Never Jump to Conclusions
Saturday, March 24, 2007 by starkers | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
A very popular teacher was having a birthday and several children of prominent business people brought her a gift.....
The daughter of the local florist brought her a bunch of flowers...
The son of the local candy store brought her a box of expensive chocolates...
The daughter of the local jeweler brought her earrings and a matching pendant...
The son of the local liquor merchant put a box on her desk, and when she noticed there was liquid leaking from one corner she put her glass underneath so as not to waste any.
After a little taste test she said to him: "Oh, this is a very fine wine!"
"No Miss." he said.
After another sip: "Oh, I know, it's a very fine cognac!"
"No miss, it's not"
So another sip was taken and she said: "I know, it's a fine malt whiskey!"
No miss, it's a puppy!"
The daughter of the local florist brought her a bunch of flowers...
The son of the local candy store brought her a box of expensive chocolates...
The daughter of the local jeweler brought her earrings and a matching pendant...
The son of the local liquor merchant put a box on her desk, and when she noticed there was liquid leaking from one corner she put her glass underneath so as not to waste any.
After a little taste test she said to him: "Oh, this is a very fine wine!"
"No Miss." he said.
After another sip: "Oh, I know, it's a very fine cognac!"
"No miss, it's not"
So another sip was taken and she said: "I know, it's a fine malt whiskey!"
No miss, it's a puppy!"
seldomseen
Reply #5 Saturday, March 24, 2007 10:22 PM
[jumps for the mouthwash!]
Reply #5 Saturday, March 24, 2007 10:22 PM
After a little taste test 
[jumps for the mouthwash!]
seldomseen
Reply #6 Saturday, March 24, 2007 10:37 PM
Reply #6 Saturday, March 24, 2007 10:37 PM
Perhaps a nice cup of Tasmanian java would be preferable...? 
starkers
Reply #7 Sunday, March 25, 2007 2:13 AM
So long as it's not a conclusion you should be right.
Yep, 'tis a rich and very tasty blend at that....goes great with a nice piece of cake.
Which reminds me of another conclusion......
A football fanatic husband was in front of the TV watching his team score when his wife asked him to fix a broken light bulb.
"Hello, do I have electrician written across my forehead?"
A little later the fridge door wouldn't close properly and she asked him to take a look at it.
Helloooo, do I have Frigidaire written across my forehead?"
Then a hose came off the washing machine and flooded the laundry, so she asked if he would fix it.
Helloooo, have I got Westinghouse written across my forehead?"
Next day when he returns home from work, he notices the light bulb, fridge and washing machine had been fixed, so asked her how come.....
"Well" she said: "I was on the front step crying when a nice young man asked what was wrong, and when I told him he offered to fix them if I made him a cake or made wild passionate love to him."
So what sort of cake did you make him?" he asked.
Hellooooo, Do you see Sara Lee written across my forehead?"
Reply #7 Sunday, March 25, 2007 2:13 AM
[jumps for the mouthwash!]
So long as it's not a conclusion you should be right.
Perhaps a nice cup of Tasmanian java would be preferable...
Yep, 'tis a rich and very tasty blend at that....goes great with a nice piece of cake.
Which reminds me of another conclusion......
A football fanatic husband was in front of the TV watching his team score when his wife asked him to fix a broken light bulb.
"Hello, do I have electrician written across my forehead?"
A little later the fridge door wouldn't close properly and she asked him to take a look at it.
Helloooo, do I have Frigidaire written across my forehead?"
Then a hose came off the washing machine and flooded the laundry, so she asked if he would fix it.
Helloooo, have I got Westinghouse written across my forehead?"
Next day when he returns home from work, he notices the light bulb, fridge and washing machine had been fixed, so asked her how come.....
"Well" she said: "I was on the front step crying when a nice young man asked what was wrong, and when I told him he offered to fix them if I made him a cake or made wild passionate love to him."
So what sort of cake did you make him?" he asked.
