Eddykayshun - Orstralea
We live in a Land Downunder....
Wednesday, June 27, 2007 by Jafo | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
Email from Larry [Koop].....
This is a bit old...but then so are we:
The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were
posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual
responses by the website officials, who obviously have an excellent sense of
humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on
TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not.. oh forget it. ..... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You're a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk
is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first!
koop
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Reply #4 Thursday, June 28, 2007 2:35 AM
Awesome thanks Jafo
the last is really...hum...EXCELLENT
Reply #5 Thursday, June 28, 2007 4:04 AM
Q: I'm visiting Australia soon and would like to go shark fishing, what's the best method?
A: Stick a tourist on a surfboard, never fails...
Q: We are about to have our first child. If it's a girl, what's a suitable Australian name for her?
A: Adalene, Ailene, Angelene, Carlene, Cathlene, Dalene, Eilene, Jerilene, Jaylene, Jolene,
Marlene, Maylene, Noelene, Paulene, Raelene or Shirlene.
Reply #6 Thursday, June 28, 2007 4:25 AM
Reply #7 Thursday, June 28, 2007 6:30 AM
New Zealand becomes the major power in the South Pacific with Samoa
New Zealand awoke this morning to find itself as the lone superpower in the South Pacific, after Australia moved north during the night.
"About Bloody time too" stated the Prime Minister Helen Clarke. "we have had just about enough of the whiners and were considering allowing Ngai Tahu to invade them and claim Queensland.
Look out Northern Hemisphere, you don't know what you are in for. They steal your entertainers, claim anyone who even visit them as their own, and inflict their sports teams on them. We will be better off working with Samoa"
Popular opinion is that New Zealand moves to occupy Australia's place as the weather is better.
No report has come from Tasmania. It is believed that Australia left quietly so Tasmanians wouldn't notice and want to follow. It appears the ruse has worked. New Zealand has offered to adopt Tasmania as West New Zealand.
News Flash!
Australia gets drunk, wakes up in North Atlantic "Oh bloody hell"
WWW Link
Reply #10 Thursday, June 28, 2007 7:09 AM
I can't take credit for that, buzzh58 sent me that awhile ago...Jafos post gave me a lot of laughs so I figured this was a good place to stick the news of Aussie floating to America. Thats getting kinda close to Boston...
Reply #12 Thursday, June 28, 2007 9:05 AM
dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
- HA! Too Funny, I almost shot my morning coffee out of my nose after reading this one
Reply #13 Thursday, June 28, 2007 9:15 AM
Who are we gonna make fun of now that the Aussies have buggered off to the Northern Hemisphere
Reply #14 Thursday, June 28, 2007 2:24 PM
They won't stay long....I have a feeling after a few weeks in the Atlantic they will all get on one side of the Continent and start pushing Australia back to whence it came.
Reply #17 Friday, June 29, 2007 12:11 AM
Reply #18 Friday, June 29, 2007 4:59 AM
Many people select a pet snake on the name "Children's Python"....thinking, 'that's gotta be a safe one for the kids'......
Thank goodness John didn't discover a species of Taipan........"Children's Taipan".....would certainly make "show & tell" interesting....
Reply #20 Friday, June 29, 2007 5:13 AM
surfboard.....commonly referred to as: 'a shark biscuit'....
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Reply #1 Wednesday, June 27, 2007 9:32 PM
Got to be good!!!!!
SGT