Joke Central
please add your own, we all can use a laugh
Thursday, February 7, 2008 by Keila | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
IRS
At the end of the tax year the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles.
What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these bread wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they
send us a free box of bread-wafers."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste, "answered the Rabbi."
What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."
At the end of the tax year the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles.
What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these bread wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they
send us a free box of bread-wafers."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste, "answered the Rabbi."
What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."
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mrs_starkers
Reply #82 Thursday, June 5, 2008 2:14 PM
A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.
"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.
"Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"
The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been
working here for six years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means
'Unleaded Fuel Only.'"
Reply #82 Thursday, June 5, 2008 2:14 PM
A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.
"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.
"Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"
The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been
working here for six years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means
'Unleaded Fuel Only.'"
mrs_starkers
Reply #84 Thursday, June 5, 2008 2:19 PM
Reply #84 Thursday, June 5, 2008 2:19 PM
A mother and her daughter were at the gynecologist's office. The mother asked the doctor to examine her daughter. "She has been having some strange symptoms and I'm worried about her," the mother said.
The doctor examined the daughter carefully and then announced, "Madam, I believe your daughter is pregnant."
The mother gasped, "That's nonsense! Why, my little girl has nothing whatsoever to do with men." She turned to the girl. "You don't, do you, dear?"
"No, mumsy," said the girl. "Why, you know that I have never so much as kissed a man!" The doctor looked from mother to daughter, and back again. Then, silently he stood up and walked to the window, staring out.
He continued staring until the mother felt compelled to ask, "Doctor, is there something wrong out there?"
"No, Madam," said the doctor. "It's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the East and I was looking to see if another one was going to show up."
The doctor examined the daughter carefully and then announced, "Madam, I believe your daughter is pregnant."
The mother gasped, "That's nonsense! Why, my little girl has nothing whatsoever to do with men." She turned to the girl. "You don't, do you, dear?"
"No, mumsy," said the girl. "Why, you know that I have never so much as kissed a man!" The doctor looked from mother to daughter, and back again. Then, silently he stood up and walked to the window, staring out.
He continued staring until the mother felt compelled to ask, "Doctor, is there something wrong out there?"
"No, Madam," said the doctor. "It's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the East and I was looking to see if another one was going to show up."
ALMonty
Reply #85 Thursday, June 5, 2008 2:25 PM
Reply #85 Thursday, June 5, 2008 2:25 PM
Suggestive...
There were two statues in some ancient city of Greece which had been in existence for centuries. One was a nude male while the other was a nude female. For centuries they had braved the cold weather and the scorching sun. They had witnessed historical events such as Alexander the Great setting out on his conquest of the world, the rise and fall of the Roman empire, etc.
One day an angel who was flying over the city saw the two statues. He was overcome with sorrow for the two and he came down and brought them to life. "Well", the angel said, "my powers can grant you life for not more than an hour. So you have sixty minutes and the time doesn't begin till I disappear. Make the most of it!"
As soon as the angel disappeared the two just nodded at each other and immediately jumped behind a bush nearby. For nearly fifty five minutes there was a lot of noise, disturbance, screams, leaves and feathers flying around from behind the bush. At the end of fifty five minutes the man said "Well, we have just five minutes left! What more do you reckon we should do?"
"Something more of the same would be divine!" said the woman.
"Alright", said the man "only this time you hold the pigeons and I shall shit on them!"
There were two statues in some ancient city of Greece which had been in existence for centuries. One was a nude male while the other was a nude female. For centuries they had braved the cold weather and the scorching sun. They had witnessed historical events such as Alexander the Great setting out on his conquest of the world, the rise and fall of the Roman empire, etc.
One day an angel who was flying over the city saw the two statues. He was overcome with sorrow for the two and he came down and brought them to life. "Well", the angel said, "my powers can grant you life for not more than an hour. So you have sixty minutes and the time doesn't begin till I disappear. Make the most of it!"
As soon as the angel disappeared the two just nodded at each other and immediately jumped behind a bush nearby. For nearly fifty five minutes there was a lot of noise, disturbance, screams, leaves and feathers flying around from behind the bush. At the end of fifty five minutes the man said "Well, we have just five minutes left! What more do you reckon we should do?"
