Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........

Now, turn yer head to the left and cough:

Hmmm, so I'm guessing a 'specimen' would also be a download... unless you're doing a handstand.

Angus, me old mate.... don't spend that kind of money to blow out your tower... just get stuck into the curried cabbage, mate, and for those tricky corners, a piece of 5/16" plastic tubing does the trick.  Oh, and a smear of Vaseline. 

Ah, food for thought, was it??

Now I'm curious!  Why does my doctor always say: "Now turn you head to the right?"  Could it have something to do with wearing tight underpants and the pressure traveling up my spine?

You know your cab driver is addicted to technology when... he is listening to the races on his iPod, and watching 'Days of Our Lives' on his cigarette powered portable TV.

Hope he never wants a stool sample, no way this chairs gonna fit in one o' dem yellow cups

It's because a) you are built weird and you are in Oz and bass ackwards.

Fit in the cup?

How the hell did it get in the other place (the antecedant place) and how the hell are you gonna get it out? 

Doc, stool = chair,  ahh you're messin' with me      [acts dumb and starts gurgling]

Hehehehe!  That reminds me of the time when I was in the Ipswich Hospital and was handed one of those 'bottles' and asked to provide a 'sample'  The nurse was new on the ward and I thought that I'd take the liberty of yanking her chain a little: "Hey nurse, I am a special needs patient and you're going to have to bring me a much bigger bottle than that... much, much bigger!!!"

With that I got a rather curious look and: "Are you telling me that you are overly well endowed and that 'it' won't fit in the neck??"

Oh, no, no, no, nurse, not at all.  It's just that I only pee once a week... and today is the day."

'Ere, I resembles that remark about my assembly.  Dr Frank did his best with the available parts at the time.  I must admit, tho, I do resent the brother he made me... he got made better looking than me and had all those movie parts playing the monster because of it.  Those parts should have been mine, I tell ya, MINE!!  Apart from being way, way funnier, I could read my lines and respond with more than a grunt or three.  It just goes to show... looks aren't everything.

You know you're addicted to technology when you make weekly visits to your doctor for a new implant.

01001001001000000110100001100001011101100110010100100000011101000110111100100000011100110110000101111001001000000110100101101110011000010110110001101100001000000110100001101111011011100110010101110011011101000111100100100000011101000110100001100001011101000010000001001001001000000110000101101110001000000110111001101111011101000010000001101001011011100010000001100001011011100111100100100000011101110110000101111001001000000110000101100100011001000110100101100011011101000110010101100100001000000111010001101111001000000111010001100101011000110110100001101110011011110110110001101111011001110111100100101110001000000010000001001001011101000010011101110011001000000110110101100101011100100110010101101100011110010010000001100001001000000111010001101111011011110110110000100000010010010010000001110101011100110110010100100000011101000110111100100000011000110110111101101101011011010111010101101110011010010110001101100001011101000110010100100000011011110111001000100000011000010110001101100011011011110110110101110000011010010111001101101000001000000111010001100001011100110110101101110011001000000110100101101110001000000110000100100000011100110111010001110010011001010110000101101101011011000110100101101110011001010110010000100000011011010110000101101110011011100110010101110010001011100000110100001010000011010000101001000110011101010110111001101110011110010010000001101010011011110110101101100101011100110010000001110100011010000110111101110101011001110110100000101110

You're not just addicted to technology, Zubaz, with a post like that you ARE technology.

I did, however, notice there was a bit of Zubish contained in that code... perhaps a grease and oil change is in order  to correct it.

LMAO!!!!

Oy yeah.. Zubaz is ready for committal hehe

He's going to be like the lawnmower man and upload himself to some mainframe and reak havoc 

Yeah, I spent 3 years in Ipswich Hospital back in the Seventies... and about one month in I had lost touch with all reality and became the bane of hospital administrators and some nursing staff.  The larrikin in me was working double triple time and... um, let's just say that it became  a 'military' hospital and I got a dishonourable discharge for (among other things) visiting the nurses quarters once or thrice too often.  Hehe, the admins thought they had thwarted my visits by adding more surveillance to the main door... but what they didn't know is that all I had to do was knock and one of the nurses would let me in one of the fire exits that wasn't being watched.

I can tell you, my parents were not at all impressed with me being sent home... I was in a spiker (a body cast that went down my right leg to my toes) and they just weren't equipped to cope with it - but the admins were adamant and said that they could no longer tolerate my mischief making.

He has been for years... but no institution is able or willing to book him in because of his striped zebra pants, which are known to set off psych patients with a history of black and white phobias.  Personally, I think that he could wear some thing else, and that his resusal to do so is a ploy on Zubaz's part to avoid hospital food... And who wouldn't.

I remember someone in my ward calling out one day: "Orright, who called the cook a bastard?"

My response to that was: "Who called that bastard a cook?" 

LOL But you know.. I LOVE hospital food, it's where I became hooked on all those veges I despised as a kid.. I wish I could get hospital food home delivered, I'd live on it.. I just hate hospitals.. and they hate me

Now I'm convinced that you need therapy!  Anyone who loves hospital food has to have something seriously wrong with them.  I mean, really, I worked inthe kitchen of the Ipswich Hospital some years later (yeah, I'll get to that in a minute) and I saw the cook turn a perfectly good piece of meat into shoe leather, baked rice custard into floor tiles and perfectly good Nescafe Blend 43 into dishwater. So yup, anyone who likes hospital food has to have rocks in their head... and if they've eaten hospital food, probably in their stomachs as well.

