Oi, where did you sneak in from?  And what's this about core lurking?  Is it some kind of monastic society something like the Shaolin... only with a code of silence?  Even if it is, religious, that is, it's still no excuse.  We leave all that stuff at the front gate... cos if ya get caught with it inside, it gets confiscated and placed in the cloakroom until you leave.  I mean, d'yer really wanna run the risk of taking somebody else's home by mistake, cos the cloakroom attendant got 'em all mixed up?

Also, qhile we're speaking of self control, this is a 'fluff'-free environment and we ask that you refrain until outside the main doors, which are not to be confused with the foyer doors leading into the 1st level, whose doors lead to the 2nd sanctum, whose doors lead to the observatory, whose doors lead to the Security Enclave, whose doors lead to the corridor whose doors lead to the Inner Sanctum.

Yes, there are a lot of doors, but they were designed to keep the riff-raff out and have been quite effective... more is the pity they haven't worked on feching lurkers.  Oooops, did I just say that?  My apologies to lurkers, I meant the new breed of riff-raff who come in here and say eff all and then leave.

So what's changed?  You still lurk... and you still say things that....er...

Yeah, think I'll quit while I'm a.... er, while I still have a head.  

Thing is, I didn't immediately join in on the forums, either.  I was a visitor/member here for some time before I began to make myself known in the forums... and sometimes I wish I'd waited another 'some time' before opening my big trap.  Forum etiquette was not my strong suit, given it was my fist real foray into a forum, and I wasn't too sure what was permissible, either, so I put my foot in it more than once... and earning myself a reprimand from the wielder of the big stick.  Luckily for me he wielded it without great force... 45 years later and I'm still getting over the multiple canings I received at school.

In fact, I think that's why I was prompted to start this thread.... because we were encouraged at school to communicate openly and honestly. Well perhaps the honesty got a little stretched at times: "Got six of the best from Waggy [our Aus born headmaster] today, and even though he raised the cane as high as he could above his head and brought it down swiftly and fiercely, didn't hurt a bit."... cos one could not admit to having it hurt at all.  After all, we were the sons grandsons and great grandsons of the toughest fishermen to ever sail the channel [the English one, that is] and we were not about to let some sheep farmer bloke from Australia break us.  No siree, we were as tough as the old salts who sired us... many of whom were direct descendents of some of the meanest and bloodthirstiest pirates to ever bed a landlubber wench while on shore leave.

Yeah, it was a school tradition that whoever got the cane [which was always announced at morning assembly] would go to a certain corner of the playground and tell all about it...in gory detail, imaginative embellishments and telling downright lies about  just how severe it was.  I mean, what was the point if ya didn't scare the pants off the out-of-town 1st termers? 

Needless to say, I was a regular visitor to the headmaster's office and... the 'cane corner in the playground scaring the pants off out-of-town 1st termers with: "And when Waggy brought that cane down with such force, and I could see the brass tip glistening in the sunlight coming through the window, I thought he'd cut me in half and leave me on the floor writhing in agony. But I showed that Aussie *******, I turned around and laughed in his face, that's how ******* tough I am."

Truth be known, had I even thought about laughing, much less doing it, he'd have given me six more for good measure.  And the strange thing, despite a few canings, all of which I probably deserved, I have the fondest memories of that one teacher.  Mr. Wagland was his name and, because many boys followed family tradition to become fishermen, he taught navigation, and very well, too, i might add, which, along with English, History and Geography, was one of my favourite subjects. 

In Mr. Wagland's final year of teaching, the entire teaching staff 'volunteered him to chaperone the students going on the annual school cruise.  I was one of those students, and I saw a completely different side of him, a side that revealed a love, a gentleness and a compassion I'd not really seen before, so along with my memories of his navigation class, among other things, I fondly remember him as the best teacher I ever had.

starkers never lurks...but there's a reason for that...

And it's not because I can't hide behind trees, thank you very much!  Besides, you know what dogs do when they see a tree, and I will not have my leg mistaken for a peeing post. 

No, the reason I don't lurk any more is cos I have a weak bladder and can't remain lurked for periods of longer than half an hour... 45 minutes tops.  It happens in old age... especially if one abused their body when younger.  In fact, I asked my doctor if having sex 4 or 5 times a day for 40 plus years may have caused my having to go so much: "No," she replied with a giggle: "that would have helped your situation. Your problem starts with drinking so much tea and trying to keep cool with your hand in a bucket of iced water.

Nah, seriously, I do know the true cause, however... diabetes.  She did explain that was one of the symptoms when it was first diagnosed.

just thought i should post.. was there a solution to tha windowblinds/google chrome issue? ha! such a flirt.. actually you are all very funny and lovable.. yes YOU too!

Was your mouse hand jealous of your other hand  

1:17 into the video

Nope.... swapped hands every so often so's I wouldn't get wankers cramp.

Actually, now that I think of it, would have been to to get it 4 or 5 times a day

Truth is, it was only 3 or 4

I recall my mother saying to me once: "Nobody needs sex that often... like Michael Douglas, you need to see somebody about your sex addiction."

I said: "Mum, it's not like that. I don't have a sex addiction. It's just for some strange reason I keep dating nymphomaniacs who never say no."

Hehe, yeah, it gets like that, don't it... then you get the tinkle fairy come along and restrict you to just two shakes at the latrine.