"Something more of the same would be divine!" said the woman.
"Alright", said the man "only this time you hold the pigeons and I shall shit on them!"
mrs_starkers
Reply #86 Thursday, June 5, 2008 2:54 PM
Spell Checker
I halve a spelling checker,
It came with my pea see.
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I dew knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait aweigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the era rite
Its rarely ever wrong.
I've scent this massage threw it,
And I'm shore your pleased too no
Its letter prefect in every weigh;
My checker tolled me sew.
Reply #86 Thursday, June 5, 2008 2:54 PM
Spell Checker
I halve a spelling checker,
It came with my pea see.
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I dew knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait aweigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the era rite
Its rarely ever wrong.
I've scent this massage threw it,
And I'm shore your pleased too no
Its letter prefect in every weigh;
My checker tolled me sew.
zakai1369
Reply #87 Thursday, June 5, 2008 3:50 PM
Well damn. Noone ever told me Zubaz was a poet.
Reply #87 Thursday, June 5, 2008 3:50 PM
Spell Checker
I halve a spelling checker,
It came with my pea see.
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I dew knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait aweigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the era rite
Its rarely ever wrong.
I've scent this massage threw it,
And I'm shore your pleased too no
Its letter prefect in every weigh;
My checker tolled me sew.
I halve a spelling checker,
It came with my pea see.
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I dew knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait aweigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the era rite
Its rarely ever wrong.
I've scent this massage threw it,
And I'm shore your pleased too no
Its letter prefect in every weigh;
My checker tolled me sew.
Well damn. Noone ever told me Zubaz was a poet.
mike b1954
Reply #89 Thursday, June 5, 2008 9:50 PM
Reply #89 Thursday, June 5, 2008 9:50 PM
Q .... How do you turn a DUCK into a Soul Singer ?
A .... Cook it in the microwave for a while, until it's BILL WITHERS hehehe
A .... Cook it in the microwave for a while, until it's BILL WITHERS hehehe
starkers
Reply #92 Friday, June 6, 2008 10:39 AM
Reply #92 Friday, June 6, 2008 10:39 AM
During a revenue raising blitz on motorists, a police officer pulls over a guy and asks to see his license and registration. Satisfied that the rego was in order, the cop scrutinises the guy's license and notices he is supposed to be wearing spectacles while driving... and he isn't...
"Sir it says here on your license that you're supposed to be wearing spectacles while driving, so where are they???"
"Oh, it's OK officer, I don't have to wear them any more...."
What d'ya mean, you don't have to wear them any more, if it says so on your license then you are required to wear them. Sorry sir, I'm going to have to write you a ticket!"
"But officer, you don't understand! I have contacts!"
"Look... I don't give a fuck who you know, I'm still writing the ticket!"
"Sir it says here on your license that you're supposed to be wearing spectacles while driving, so where are they???"
"Oh, it's OK officer, I don't have to wear them any more...."
What d'ya mean, you don't have to wear them any more, if it says so on your license then you are required to wear them. Sorry sir, I'm going to have to write you a ticket!"
"But officer, you don't understand! I have contacts!"
"Look... I don't give a fuck who you know, I'm still writing the ticket!"
starkers
Reply #93 Saturday, June 7, 2008 2:48 AM
Reply #93 Saturday, June 7, 2008 2:48 AM
A frustrated housewife, tired of her husband's disinterest and workaholic ways, decides to go to the local 'adult' store to buy some items that'd help spice up their love life together...
While there, she spots the perfect negligee and matching crotchless knickers, so buys them, along with some black fishnet stockings, a suspender belt and a pink feather boa to help arouse his interest...
That night when he returns home from work and feeling rather tired, she greets him at the front door wearing just the see-through negligee, the crotchless knickers, fishnet stockings and suspender belt...while casually flicking the pink feather boa very provocatively so as to catch his eye: "Hello dear, and how was your day?"
"Oh, it was alright I suppose!"
"That's nice, dear... oh and I've prepared your favorite for dinner, if you'd like to take your place in the dining room and pour yourself a drink, I'll begin serving."
