Alert Levels From Around The World
If these don't make you laugh....see someone...FAST!
Saturday, March 6, 2010 by DrJBHL | Discussion: Community
Normally a very serious subject....but in the right hands...
Barb sent me an email with these...I haven't stopped laughing yet. Thanks Barb! Made my day!!!
Terrorist Alert Levels from around the World . . .
THE ENGLISH are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
THE SCOTS raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years.
THE FRENCH government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
THE GERMANS also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".
BELGIANS, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
THE SPANISH are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
AMERICANS meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.
And in the southern hemisphere...
NEW ZEALAND has also raised its security levels from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come and rescue us!"
AUSTRALIA , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!"; "I think we'll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled".
So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level. What amuses them is knowing the New Zealanders will be waiting a really long time before Oz comes to their rescue.
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Reply #4 Saturday, March 6, 2010 1:42 PM
very funny indeed, unfortunately for the French theirs gets the most laugh, then again good laughter is always at somebodys expense
Reply #5 Saturday, March 6, 2010 1:43 PM
You know dear Seth, I had considered posting this myself, then I read it a third time and could not stop laughing and decided not a good idea to post it, I just knew someone would get their undies in a bundle!! 
But you are a much braver than I am!!!!! 
Reply #6 Saturday, March 6, 2010 2:08 PM
"I have been and always will be your friend." - Spock to Kirk preceding and following his death and fal-tor-pan. 
"I own the undies store." - Unknown Gastroenterologist to patient after giving prep for colonoscopy.
Reply #7 Saturday, March 6, 2010 2:16 PM
Add this one: Threat Level in Tennesse - Shoot first and run like hell!
Reply #9 Saturday, March 6, 2010 8:56 PM
Doc, you forgot one for Oz: "Quick, everyone have another bowl of curried cabbage!"
And the one for the Italians: "Break outta the tanks... that'd be tha ones with a one a forward gear and a five in a reverse."
Then there's the Irish response: "Fick off!!!!... or well sic the fickin' IRA on to yer."
Reply #12 Sunday, March 7, 2010 2:54 AM
The only time we have been on 'Crikey' is when England grabbed the Ashes off us. Bastards!
Reply #14 Sunday, March 7, 2010 5:31 AM
In addition...America has threat levels to let us know when anyone has OIL! Then we try to "liberate" them...well...not them....the OIL stupid...because we just love OIL! And if your thinking about messing with us...Hey...think about this! We build monster trucks and blow shit up just for fun! Think about what we'll build and blow up if you really piss us off! 
Reply #15 Sunday, March 7, 2010 6:28 AM
@starkers... True enough! "Break out the Curried Cabbage!" is a war cry we all can get....errrr....behind. and them tanks are a caution, wot? The IRA is fierce enough....but doesn't match the American IRS for sheer annoyance and determination!
@WG....odd the Italians never did that for olive oil, hey?
@taz: Too funny!!!!
Reply #16 Sunday, March 7, 2010 8:17 AM
The word is "feck" and as a present participle "fekkin' "
Reply #18 Sunday, March 7, 2010 8:20 AM
Aye... just don't get behind it after consumption. The consequences could be catastrophic.
Yup, the one forward gearis just in case the enemy attacks from behind. 
Oh, I can assure you the IRA has the greater tenacity and determination.... new recruits are told they have to blow up a car to prove their worth (to the organisation), and many of them are admitted to the A&E with burns to their lips from hot exhaust pipes.
Reply #19 Sunday, March 7, 2010 8:22 AM
Sodden forums.... wasn't up, something to do with an error, so reposted... then it's up... both of em' GRRRR!!!!
Reply #20 Sunday, March 7, 2010 8:25 AM
Aye...but that's where the CC comes in, innit?
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Reply #1 Saturday, March 6, 2010 12:13 PM