I need a joke today

I'll start

Tuesday, June 6, 2017 by BigDogBigFeet | Discussion: Life, the Universe and Everything

Signs seen at the restaurant workers' pep rally.

 

"EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS AFTER THEY PICK IT"

"NO CRACK MINING AT THE KID'S MEAL STATION"

"PLEASE DON'T SNEEZE IN THE CARRY OUT BAGS"

"REMEMBER TO SMILE AND SAY WELCOME TO FLUFFY'S FOOT LONGS"

First Previous Page 1 of 8 Next Last
LightStar
Reply #1 Wednesday, June 7, 2017 6:48 AM

Here you go.... 

ALMonty
Reply #2 Wednesday, June 7, 2017 7:13 AM

ALMonty
Reply #3 Wednesday, June 7, 2017 7:15 AM

BigDogBigFeet
Reply #4 Wednesday, June 7, 2017 7:33 AM

Now that you mention I think I have gotten gas in Tipton before.  Still flares up occasionally.

Even the dog stopped to take a look.  Smart dog.

LightStar
Reply #5 Wednesday, June 7, 2017 7:44 AM

BigDogBigFeet

Now that you mention I think I have gotten gas in Tipton before.  Still flares up occasionally.

Even the dog stopped to take a look.  Smart dog.

       

RedneckDude
Reply #6 Wednesday, June 7, 2017 9:51 AM

ALMonty
Reply #7 Wednesday, June 7, 2017 10:28 AM

starkers
Reply #8 Wednesday, June 7, 2017 11:27 AM

Scribblings seen on various toilet walls around the world:

Just above the gap on the inside of a cubicle door: Beware of Limbo Dancers.

Another one on a cubicle door: It's no use standing on the seat the crabs in here can jump 10 feet.

On a cubicle wall above the cistern: Men, stand closer, it may be shorter than you think.

Above the toilet roll holder: The job is not complete until the paperwork is done.

High above a urinal: While you are reading this sign your shoes are getting wet.

Another one high above a urinal: What are you looking up here for, ashamed of it are we?

In a mens public lavatory: We aim to keep this toilet clean, your aim will help.

Something I once read on the London Underground: "My mother made me a homosexual."

And underneath somebody else wrote: "If I buy her the wool would she make me one, too?"

 

 

LightStar
Reply #9 Wednesday, June 7, 2017 1:40 PM

Badgename
Reply #10 Wednesday, June 7, 2017 2:17 PM

 

An Irish man went to confession at St. Patrick's Catholic Church.

'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.'

The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'

Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. 'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months.'

This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Fanny Green?'

'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied.

'Very well,' sighed the priest.. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.

At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall,Voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.

The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.

The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Fanny Green?'

The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, 'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes'.

 

Uvah
Reply #11 Wednesday, June 7, 2017 5:52 PM

Uvah
Reply #12 Wednesday, June 7, 2017 5:53 PM

Uvah
Reply #13 Wednesday, June 7, 2017 5:54 PM

BigDogBigFeet
Reply #14 Wednesday, June 7, 2017 6:43 PM

Too funny.    

tid242
Reply #15 Wednesday, June 7, 2017 11:11 PM

Don't let the cute duckling scam happen to you..

 

Cute Duckling Scam

 

You've been warned..

BigDogBigFeet
Reply #16 Friday, June 9, 2017 7:43 PM

International Toilets this way>>>>

 

Russian going in

European inside

Finnish and out.

starkers
Reply #17 Friday, June 9, 2017 11:22 PM

That's a bit like the international lecher with Roman hands and Russian fingers.

BigDogBigFeet
Reply #18 Sunday, January 16, 2022 12:27 PM

A man had three girlfriends and was trying to decide which one should he marry.  He decided to give them all a test with money giving each one $5000 and would judge how each used the money.

The first spent all the money on beauty.  She went to a fancy beauty salon and got her hair and makeup done. She bought new clothes, shoes and some jewelry.  When he saw her, he was amazed and remarked how beautiful she looked.  She said I did this all for you, to make you happy.

The second thought about him and remembered he said he loved golfing the most.  She bought new golf clubs for both of them and booked a weekend at his favorite golf resort.  When he saw her, he was amazed and remarked how thoughtful she was.  She said I did this all for you, to make you happy.

The third thought about the value of the money.  She opened an investment account and in short time managed to double the money.  She gave him the $5000 back and said the investment account would be used to help pay for their future together.   When he saw her, he was amazed and remarked how good she was with money. She said I did this all for you, to make you happy.

The man thought about each of the three women and what they had done with the $5000 he had given to them.

Then he married the one with the BIG BOOBS.

DrJBHL
Reply #19 Sunday, January 16, 2022 2:00 PM

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.

He's not breathing, so his friend calls 911. 'My friend is dead! What should I do?"

The operator replies, "Calm down, sir, first make sure that he's really dead."

There's a silence, then a loud bang.

Back on the phone, the guy says, "Ok, now what?"

Jafo
Reply #20 Sunday, January 16, 2022 10:55 PM

lol ....

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