With that, the husband goes into the dining room and notices romantic music playing in the background, that all their best china and cutlery is out... and that the room is softly candle-lit...
After dinner the wife asks: "Well, dear, how did you enjoy your meal, was it cooked to your liking... and wasn't that the most delicious dessert?"
"It was alright, I suppose!"
Hmmm, things were not going very well, so the wife decides it's time to take drastic steps to arouse his interest, and removes the pink feather boa to reveal her shimmering breasts beneath the flimsy fabric of the negligee...
"So how do you like my new negligee... do you thinks it's sexy????"
"It's alright, I suppose!"
"And how about my new fishnet stockings?"
"They're alright, I suppose!"
Hmmm, things are definitely not going her way... he's just not responding to the stimuli and she's getting real desperate... so she points to her nether region and the crotchless nickers and asks: "Do you want some of this?"
"Like hell I do...look what it's done to your knickers!!!!!"
While there, she spots the perfect negligee and matching crotchless knickers, so buys them, along with some black fishnet stockings, a suspender belt and a pink feather boa to help arouse his interest...
That night when he returns home from work and feeling rather tired, she greets him at the front door wearing just the see-through negligee, the crotchless knickers, fishnet stockings and suspender belt...while casually flicking the pink feather boa very provocatively so as to catch his eye: "Hello dear, and how was your day?"
"Oh, it was alright I suppose!"
"That's nice, dear... oh and I've prepared your favorite for dinner, if you'd like to take your place in the dining room and pour yourself a drink, I'll begin serving."
With that, the husband goes into the dining room and notices romantic music playing in the background, that all their best china and cutlery is out... and that the room is softly candle-lit...
After dinner the wife asks: "Well, dear, how did you enjoy your meal, was it cooked to your liking... and wasn't that the most delicious dessert?"
"It was alright, I suppose!"
Hmmm, things were not going very well, so the wife decides it's time to take drastic steps to arouse his interest, and removes the pink feather boa to reveal her shimmering breasts beneath the flimsy fabric of the negligee...
"So how do you like my new negligee... do you thinks it's sexy????"
"It's alright, I suppose!"
"And how about my new fishnet stockings?"
"They're alright, I suppose!"
Hmmm, things are definitely not going her way... he's just not responding to the stimuli and she's getting real desperate... so she points to her nether region and the crotchless nickers and asks: "Do you want some of this?"
"Like hell I do...look what it's done to your knickers!!!!!"
mrs_starkers
Reply #94 Sunday, June 8, 2008 9:23 AM
Reply #94 Sunday, June 8, 2008 9:23 AM
A Polish immigrant applies for a driver’s licence, and has to take an eyesight test. The optician shows him a card: “C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.”
“Can you read this?” the optician asks.
“Read it?” the Pole replies, “I know the guy.”
“Can you read this?” the optician asks.
“Read it?” the Pole replies, “I know the guy.”
mrs_starkers
Reply #95 Sunday, June 8, 2008 9:34 AM
Reply #95 Sunday, June 8, 2008 9:34 AM
hmmm.....
Sunday School
Little Mary was not the best student in sunday school. usually she slept throught the class. one day the teacher called on her while she was napping. "tell me mary, who craeted the universe?"
when mary didn't stir, little johnny a boy seated behind her took a pin and jabbed her in the butt. "God almighty!" shouted mary and the teacher said "very good"and mary fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked "mary, whos our lord and savior" but mary didn't even stir from her slumber. once again, johnny came to her rescueand stuck her again."jesus christ!" shouted mary and she fell back asleep as the teacher said "very good".
Then the teacher asked mary a third question. "what did eve say to adam after she had her 23rd child?" and again johnny jabbed her with the pin. this time mary jumped up and shouted,"if you stick that damn thing in me one more time, i'll break it in half!!!"
Sunday School
Little Mary was not the best student in sunday school. usually she slept throught the class. one day the teacher called on her while she was napping. "tell me mary, who craeted the universe?"
when mary didn't stir, little johnny a boy seated behind her took a pin and jabbed her in the butt. "God almighty!" shouted mary and the teacher said "very good"and mary fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked "mary, whos our lord and savior" but mary didn't even stir from her slumber. once again, johnny came to her rescueand stuck her again."jesus christ!" shouted mary and she fell back asleep as the teacher said "very good".
