I am Julian Assange of Borg.... wouldn't you know it, I take a 'wizzi leak' and the CIA has a camera peering up from the toilet to see if I'm leaking any more ambassadorial documents that were supposed to remain secret.

I am Swedish Prosecutor of Borg.... Mr. Assange, the young lady who accuses you of deliberately damaging a condom to gain better sensation has stated to me that her biggest complaint is that you didn't use a condom with a built on tickler for her added pleasure.  I am therefore willing to drop the charges if the US Government is in agreement.

I am Joe Biden of Borg.... No, Mr Swedish Prosecutor of Borg,  we are not in agreement.  Any man who uses a condom without a built on tickler has to be guilty of some sort of treason, simple as that.

I am First Inquisitor of Borg ...... I am Judge ... Jury ... and Executioner. Mr. Assange, you have been found GUILTY of high treason. The verdict is passed. The sentence ...... is DEATH! You be executed forthwith and withforth and now. Bring out the ...... WET NOODLES! Haaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That'll learn 'em.  

I am Hoo Flung Dung of Borg.... It is not Chinese tradition to beat man to death with wet noodle.  In China we use soggy root from rice paddy.

I am Human Rights Commissioner of Borg... we at the UN have decreed that beating men to death with wet noodles and/or roots has been outlawed under the Human Rights Bill.  However, if you wish to slap him around the jowles with a wet tram ticket until dead, please be my guest.

I am first inquisitor of Borg ... I do not recognize your authority. Death by wet noodle has been decreed. Unless of course you'd rather eat them.

I am Chuck Norris of Borg.... for your information, First Inquisitor of Borg, I ordered the last bowl of wet noodles and I intend to get them, if you get my meaning.

I am Steven Seagal of Borg.... you can keep the wet noodles, Chuck, but me, well I wouldn't mind a root in a rice paddy.  (bit more of an Aussie joke there)

I are RutaBaga of Borg ....... you nincompoops don't know nuttin'. Wet noodles and roots in a rice paddie are staples of the Rebamingoloidalisese peoples. Take dem away and you got a riot on you hands. Dem Rebamingoloidaisese are terrible. Dem will process you implants and not give dem back or even forward for dat matter. Be very careful or dem will come out of da kitchen closet and open dis on ya.

I am Wealthy Industrialist of Borg.... I actually manufacture that Wup Ass and I can assure you that each can has 95% hot air.  The other 5% is a trade secret, but let me assure you, the person opening the can is more likely to feel the effect than the intended victim.

I am Hosni Mubarak of Borg.... yes, I am petrified the revolting natives will break into my palace and turn me into a mummy by placing my organs in canopic jars and filling my empty body with animal innards before wrapping me up in bandages laced with itching powder.

And send you on a one way trip to your ancestors by way of the Star of Sirius? No way Josep. You get to spend eternity wallowing in sheep dung up to your nose while camels stick their tongues in your ear and obese belly dancers vie for a place on your lap so you can fondle their jug-a-lugs without slapping yourself silly in a white gauzy see through over the shoulder boulder holder tied to your implant that is slowly being eaten by mummified male cats spraying in your face. 

Uvah, with that little outburst of despicable acts of torture, anybody 'd get the idea you don't like that Mubarak fella.

Lord knows, tho, he deserves every one of them.

You could say that. For thirty years he had Egypt's constitution suspended thus depriving his people of their civil rights and denying them a better quality of life. Anyone who does that to his or her own people deserve nothing less. The guy is worth more than $70 billion! All of it through graft. According to an article I read today in yahoo news he had his finger in every pot imaginable collecting 'his share' of all the profits and ......

OT.

I am Indignant of Borg ...... I'm returning to the collective. Let the chips fall where they may.

I am Chief Executioner of Borg.... bring that Mubarak bastard to me.... after the people have duly noted their displeasure of him to his face (and other sensitive parts of his body)  Then I will cut off his implant with a butter knife and see that he chokes on it.

Do it with a spoon. It will hurt more.

I am McJailer of Borg ..... I got first dibs on old Hosni. We have an inmate here named BubbaJubba with an implant sooooooooo big ..... 

I am Mortician of Borg... do you like making my job difficult, McJailer of Borg???   The last one who shared a cell with BubbaJubba had to have the look of extreme fear on his face covered up with 15lbs of makeup before the relatives could view the body.

My point exactly.

I am blank of Borg

Blank of Borg ........ did you happen to see where I put my extension cord? I could've sworn I plugged in this morning. Oops ... never mind. I found it. It was wrapped around my ......

Poindexter of Borg .... you leave that nice lady alone. Shame on you.

Awwwww ....... I was just having some fun maw.

I am Blanked of Borg.... like, there I was minding my own business, and a Klingon warrior came out of nowhere and blanked me with his gnarly looking implant.

I am Desperate of Borg.... and where was this?  Do you think I'd be lucky enough to get blanked if I stood there and waited for him?

I am Poindexter of Borg .... My moms not home right now so if you want I can ...... OWWWWWW!

Poindexter of Borg ...... How many times have I told you not to antagonize the help. I can't afford to keep replacing them every time you try to plug your implant in one of them.

I am Implantless Poindexter of Borg ........ My dad just re-po'd my implant thank you very much.

I am Babysitter of Borg.... ya know, that Poindexter kids has one almighty implant and can assimilate non-stop from when his folks go to work at 7.00am until they get home again at 6.00pm.

I am Maid of Borg.... ooh ah, my battery powered implant with ever replenishing lithium doesn't last that long, so tomorrow it's my turn.

I am Constantly [horny] Gardener of Borg... well you two little hussies are both out of luck, for tomorrow he and I will be erecting a fence pole or two, among other things.