I need a joke today
I'll start
Tuesday, June 6, 2017 by BigDogBigFeet | Discussion: Life, the Universe and Everything
Signs seen at the restaurant workers' pep rally.
"EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS AFTER THEY PICK IT"
"NO CRACK MINING AT THE KID'S MEAL STATION"
"PLEASE DON'T SNEEZE IN THE CARRY OUT BAGS"
"REMEMBER TO SMILE AND SAY WELCOME TO FLUFFY'S FOOT LONGS"
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Reply #242 Monday, May 13, 2024 8:25 PM
Paddy is dying. He says to his best mate. As they lower the coffin into the grave would you pour a bottle of whisky over it . His mate says yes Paddy I will do that for you but can I pass it through my kidney's first
Reply #245 Tuesday, May 14, 2024 8:56 AM
Okay, the following may be silly and ridiculous, and a strech, but I will give it a show trial, or a trial balloon...........
True story. I was recently impressed to buy a pair of sunglasses. Cocoons are the brand name. They fit quite nicely over my regular pair of eyeglasses. When I slip them on, boom! It's almost like another dimension of sight! Some colors get more intense, and it feels like I've been photoshopped! or is it just a glitch in the matrix? *mic drop*
Reply #246 Tuesday, May 14, 2024 11:48 AM
Or.... if my previous post wasn't funny enough, what about this?
Reply #250 Thursday, September 5, 2024 11:11 PM
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
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Reply #241 Wednesday, April 24, 2024 10:20 PM