Paddy is dying. He says to his best mate. As they lower the coffin into the grave would you pour a bottle of whisky over it . His mate says yes Paddy I will do that for you but can I pass it through my kidney's first

Schrödinger's door...

Okay, the following may be silly and ridiculous, and a strech, but I will give it a show trial, or a trial balloon...........

True story. I was recently impressed to buy a pair of sunglasses. Cocoons are the brand name.  They fit quite nicely over my regular pair of eyeglasses. When I slip them on, boom! It's almost like another dimension of sight! Some colors get more intense, and it feels like I've been photoshopped!  or is it just a glitch in the matrix?    *mic drop*   

Or.... if my previous post wasn't funny enough, what about this?

How about this one?

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

A chicken farmer went to the local bar. He sat next to a woman and ordered champagne.

The woman said : "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne."

"What a coincidence," said the farmer, who added, "It is a special day for me. I am celebrating"

"It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!" said the woman

"What a coincidence." said the farmer. While they toasted, the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today, my gynaecologist told me that I was pregnant."

"What a coincidence," said the man. "I am a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilised eggs."

"This is amazing," said the woman. "What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?"

"I used a different rooster," he said.

She smiled and said... "What a coincidence!"

Who did Harrison Ford take to the Star Wars reunion party.  Noone he was Solo.

‐‐--------------------

As a woman was leaving the bank, she suddenly remembered she had forgotten the car keys inside.

She went back and asked everyone, but no one had seen the keys. She searched her purse again.

"Oh no! I left the keys in the car!"

She ran to the parking lot in a panic—only to find the car missing!

She called the police, reported the car stolen, gave them the license plate number, and admitted the keys were left inside.

Trying to calm down, she nervously made the hardest call of her life—to her husband. Stammering, she told him the car had been stolen.

He thundered back, "I dropped you at the bank—you didn’t take the car!"

She sighed in relief and thanked God, then asked him to come pick her up.

Her husband replied, "Sure I’ll come... just as soon as I convince the police I didn’t steal your car!"

You know you're in a redneck church when...

The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. 

People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. 

When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up. 

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. 

A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." 

The choir is known as the "OK Chorale." 

In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. 

People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. 

The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub. 

The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) "Billy Bob's Barbecue". 

The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy. 

Instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call. 

The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. 

"Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.

Very good.

Very, very good.

Thanks! Hoping BDBF and RnD see it, too.   

🤣 BEST JOKE OF THE DAY! - The Patent Office wasn’t ready for THIS invention!... | Funny Dad Jokes

 Lol!

This site is amazing The little girl walking the dog and the live to 80 were really funny

3 Daughters’ Wedding Night Calls 😂 | Funny Clean Family Joke | Classic Comedy

Is a bit long though

Indeed.

Here ya go some I love:

A Rabbi and a Tel Aviv cab driver arrive at the gates of heaven. The Rabbi is shown a nice duplex, while the cabbie is taken to a mansion on a hill. The Rabbi complains, and the front desk explains, "To be frank, Rabbi, when you were lecturing to your congregation, a lot of people were asleep. But when that cabbie was driving, we were swamped with prayers!"

Or, one of my faves from Jewish humor...a man receives a telegram:

"Start worrying. Details to follow."

A super classic:

A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandson play on the beach.
A huge wave comes and sweeps him out to sea.
She falls to her knees and cries, “Dear God, bring back my grandson!”
A moment later, another wave washes the boy safely back to shore.
She looks up to heaven and says, “He had a hat!”

And -

A mother gives her son 2 sweaters for Hanukkah. Next visit he comes wearing one of them. She asked, "So...what was wrong with the other sweater?"