Hellooooo, Do you see Sara Lee written across my forehead?"
starkers
Reply #11 Sunday, March 25, 2007 9:06 PM
Reply #11 Sunday, March 25, 2007 9:06 PM
Hey Jafo, just as well it wasn't a cat inside the box....otherwise the teacher would've been convinced it was Pommie beer, dontcha think. 
seldomseen
Reply #13 Sunday, March 25, 2007 9:19 PM
Reply #13 Sunday, March 25, 2007 9:19 PM
Just kidding...used to consume a whole package of her frozen brownies immediately after school now and then.
This tale may be even better than the first one. More, please.
This tale may be even better than the first one. More, please.
Alternate Setting
Reply #14 Sunday, March 25, 2007 11:30 PM
Hey Jafo, just as well it wasn't a cat inside the box....otherwise the teacher would've been convinced it was Pommie beer, dontcha think.
As if ya gonna get away with that
That's just the stuff we give to those who couldn't give a 4X about anything else. Everyone else is round the back drinking the good stuff ......
Reply #14 Sunday, March 25, 2007 11:30 PM
Hey Jafo, just as well it wasn't a cat inside the box....otherwise the teacher would've been convinced it was Pommie beer, dontcha think.
As if ya gonna get away with that
That's just the stuff we give to those who couldn't give a 4X about anything else. Everyone else is round the back drinking the good stuff ......
starkers
Reply #15 Monday, March 26, 2007 1:35 AM
Okay, you asked for it......
The 54 yo husband concluded his normally passive wife would cop it sweet and be waiting for him as usual when he got home. The note read.....
"Dear wife, by the time you read this I will have left on a business trip to Bermuda with my 18 yo secretary, see you when I get back."
Sick and tired of his errant ways, she contacted the hotel he would be staying at and instructed the desk clerk to give him a note upon arrival. It read.....
"Dear husband, by the time you read this I will have left for Hawaii with my handsome and virile 18 yo lover. Oh, and as an accountant, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more often than 54 goes into 18."
Reply #15 Monday, March 26, 2007 1:35 AM
More, please.
Okay, you asked for it......
The 54 yo husband concluded his normally passive wife would cop it sweet and be waiting for him as usual when he got home. The note read.....
"Dear wife, by the time you read this I will have left on a business trip to Bermuda with my 18 yo secretary, see you when I get back."
Sick and tired of his errant ways, she contacted the hotel he would be staying at and instructed the desk clerk to give him a note upon arrival. It read.....
"Dear husband, by the time you read this I will have left for Hawaii with my handsome and virile 18 yo lover. Oh, and as an accountant, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more often than 54 goes into 18."
starkers
Reply #16 Monday, March 26, 2007 2:32 AM
Tried that stuff too, but the publican still reckoned it wasn't up to par with the stuff exported to Oz......and we still don't like it.
Truth be known, in my guzzling days, I happily downed many a pint of Pommie beer and enjoyed each & every one of them. My only complaint: when it came to 'time gentlemen please' and I tuppence short for another.
Reply #16 Monday, March 26, 2007 2:32 AM
Everyone else is round the back drinking the good stuff ......
Tried that stuff too, but the publican still reckoned it wasn't up to par with the stuff exported to Oz......and we still don't like it.
Truth be known, in my guzzling days, I happily downed many a pint of Pommie beer and enjoyed each & every one of them. My only complaint: when it came to 'time gentlemen please' and I tuppence short for another.
Alternate Setting
Reply #17 Monday, March 26, 2007 3:55 AM
Reply #17 Monday, March 26, 2007 3:55 AM
hehe, yeh - I remember guzzling was a great leveller of the amber nectar.....
Still, now I'm reduced to the gentle pleasures of a nice cuppa tea, I'll reach for the biscuits and await another cracking joke.
Still, now I'm reduced to the gentle pleasures of a nice cuppa tea, I'll reach for the biscuits and await another cracking joke.
seldomseen
Reply #18 Monday, March 26, 2007 3:44 PM
[all of the above]
Reply #18 Monday, March 26, 2007 3:44 PM
Still, now I'm reduced to the gentle pleasures of a nice cuppa tea, I'll reach for the biscuits and await another cracking joke.
[all of the above]
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Reply #1 Saturday, March 24, 2007 9:20 PM
Kind of wierd, replied to a completely different thread and was bounced here...Erased..