Hmmm, can't be easy being a Smedley.

you were right starkers and i was wrong, i should work appropriately.. i was at tha workshops for advanced core lurking, but personally, i didn't actually participate.. apologies to all, i retract my comments. ohhhh

Not to worry, everyone has an off day here and there.  I'm just glad it didn't take a raft of high-dose meds with multiple side effects to bring you back into the fold.  Or being restrained in a strait jacket and held down by two burly nurses resemble Russian weight lifters while another pours ipecac down your throat to purge the last vestiges of serial lurking.

Yes it concerned me that had you been forced to endure such drastic measures, mr tabby might've become a pussy, of broken will and spirit.  I'm so, so glad it never came to that, the costs of rehabilitation would have been enormous.

Oh, and this mrtabby, is that cos you fancy yourself as a bit of a 'tomcat'?

there was going to be hot ass nurses?!? dammit!

well that was cozy.. i killed tha thread! i also did more lurking.. sorry starkers but there is popcorn back here! i promise i won't look.. (hey everyone.. nurses!!)

My dad used to tell me that if you shake it more than three times, you're playin' with it. I shake a bottle of OJ before having some. Does that mean I'm playin' with it?

That's fruit abuse.

You know, there's a special level of hell for people just like you.

Sooooo, you are a bit of a tomcat after all, mrtabby.  I knew it, I just knew it!

Something in the way you move... damned song... er wrote "hot ass" attracts me like.... damned song.... just smacked of tomcatism... no other lover.... damned song keeps popping in my head.... er....

..... will be back after I've taken some meds.

You and those damned nurses!  You do realise that under those uniforms they're built like Russian body builders, don't you.... and that if you do happen to get between their legs, they could crush you like a walnut?

Ah, that's it!  You like the strong, domineering type of woman who can take control... a dominatrix, if you will.  I tried one of those once, and it was great right up until she put me across her knee and spanked my bare bottom with a table tennis bat.  Shoot [well that's it, right there in a nutshell] I'd get 'too excited' and we'd have to start all over again. 

Sadly, despite my best efforts to end/control my 'prematurity', she lost patience and left me for somebody with greater control and a much, much bigger.... er... bank account.  Apparently he could afford her hourly rates better than I.

Anyway, if you're considering a dominatrix kind of woman in a nurses uniform, I do have some advice for you.  Firstly, keep some control for yourself within the relationship, otherwise you'll be in the kitchen most of the time cooking, cleaning and doing dishes... as I discovered was my punishment for repeatedly having to start over.  And secondly, have a safe word you both agree upon... because without this safety mechanism you may find yourself cleaning and maintaining her car, not to mention continually having to replace her stockings.

Smedley, you back again? Thought you would be... being you're a pain-in-the-ass and tormenting SOB [Stubborn Old Bastige]  Ornery is a word that comes to mind, but it doesn't come close to describing the PITA that you've become over the years.... and what's this attacking one of my dear friends with claims of fruit abuse?  You know full well that Uvah is a 'special needs' person, and that 'shaking' is one of his 'special tendencies'. That, however, does not make him a bad person, nor does it give you the right to post things that draw special attention to his personal but quite normal peculiarities.

Furthermore, Mr Smedley, you cannot say that you have not 'shaken' particular things throughout your life, we all know you have... like the time you had that effigy of Skinhit and... well perhaps for decency reasons we won't go there, but you know what I'm talking about.  You have skeletons in your closet you'd rather not be exposed, and therefore, I suggest that you cease and desist from tormenting poor Uvah, who openly admits that he is complete lunatic, and thus unable to defend himself without resorting to low blows regarding your 'skeletons'.

Oh, and another thing, Smedley, stop exploiting fruit in the way you did here.  That orange you used has complained to the modeling agency that you exploited him for political purposes and vengeance.  That was not discussed or even mentioned in the written contract.  Therefore, if you use he or any other agency fruit in new or continuing vendettas against poor unsuspecting people, innocent or not, punitive damages will be sought.

yeah... I remember that well.... oh the memories...       

no longer relevant... he managed to squeeze himself out of the contract...      ..the agency was seedy.....   

mind you, he could have been thicker skinned...        hmmm.... that was pithy....   

the apple left too.... he was cut to the core...  

however, the apricot thought the place was still, peachy....     

but the banana knew they were bent...   

however, the pineapple just thought they were all being, prickly.....   

the nectarine just didn't care... he was stoned...  

however, the cherry was on top of it.... but the kiwi fruit couldn't understand the contract...  (      ) 

...as with the pommiegranate....  (    )

and the olive just said... the whole thing gave him the pip...  

one of the tropicals tried to argue with the agency... but they just said... go.. man-go....    ...but he said, I can't...  I'm broke... I'm a pawpaw... 

the fruit salad took out a group action against the agency... but they were creamed.. .. they were really cut up about it...

the apple admitted he was lost in the money negotiations... he always skipped maths class... could never understand why pie was squared, when it was supposed to be round...  

the nuts also thought they were being ground down....      only one of them had been offered a part in a porn movie called... 'The Boys from Brazil'...     ...mind you, I think he should have cashewed in on it...he was obviously broke, as he nodded when one of the others asked him...   "have you gone to the wall-nut?"...   

not gonna tell you what the passion-fruit said....       but the damson agreed...  there was talk of a lychee mob... which could have gone pear shaped... 

ended up the Boysenberry got a crush on the Honeydew and asked if she wanted to cantaloupe... at which time the Elderberry stepped in and said that that would end up raisin hell... and wouldn't help the currant situation which caused the Boysenberry to feel more like a Blueberry...    and think the Elderberry was more like a Dragonfruit...       and was pretty Jackfruited with the whole situation...