Then the teacher asked mary a third question. "what did eve say to adam after she had her 23rd child?" and again johnny jabbed her with the pin. this time mary jumped up and shouted,"if you stick that damn thing in me one more time, i'll break it in half!!!"
mrs_starkers
Reply #97 Sunday, June 8, 2008 10:45 AM
Reply #97 Sunday, June 8, 2008 10:45 AM
GOD TAKES A HOLIDAY Joke
God is sitting up in his ivory tower, tired and worn out. He's had enough of the pressures and stresses of being the number one, so he's decided to take a holiday. He calls all his super-being mates together to discuss a few suggestions.
St. Peter, thinking, nods his head, then says, "How about Mars? It's nice and warm there this time of year." God shakes His head before answering, "Nah I went there 15,000 years ago. It was shit, no atmosphere and too dusty."
"What about Pluto?" suggests another. "No way!" God mutters. "I went there 10,000 years ago. Freezing it was too."
"What about Mercury?" says another. "Are you kidding?" says God. "I went there 5,000 years ago, I nearly burnt me bollox off it was that hot, never again."
"I've got it," says St. Peter, his face lighting up. "How about going down to Earth for your vacation?"
"You must be joking," says God, chuckling, "I went there 2,000 years ago, knocked up some Jewish bird, and they're STILL bloody
God is sitting up in his ivory tower, tired and worn out. He's had enough of the pressures and stresses of being the number one, so he's decided to take a holiday. He calls all his super-being mates together to discuss a few suggestions.
St. Peter, thinking, nods his head, then says, "How about Mars? It's nice and warm there this time of year." God shakes His head before answering, "Nah I went there 15,000 years ago. It was shit, no atmosphere and too dusty."
"What about Pluto?" suggests another. "No way!" God mutters. "I went there 10,000 years ago. Freezing it was too."
"What about Mercury?" says another. "Are you kidding?" says God. "I went there 5,000 years ago, I nearly burnt me bollox off it was that hot, never again."
"I've got it," says St. Peter, his face lighting up. "How about going down to Earth for your vacation?"
"You must be joking," says God, chuckling, "I went there 2,000 years ago, knocked up some Jewish bird, and they're STILL bloody
starkers
Reply #98 Sunday, June 8, 2008 11:35 PM
Reply #98 Sunday, June 8, 2008 11:35 PM
The language Barrier
A Chinese businesswoman frequently flies into Australia and usually has wads of Japanese and Chinese money, as well as US Dollars on her, so goes to the bank to exchange it all for Australian currency in order to do local business.
I was in the queue behind her on one such occasion and over-heard a rather heated argument over over the amount of Australian dollars the Chinese businesswoman received for her overseas currency. No matter how many times the frustrated teller tried to explain that she was receiving a lesser amount due to constantly changing exchange rates, the Chinese businesswoman still did not understand and kept arguing the point that she had been short changed
Now she was obviously an astute and businesswoman, because she heads a multi-national import company, but she was obviously having some difficulty understanding English, particularly so with the teller having the strongest Aussie accent....
After about 15 minutes and getting relatively nowhere, the very frustrated teller thrusts the money through the little window and says: "Look, I'm terribly sorry, madam, but this is all that I can give you according to the current exchange rates."
The Chinese businesswoman, however, is still dissatisfied and wants further clarification as to why she is getting much less for her overseas currencies than she did yesterday, and demands, yet again: "I don't understand, why do I get less Australian dollar today than I get yesterday?"
By now the teller has reach boiling point and all composure/etiquette has gone out the window as she loudly snaps: "Fluctuations!!!! Fluctuations!!!"
"Well fluck you Australians too!!!" and she stormed out with her cash.
A Chinese businesswoman frequently flies into Australia and usually has wads of Japanese and Chinese money, as well as US Dollars on her, so goes to the bank to exchange it all for Australian currency in order to do local business.
