Eddykayshun - Orstralea
We live in a Land Downunder....
Wednesday, June 27, 2007 by Jafo | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
Email from Larry [Koop].....
This is a bit old...but then so are we:
The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were
posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual
responses by the website officials, who obviously have an excellent sense of
humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on
TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not.. oh forget it. ..... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You're a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk
is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first!
koop
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Reply #22 Friday, July 20, 2007 5:12 PM
Reply #23 Friday, July 20, 2007 5:33 PM
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
I'm still walking on my way to the the bushes...
Reply #24 Friday, July 20, 2007 5:44 PM
Marlene, Maylene, Noelene, Paulene, Raelene or Shirlene.
You forgot Sheila!
Reply #25 Friday, July 20, 2007 7:00 PM
Reply #26 Friday, July 20, 2007 7:51 PM
You mean Blokene...
Reply #27 Friday, July 20, 2007 8:51 PM
Reply #29 Friday, July 20, 2007 9:50 PM
Aw, don't let the likes of us...er, I mean them, put you off....there are some sane and perfectly rational people here. Just avoid the capital cities and all towns in between and you should be alright.
Reply #30 Friday, July 20, 2007 10:02 PM
Oh yeah...nearly forgot! Who was that said "come to sunny Queensland, beautiful one day, perfect the next??" Went down to minus 4c here in Ipswich this morning, and after 24c during the day yesterday it's a massive jump (28 degrees) to get accustomed to. No wonder there's a lot of people about with colds and the flu.
Now this blokene is gonna get rugged up cos he ain't got or had the flu yet...touch wood.
Reply #31 Friday, July 20, 2007 11:47 PM
Yair....all in the emmigration departure lounges...
Reply #32 Saturday, July 21, 2007 12:22 AM
Yep, 'tis a sad thing orright...ever sadder, lil Johnny and his cohorts aren't at the front of the queue...with a one-way ticket to Voodfreezabollockoff in Southern Siberia. I hear it's nice there in summer...tho officials still say it's decidedly too cold for the Winter Olymics.
Reply #33 Saturday, July 21, 2007 12:24 AM
...anyone care to point them out to me?
Reply #34 Saturday, July 21, 2007 3:22 AM
Umm, yeah! Got to pondering it since posting that...and regardless of how deeply I thought about it...procrastinated even, I couldn't recall a single one. Never mind, a country that takes itself too seriously is in peril of missing out on all the fun.
Reply #35 Saturday, July 21, 2007 3:35 AM
Joke from the Paul Hogan Show. You're probably too young to remember it
Reply #36 Saturday, July 21, 2007 3:46 AM
Fuzzy......yeah I am actually....
Starkers, you and me are practically neighbours..im at lowood......
Reply #37 Saturday, July 21, 2007 12:35 PM
Starkers, you and me are practically neighbours..im at lowood...
Wow...I live not too far from a renowned skinner, whose skins are used, viewed and loved all around the world....yippeeeeee!!!!!
Now that I've come down to earth again
I'm at Goodna, just the other side of Ipswich to you, but I know the Lowood and Rosewood areas. I have a cousin who lives at Lowood, though I haven't seen her in ages cos I lived in Tassie for about 8 or 9 years and we've not caught up since my return last January.Yep, it's pretty amazing....I have several of your skins (if not most or all) and they were created just up the road, rather than the U.S. or some other distant land. You realise, we could have walked past each other in Ipswich sometime and not even known it.
Anyhow, you take care....and I'll keep an extra special eye out for your next masterpiece.
Reply #38 Saturday, July 21, 2007 5:51 PM
Reply #39 Saturday, July 21, 2007 10:06 PM
Yeah, when you consider how big this old world is, and how many million members there are on WC from all over it, it's probably one in a million chance that any two members would be within a hundred miles of each other, let alone just 25 to 30. Fancy that, meeting on the other side of the world....from our loungerooms.
For sure...the last cold/flu I got made me feel like death warmed up...so definitely best avoided. I normally don't feel the cold, but this year I am....must be getting old.
Roll on Summer, hey!
Reply #40 Sunday, July 22, 2007 1:27 AM
my brother rang me from Seattle to get me to find the best Koala I could and post it over from Oz for a promotion. I did a search.....found the most fantastic Koala.....it's actually mechanical and ideal for what he wants......it was in Seattle.....when I contacted the seller, it was 10 minutes down the road from them.....I paid for it, put the two addresses, his and sellers, in Google Earth and print screened and sent him the pic for directions to pick it up........not only was it 10 minutes down the road, it was 2 streets away from their warehouse.....they were knocked out......I love the net......
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Reply #21 Friday, June 29, 2007 9:13 AM
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs
That made me burst into high laughter
HAHAHAHAAAAA