I am Alexander The Great of Borg.... what, you're going to Timbukthree, Poindexter of Borg?  That's such old hat and done to death, you should try timbukfour instead.  The food's nicer, the wine's cheaper, and the houses of ill-repute are practically free if you go in swinging a big implant and are prepared to assimilate the doorman first.

I am Fancois Dupree of The French Foreign Legion of Borg... and I misunderstood when my commanding officer said that I should use the camel if I needed to assimilate.  The damned thing died mid-bonk and My commanding officer said that I was supposed to ride it into Timukfour to visit a bordello.

I am Hannibal of Borg... yeah, I had trouble with some of my troops and elephants. Couldn't keep 'em separated until we dropped by Timbukfive and took on some professional ladies who how to satisfy an elephant.

I be Cap'n Blackbeard o' Borg... I 'ad trubble wiv me crew gettin' all frisky like, so I got 'em a barrel and took out that cork in tha side.  Trouble wur, I couldn' git anybody ta stay inside tha barrel 'less I gived 'em a extra quart o' rum fer thar trubble.

I'm ... Captain James T. Kirk ... of Borg ...... I ass-imilated ...... The Queen of Troyous ...... The Duke of Windsor ...... The Earl of Cotton ... The Barony of Luxor ...... Lex Luther ...... Jimmy Olsen ...... Lois Lane ...... Clark Kent ....... Brainiac (No relation to I.R.) ...... The Blob ...... Ma Kettle and I did it all ....... while pretending to be ...... A captain.

I am Dr McCoy of Borg.... Jim, when did you first notice you had latent homosexual tendencies, and do you enjoy mmf threesomes as much as ffm threesomes?

I am Mr Spock of Borg... Personally, I enjoy mmm threesomes, ffm threesomes, mfm threesomes and fmf threesomes, but what I really enjoy most is a threesome with Ferengi sheep and a Kardassian goat.

I am Lt Uhura of Borg... my last threesome turned out to be a foursome because the Borg known as 1with2 actually has two willies.

The Federation is in trouble. Starkers has taken over. All Borgs' and Borgettes grab your implants and follow  me. We attack at dawn ... no ... make that after lunch ... no wait ... can't do it after lunch. We're havin' turkey for lunch. That stuff they put in them will put everyone to sleep. Alright ... alright ... here's what we do. We attack after breakfast. This way after lunch we'll be plenty tired and won't need the turkey.But we'll eat it anyway.

I am Lunch Convener of Borg... please note, it has been discovered that the lunchtime turkey sandwiches are tainted with salmonella and have been recalled by the Borg factory due to health regulations.   Anyone who purchased a turkey sandwich may return it for a full refund.  For those who have eaten their turkey sandwich already, please join the queue to the left and you will be handed an airline strength bag to deposit your sandwich for return.  Your refunds will be deposited to your nominated bank account once the bag contents have been analysed and it it determined the upchuck is indeed turkey sandwich.  Thank you.

Attention ... Attention ... this is to inform all of Borgdum that Lunch Convener of Borg has had his implant in the cookie jar again. Please refer to your user guide for hints and tips on how to deal with this sort of behavior. Here's a trick I use to dissuade Lunch Convener of Borg from dipping his implant in the cookie jar.

Works every time.

I am hopeless of Borg, assistance is futile

I am Democrat of Borg, taxation evasion is futile

I am Republican of Borg, Obamacare will not be assimilated

I am Independent of Borg, my biological and technological distinctiveness will never be added to the White House

I  am Welcome Mat of Borg ... don't wipe your feet on me again or I'll have to sic starkers of Borg on you with his best starker bark.

I am starkers of Borg ... yeah and I'll throw in a couple of iTunes to really mess with your head.

I am iTunes of Borg ... please refrain from such or I'll have to sue you for fifteen million dollars.

I am the RIAA of Borg... and I have become the most ridiculous organisation on the planet for seeking 1.5 million from a single mother who has no hope of ever paying.

     I am The Anarchist of Borg. When all else fails anarchy is not far behind. Sooner or later, maybe five years, the 'Other' voice will be strong enough to stand against two old fuddyduds who don't know the difference between their backside and a hole in the ground. A two party system is no system at all. You got the black and  the white but you ignore all that gray stuff in between. That is where the 'colors' are. Black is the absence of all color and white is just the opposite, all of the colors are in there. Two places , two parties. No middle ground to balance them. Can't be done. 

     Left hand washes right hand or vice versa and they both wash your face. The Independents have no voice, no say in the matter. They are too few in numbers, for now. That may not last long if the so-called Tea Party is any indication. What starts out small has a tendency to get very big. If the Independents got a little more serious and less cautious, to a point, they could do some damage! Something to think about.

I am 2of3 of Borg ...... My blinds bigger than your blind ... my blinds bigger than yours ... my blinds bigger 'cause it eats Ken L' Ration ... my blinds bigger than yours. Haaaaaa ha ha ha ...... simply could not resist.

I am Precipitation of Borg... and I have been p!ssing down on Queensland in Oz for more than 40 days and 40 nights.

I am Saturated of Borg... yeah, you bastard, now my implant is all shriveled and full of wrinkles due to being water-logged so long.

I am Receding Waters of Borg ...... Buh Bye.

I am Poseidon's Insurance Adjuster of Borg ...... We have re-po'd his Trident due to excessive use.

I am Misfit of Borg.... stupidly went swimming in a swollen creek and now my implant is stuck in the grate of a stormwater drain.

Yeah, you wouldn't credit it.... idiots jumping into swollen and fast running creeks and rivers... puts a strain on emergency/rescue services at a time when people are at extreme risk through no fault of their own.  Some were arrested... hope the cops and courts throw the book at them.

I am Search and Rescue Chief of Borg... sorry to inform you (not really, stupid) but your implant is firmly wedged and the only way to get you out of here is to cut it off.

I am Implant Replacement Monitor of Borg ........ no worries mate. We'll give ya one that'll rock your socks or sock your rocks. whichever one comes first.

I am Drenched of Borg... somebody up there has an implant of Biblical proportions, and it's leaking... send up some Depends before we have to swim down the street to buy the paper.

I am Slightly deaf of Borg ... shouting is futile