loukeeya, I don't know what you have gone through, but just know this. I care about you! I'm not trying to preach to you or anything like that, but knowing someone is praying for you, whether you believe or not, is a good thing. So please, just know you're not alone! We all love you!

i have to say you have all shown me that there is so much goodness and kindness in ppl, i have always known in my heart that there were many good ppl - i just happened to cross paths with one of lifes not so nice ppl. you have all given me strength and i value each and every one of you. today i woke up feeling calmer and stronger, i am hoping that the initial shock has passed and that now i can move forward with strength.

a big part of me felt guilty for bringing this here but i hope you will understand what desperation can do. i have got thru many bad times with humour, i know this is not a humourous subjects but i crave sillyness and slapstick - perhaps i should watch some silly film and just laugh for an hour or so.

words really cannot express how you have all made me feel, but i no longer feel alone

well...after 20 years..... it would be a massive shock..... calmer and stronger sounds like a good frame of mind to be in..... keep it up....   he'll soon be doing mail order soap-on-a-rope.... 

a problem shared is a problem halved.....

good idea..... or.....you could try laughing yoga....... 

Glad you're in a better frame of mind!

@Syd! That really creeped me out Syd! And lou thinks she has problems!

am not sure wether to laugh or cry, that laughing yoga was just too much. surely he isnt for real? lol makes me look like the most sane normal person on the planet  but thanxs syd i appreciate that gesture - so far so good today have only cried twice, its a start

No forgiveness for SydneySiders! None!

She has "Trident" and I don't!

One of the unfortunate side effects of modern technology's ability to solve cold cases is the fact that it will open old wounds and bring back memories best forgotten.  None the less, you need to pursue justice here both for yourself and anyone else this criminal may have hurt. Unknown others may have also been victimized by this person but you may be the only link to proving guilt. Be strong, and good luck. 

 You have lived with the consequences of this criminal act for decades, now it is the perpetrators turn to also deal with the consequences.

your right wizard, 20 yrs ago the police dealing with me said there had been 20 other rapes, one poor lady was murdered. i will persue it for them and for me.  thankyou all for giving me hope, i know this isnt easy to hear about or read about but i do thankyou all for the comfort you have given me

Take this little guy with you......

He'll do the laughing while you send that jerk to his just desserts with no ice cream. We're with you all the way love. Hang in there.

well today i saw victim support, they were so nice. they will be with me from start to finish. they did warn me that it could take a few months to come to trial coz there are other victims.  it doesnt bear thinking about but i know i will find the strength when i most need it

i have been shown so much kindness, i am not used to kindness and its quite strange but it has made a huge difference. i am not gonna comment anymore til its over but i thankyou all from the bottom of my heart   

well... you comment any time you feel like it lou.... we'll be right here if you need some company or need to sound off..... we're along for this ride til they turn that key.....

glad victim support has been such a positive experience for you.....and it's good..... (in a way) that there are other victims.... will take that intense focus off you a little bit..... rather than you being the one and only it hinged on....

you'll be fine.....      you're sounding stronger all the time.....      

well i have to be honest the last couple of days have been tough, have been so close to just ending it. i cant even  cycle now coz am so distracted i keep veering in the middle of the road. i spent several hours sitting in my bath with a razor blade and couldnt find the courage to do it. god knows am trying to be strong but i just cant. the thought of the trial is bad enough, having to be moved with a new identity away from my friends is not helping. its ironic that in the 21st century there is no specific support for ppl like me who have been thru what i have. oh there is rape crisis but i dont count because i am not female. there is survivors  uk for men who have been raped - so its down to me and my close friends to try and make sense of it all. victim support are very kind and supportive so are the police but this is just showing me how society really feels about ppl like me. i have had a lot of kindness from ppl over the past few days, i find that hard to cope with coz am not used to kindness. no wonder i have always been so antaganostic to authority-i know that even in court i am gonna be judged for being me, i am gonna do my best to get thru it but i dont think i am gonna get the peace after that i hope for

Now, now, self-harm is not the answer.  You've been harmed more than enough as it is, so please, put those thoughts away and focus on moving forward with your life.  Draw on the support of your friends and you will find that you do have the strength and courage to get through this.  Also, kindness is something that is given freely by people who care, so accept it in the spirit it is given and you will find that it is not that difficult to cope with at all.  Think of it like this, people do not offer kindness if they don't care... and you must be important to these people in that they've been there for you.

I do wish you all the best with it and remember, you are important and have every right to peace of mind.  Chin up and stiff upper lip, right?

I'm sure you will go through a roller coaster of ups and downs until this is over...and after....but the main thing to focus on.... is taking this person... who ignored your rights... by assaulting you..... and removing his rights.... to have the freedom of our society.... to give you the closure to start to heal.... harming yourself, just means he is still in control... gotta leave those notions behind.... talk to your counsellor about it... they are the best people to help you through....

A start to not being judged for 'being you'... is to walk into that courtroom with your head held high.... expecting.... to be judged as any other human being..... don't look as if you expect to be treated any differently..

Of course.... it's easy for us to coach from the sidelines..... and it's you who has to go through this...... so just take on board that we support you.... even though it's from afar...... and let your friends help in any way they can...

Not sure why you have to go through being given a new identity and moved away from your friends.... I would hope that was only temporary til the trial....not permanent... .... perhaps he is out on bail til the trial...

anyway....take care of yourself.... try to keep positive.... and keep away from the bike for the time being....