The Amazing English Language
hurts the brain
Thursday, March 22, 2007 by kenwas | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to speak
fluent English, you must be a genius!
This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it w as time to
present the present..
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France
(Surprise!).
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers
don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
fluent English, you must be a genius!
This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it w as time to
present the present..
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France
(Surprise!).
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers
don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
MySecret
Reply #2 Thursday, March 22, 2007 10:24 AM
Haha ....great post..Thank you for sharing
It's My Secret
Reply #2 Thursday, March 22, 2007 10:24 AM
Haha ....great post..Thank you for sharing
It's My Secret
seldomseen
Reply #3 Thursday, March 22, 2007 10:41 AM
Reply #3 Thursday, March 22, 2007 10:41 AM
One of the better items of all time. Considerably brightened up my morning. Thanks! 
Bandit4edu
Reply #4 Thursday, March 22, 2007 10:45 AM
Reply #4 Thursday, March 22, 2007 10:45 AM
Geesh! I'm glad I speak Appalachian instead of English!
An educational thread, Ken, and a fun one too!
An educational thread, Ken, and a fun one too!
Adamness
Reply #5 Thursday, March 22, 2007 4:43 PM
Reply #5 Thursday, March 22, 2007 4:43 PM
If olive oil is made from olives, what's baby oil made from?
Uvah
Reply #6 Thursday, March 22, 2007 5:12 PM
Reply #6 Thursday, March 22, 2007 5:12 PM
Like driving on the parkway and parking in the driveway. Go figure. Now you know why the english language is so hard to learn. Some times I wonder about me. Maybe that's why I failed it in high school and got a 90 in spanish yet...I can't speak a word of it. BTW...does Brooklynese qualify as a language?...
Double Zero
Reply #7 Thursday, March 22, 2007 5:14 PM
Umm...Babies? LoL..Now people this statement isnt for weak stomachs... Years ago cosmetic companies actually were investigated for using "Abortions" to create their products... "Believe it or not"... LoL
Back on subject..
That is a real mild "Begining" into just how "Miserable" the language actually is..Personally I have never known any other language, but I have travelled to areas within the states where even I could not begin to understand what they were saying, and I was asked "Dont you understand english?!!" LoL
When you get into different "Societies" (I suppose you would call them)There is a massive difference in wording and "slang" terminology..
It *will drive you nuts..LoL
Reply #7 Thursday, March 22, 2007 5:14 PM
If olive oil is made from olives, what's baby oil made from?
Umm...Babies? LoL..Now people this statement isnt for weak stomachs... Years ago cosmetic companies actually were investigated for using "Abortions" to create their products... "Believe it or not"... LoL
Back on subject..
That is a real mild "Begining" into just how "Miserable" the language actually is..Personally I have never known any other language, but I have travelled to areas within the states where even I could not begin to understand what they were saying, and I was asked "Dont you understand english?!!" LoL
When you get into different "Societies" (I suppose you would call them)There is a massive difference in wording and "slang" terminology..
It *will drive you nuts..LoL
Bandit4edu
Reply #9 Thursday, March 22, 2007 5:53 PM
Reply #9 Thursday, March 22, 2007 5:53 PM
Vegetarians eat vegetables...beware of humanitarians!
Jafo
Reply #10 Thursday, March 22, 2007 6:30 PM
Reply #10 Thursday, March 22, 2007 6:30 PM
Excuse the spelling [may be wrong-ish]...but I still remember my first German lesson....dates back to 1967.....
....to show other languages are little better....
"Morgens"
"Morgens"
"Haben sie butter?"
Nein, morgens"
'Morgens?"
"Ja, morgens"
"Morgens"
"Morgens".
Jafo
Reply #11 Thursday, March 22, 2007 6:32 PM
Reply #11 Thursday, March 22, 2007 6:32 PM
I think that that that, that that person wrote is too small.....
starkers
Reply #13 Friday, March 23, 2007 12:57 AM
Reply #13 Friday, March 23, 2007 12:57 AM
What a great thread, Ken, a so humorous too.....but now look what you've done.....
......confused our resident walking dictionary.
Something I read in an incident report while working with Queensland Police some years ago: "Madam, if in fact you are a madam, I am going to have to arrest you......"
I think that that that, that that person wrote is too small.....
......confused our resident walking dictionary.
Something I read in an incident report while working with Queensland Police some years ago: "Madam, if in fact you are a madam, I am going to have to arrest you......"
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Reply #1 Thursday, March 22, 2007 10:17 AM
Thanks