glug glug glug glug glug glug ..................... BURP!!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh .........

I are ... am ... burp ... hic ... RarelyUnsoused of ... of ... gimme a minute ... oh yeah ... of Porg ... no ... Norg ... no ... not it ... um ... um ... Dorg? um ... Worg? ... Oh the hell with it. Gimme a beer mate and hold the ... burp ... never mind.

*Yellow puddle growing on the floor between his shoes*

I am Bar Keep of Borg.... Oi, you.... you with the yellow puddle between your shoes!  You'll kindly mop that up and put in back in the glass.  We don't allow waste around these here parts.

I am burp ... hic ... RarelyUnsoused of ... of ...Borg..... are you sying to tray that I gotta... hic... put that pellow yuddle in glass.... hic...  n'  drink it?  Man, that's not spilled beer.... that's piss!!!!

I am Bar Keep of Borg.... in that case, then, git down on yer hands and knees n' lick it up.

"You are a hard Borg Bar Keep of Borg ... I am Commander Meh Dung Juju of EastSideBorg ... YO! Private ... pick up this piece of trash and toss him in the bin. Bar Keep, bring us three ales and be quick about it! Haven't got all day to lolligag in this rattrap you call a bar."

"Commander Meh Dung Juju ........ be nice or I'll have to call Missy in to show you the door."

"HA! You bring in your little Missy and we'll show her what good strong EastEnd implants are for."

   But unbeknownst to the commander 'Missy', a ten foot Dumbafore from Sri Lassy with four huge arms, hands with claws razor sharp, 6 inch fangs depending from her upper and lower jaws and in heat, was standing not four feet behind him when he heard this .......

"Ahhhh ...... fresh meat!"

"That a girl Missy." says the Bar Keep."Now go digest your lunch. Desert should be here shortly"

I am Cess Pit owner of Borg... when Missy's done eating that ignoramus, Commander Meh Dung Juju, can I borrow here for a night.  You see, I got a pesky bunch of Westsiders of Borg who come in and trash my bar every Friday night... and Missy might figure some of 'em is good eating.

I am Bordello Bette of Borg.... and do yer think I could borrow Missy at them times when she's in heat?  I got a couple o' kinky critters who often come in looking fer something a little out of the ordinary to go sticking their implants in, an' I reckuns they'd pay top dollar fer an hour with tha likes of Missy here.

Sorry guys but Missy is not into that sort of kinky stuff. Sri Lassyans believe to indulge in any act other than procreation is taboo and that because early on in their development they nearly went extinct because they kept eating each other. 

But she'll be more than happy to take the undesirables you mentioned. For a fee of course. That does not include the main course. She charges separately for that. And desert ... brunch, lunch, afternoon tea, supper, snack time, midnite snack time, middle of the night snack time, etc etc. She's very reasonable.

I am Charlie Sheen of Borg.... and I am not the scum sucking womanising deviant, or the sick minded dipshit that everyone says I am.  My implant drinks to excess and takes a concoction of very bad drugs, and I'm just along for the ride.

I am Bree Olsen, pornstar of Borg.... you call that thing an implant Charlie?   Any smaller and it'd put me off pink jelly beans for the rest of my life.

I am Emilio Estevez of Borg.... yeah, poor Charlie missed out big time there.  His ex-wife told me that he must've gotten in the wrong queue when the dicks were being handeed out and he ended up with an inch worm instead.

I am Denise Richards of Borg... and ex-wife. Ya know, if brains were C4, Charlie wouldn't be able to blow his hat off in a hurricaine.

I am Two and a Half Men Producer of Borg... I always wanted to call the show 'One and a Half Men' because Charlie Sheen comes up short in all departments

I ... I ... I ... am ...am ...am ... Char ...Char ... Charlie ... Sh ... Sh ... She ... She'een ... of ... of ... B B B Borg ... Yeah ... I'm The B B Big ... Big ... Biggest ... ahhhhhh ... Bad ... baddest ... bad est ..., Oh the hell with it. Gimme that rock! You sure its 7 grams worth? I don't want to ........

*funeral dirge in the background*

I am Undertaker of Borg.... Charlie Sheen IS dead..... but the bastard don't know it yet and won't lay down to get his casket fitted.

I am Grave Digger of Borg... I just had a communique from the EPA [Environmentel Protection Agency] and they tell me that Mr. Sheen cannot be buried anywhere for fear of various drugs and a toxic decomposition leeching into the surrounding soil.

I am Captain Ahab of Borg.... well that rules out a burial at sea, then.

I am Captain Kirk of Borg...  the thought of a burial in space had occurred to me, but then I realised the klingons that hang from the hairs on his ass would contaminate this and other galaxies.

I am Cremator of Borg ... Don't look at me. I've been slapped with a no-burn order by the Collective's Council on Piggler 69. They're afraid the Paklids will revolt if their space in contaminated ... again.

I am Mehican Drug Lord.... een my country we place unwanted, un-needed, superfluous persons een beeg vats of acidico

I am Winehouse of Borg, and he's not going to rehab. No No No

I am Rehab Coordinator of Borg.... No No No, Mr. Sheen is waaaaay beyond rehab help now.  Personally, I'd recommend a lethal injection of triple strength bleach, in the hope his body would be cleansed enough for burial... even if it is on some distant planet in a galaxy far, far away, to be sure, to be sure.

I am Martin Sheen of Borg... I used to wonder why my son, Charlie, was the butt of so many unkind jokes, I now realise it's because he's made a complete ass[hole] of himself

I am Shane Warne of Borg... I think my fling with Liz Hurley is over.  I just got a text from her saying that we're unlikely to see each other again because the thought of seeing me again makes her want to hurl.

I am Hugh Grant of Borg... you know, Shane Warne of Borg, if you ever try to see Ms Hurley again, I'll take that spin bowling finger of yours and shove it so far up your cricketing ass you'll be able to pick your nose with it.

I am Liz Hurley of Borg.... oh, and Shane Warne of Borg, that implant extension you left on my bedroom floor is now in the post.  Hugh doesn't need it.

I am Customs Inspector of Borg,... I am sorry to say, Shane warn of Borg, but your implant extension has been used in too many assimilations in too many countries and it will have to remain in quarantine indefinitely

I am Poindexter of Borg ... I do recycling now. Any unwanted implants you guys lookin' to get rid of. I'm very reasonable.

*looks over shoulder conspiritorially to see who's looking*

I was The Apprentice of Borg.... until Donald Trump fired me because the 'glory hole" I stuck my implant into turned out to be the inter-office mail transporter and he didn't appreciate what landed on his desk.

Bet that hurt. lol

Um, no! It wasn't his implant that landed on Trump's desk.... those inter-office mail transporters operate by suction and..... 

You get the picture.... right? 

Sucked him right off ... the floor that is.

I am Donald Trump of Borg... orright, the person who spilled Brasso on my desk earlier had better own up in the next 10 minutes or you're ALL FIRED.

"I quit. So there." said Poindexter of Borg when asked why he sucked the Brasso off Trump's latest aquisition with his home made implant vacuum cleaner.