Ahem, did I call that bastard a cook?

But yeah, after having to live on it for 3 years straight (and ya gotta remember the cook's (?) reputation)... like yuk bigtime, and if I EVER have to eat it again it'll be too soon... especially that lime green jelly they served up with just about every dessert and was either like rubber or thickened cordial, it was that runny.

Quite frankly, I believe that hospital food is a conspiracy hatched by Health Dep't bureaucrats to stop people getting sick... or at least thinking they're not sick enough to be hospitalised.  Now I'm wiiling to bet that if you could get a hold of hospital admissions records and the meal rosters for the last few years, you'd notice that there's been a decline in patients being admitted to and fed in hospitals... why, because the hospital food has been designed specifically to scare them away and save money.  It's a penny pinching plot to prove to the Minister that the Dep't and the taxpayer can afford the 32% payrise they want to award themselves.

So there you have it!  Hospital food is bad on purpose... and is prepared by 'so-called' cooks who got the job because they answered 'NO' to the "Have you ever burned water?" question on the application form.

Same here... well I thought the Ipswich Hospital would hate me after my shenanigans in the Seventies, but I ended up getting a job there in the mid-Eighties when work was real herd to find and I was desperate for a job.  I was understandably nervous and pessimistic about my chances when I fronted up the the CEO's office for the interview for a 6 week stint as a kitchen hand, but very pleased when I actually got it.  What started out as a 6 week fill-in while someone was off sick turned out to be almost 2 years work... when the regular kitchenhand returned I was offerred a gardeners position and I took it, leaving only because I had to move North to Rockhampton for a while on family matters.

starkers, I was actually banned from the local hospital a few years back, because I had been sitting there for 4 hours, with a possible fractured foot, I'm a diabetic and needed something to eat, and all I did, was ask the nurse how much longer it would be, and she just told me to sit down, and I refused, I spoke loudly, not abusivly,  [Though I think the word 'Lesbian' might have been used] but anyhow, she calls the cops and has me thrown out

Just to set the record straight, kiddies: Link

Zubaz's binary text translates as:

"I have to say inall honesty that I an not in any way addicted to technology. It's merely a tool I use to communicate or accompish tasks in a streamlined manner.

Funny jokes though."

Now, what I find amazing is that he went to the trouble of finding a site to translate his text,

but more importantly  he managed to mistype in binary!!!! (see words 5 and 9 in the first sentence as well as "accompish" which is traditional Zubish).

I believe this IS a "Guiness". "Communicate in a streamlined manner" indeed, if anyone could understand.

BiZubish = Binary Zubish, the language of striped computers! 

hehe, that's cool.

01000001011010000010000001011010011101010110001001100001011110100010110000100000011110010110111101110101

00100000011100000110111101101111011100100010110000100000011100000110111101101111011100100010000001101101

01100001011011100010111000100000001000000101100101101111011101010010000001100011011000010110111000100111

01110100001000000110001101100001011101000110001101101000001000000110000100100000011000100111001001100101

01100001011010110010000001100011011000010110111000100000011110010110111101110101001111110010000000100000

01001001001000000111001101110100011010010110110001101100001000000110110001101111011101100110010100100000

01111001011011110111010100100000011010010110111000100000011000010010000001101101011000010110111001101100

01111001001011000010000001110000011000010111010000100000011011110110111000100000011101000110100001100101

00100000011000100110000101100011011010110010000001110111011000010111100100100000011011010111100100100000

01100110011100100110100101100101011011100110010000101110

And, I love the special message for you.  One of my all-time favorite movies.

I had a similar experience (being thrown out) a few years ago... was taken by ambulance to the PA Hospital with a dislocated hip, but because the ambos somehow managed to relocate it, the little twit of a doctor felt there was nothing wrong with me and refused treatment/pain relief, despite the fact that I could not bear weight on the hip or walk due to pain.  He told me to leave the ER, and when I couldn't he got 2 security guards to drag me out and down the front driveway, inflicting injuries to both knees and ankles, etc.  Worse still, I did not raise my voice or swear at him, so the forcible removal was certainly unwarranted and way over the top.

To culminate to entire sad and sorry affair, the securiity guards then called the cops, accused me of assault and disorderly conduct and had them remove me from the hospital premises.  Althought the assault charges were dismissed by the court, i was still fined $250 for trespass (??? trespass on public property???) and disorderly conduct for my troubles.

As always, when someone does me wrong without just cause, the security guards got their come-uppance and I got the last laugh. After doing some investigation, I discovered that both of them were moonlighting as bouncers at a local nightclub, which is a breach of their employment requirements, and I forced an inquiry by the hospital administration which led to both of them losing their jobs and all entitlements.  But the icing on the cake was the subsequent court case that banned both of them from ever being employed as bouncers/security personel... and 5 years jail for one of them for the use of excessive force on a nightclub patron who is now a quadriplegic as a result of his actions.  Had I not pursued the matter and made it public, it is quite likely he would have gotten away with it and the victim never receiving justice, so at the end of the day it was worth the trouble.

Vengeance is mine sayeth the starkers.

Oh yeah *back on topic* you know someone is addicted to technology when they have 'Short Ciruit' playing on 5 out of 6 TV's in the house, and the 'Science' channel playing on the other.

Thanks Monkey.