I was in the queue behind her on one such occasion and over-heard a rather heated argument over over the amount of Australian dollars the Chinese businesswoman received for her overseas currency. No matter how many times the frustrated teller tried to explain that she was receiving a lesser amount due to constantly changing exchange rates, the Chinese businesswoman still did not understand and kept arguing the point that she had been short changed
Now she was obviously an astute and businesswoman, because she heads a multi-national import company, but she was obviously having some difficulty understanding English, particularly so with the teller having the strongest Aussie accent....
After about 15 minutes and getting relatively nowhere, the very frustrated teller thrusts the money through the little window and says: "Look, I'm terribly sorry, madam, but this is all that I can give you according to the current exchange rates."
The Chinese businesswoman, however, is still dissatisfied and wants further clarification as to why she is getting much less for her overseas currencies than she did yesterday, and demands, yet again: "I don't understand, why do I get less Australian dollar today than I get yesterday?"
By now the teller has reach boiling point and all composure/etiquette has gone out the window as she loudly snaps: "Fluctuations!!!! Fluctuations!!!"
"Well fluck you Australians too!!!" and she stormed out with her cash.
zakai1369
Reply #99 Sunday, June 8, 2008 11:52 PM
Reply #99 Sunday, June 8, 2008 11:52 PM
By now the teller has reach boiling point and all composure/etiquette has gone out the window as she loudly snaps: "Fluctuations!!!! Fluctuations!!!"
"Well fluck you Australians too!!!" and she stormed out with her cash.
"Well fluck you Australians too!!!" and she stormed out with her cash.
mrs_starkers
Reply #100 Monday, June 9, 2008 3:06 AM
Reply #100 Monday, June 9, 2008 3:06 AM
4 High School friends meet at their High School Reuion. Then the fourth High school dude goes to bathroom and the others start to talk about their sons...---
Highschool Dude 1: You know my son? I'm so proud of him 'cause he was so successful. He became so rich that he gave one of his best friends a 2-million dollar Mansion for free!
Highschool Dude 2: Really? My son's made me proud to. He's became so rich from acting and gave his closest friend 2 free Hummer H2's.
Highschool Dude 3: Even my son got rich to. He won the 8 million-dollar Lotto and he bought his friend a private yatch and plane.
---The fourth Highschool Dude comes back from the bathroom and overhears them talking about their sons. So he began to tell them about his son.---
Highschool Dude 4: Yeah, well, my son hasn't been as successful like your sons have. He's gay and works at a gay stripping joint for a living.
Highschool Dude 1: What a shame.
Highschool Dude 4: No, not really. He lives in a 2-million dollar mansion, owns his own jet and yatch, and owns 2 Hummer H2's which were all given to him by 3 of his Ex-boyfriends
Highschool Dude 1: You know my son? I'm so proud of him 'cause he was so successful. He became so rich that he gave one of his best friends a 2-million dollar Mansion for free!
Highschool Dude 2: Really? My son's made me proud to. He's became so rich from acting and gave his closest friend 2 free Hummer H2's.
Highschool Dude 3: Even my son got rich to. He won the 8 million-dollar Lotto and he bought his friend a private yatch and plane.
---The fourth Highschool Dude comes back from the bathroom and overhears them talking about their sons. So he began to tell them about his son.---
Highschool Dude 4: Yeah, well, my son hasn't been as successful like your sons have. He's gay and works at a gay stripping joint for a living.
Highschool Dude 1: What a shame.
Highschool Dude 4: No, not really. He lives in a 2-million dollar mansion, owns his own jet and yatch, and owns 2 Hummer H2's which were all given to him by 3 of his Ex-boyfriends
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Reply #81 Sunday, June 1, 2008 3:53 PM
25 Reasons Why A Beer Is Better Than A Woman:
1. You can enjoy a beer anytime of the month.
2. Beer stains wash out.
3. You don't have to wine and dine beer.
4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play football with the guys.
5. When a beer is flat you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. HANGOVERS GO AWAY!
8. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar you know you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 10 cents.
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home with another beer on your breath.
14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.
15. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.
16. A beer always goes down easy.
17. You can share a beer with your friends.
18. You always know you're the first one to pop a beer.
19. Beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn't demand equality.
21. You can have a beer in public.
22. A beer doesn't care when you cum.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
25. If you change beers, you won't have to pay alimony.